I'm weary with my former toil, here I will sit and rest a while

This December, I had a very tough time getting into the "Christmas spirit." There were many reasons for this (having mostly to do with a rough year and working at a mall), but for the first time in my life, I found I didn't really care that Christmas was coming and didn't want to listen to Christmas music, save thinking about Advent. However, I went caroling with some friends in downtown Seattle a couple weekends ago and finally allowed the true message and impact of Christmas to permeate my pessimism and disappointment. There really is a big difference between secular and sacred Christmas music!
I found myself clinging these last two weeks to one of my all-time favorite Christmas CDs that my parents own by the King's College Choir of Cambridge. The beautiful delivery of such meaningful and powerful music was exactly what my weary soul needed this year. I truly pray that your Christmas will not end today, but will continue all year long through the expression of selflessness, love, empathy, humility, passion, friendship and peace. These are the lessons Christ teaches me by example and the reason I celebrate His birth, life and sacrifice. Merry Christmas.
Jesus Christ the Apple Tree

The tree of life my soul hath seen
Laden with fruit and always green
The tree of life my soul hath seen
Laden with fruit and always green
The trees of nature fruitless be
Compared with Christ the apple tree

His beauty doth all things excel
By faith I know but ne'er can tell
His beauty doth all things excel
By faith I know but ne'er can tell
The glory which I now can see
In Jesus Christ the apple tree.

For happiness I long have sought
And pleasure dearly I have bought
For happiness I long have sought
And pleasure dearly I have bought
I missed of all but now I see
'Tis found in Christ the apple tree.

I'm weary with my former toil
Here I will sit and rest a while
I'm weary with my former toil
Here I will sit and rest a while
Under the shadow I will be
Of Jesus Christ the apple tree.

This fruit doth make my soul to thrive
It keeps my dying faith alive
This fruit doth make my soul to thrive
It keeps my dying faith alive
Which makes my soul in haste to be
With Jesus Christ the apple tree.

I need a hero!

~Bonnie Tyler (Holding out for a Hero)

I thought it was going to be a boring, cold evening at the "office" tonight. I was sorely mistaken.

Before I present the insane story that is about to follow, let me preface by saying I've been losing things (in addition to my mind) a lot lately. I always get so mad at myself and nostalgic when I lose something, but then am hit over the head every time with the reality that stuff doesn't matter as much as it seems to that minute you realize you lost your favorite antique earrings (that happened to me in DC this year). It's just stuff.

Try telling that to yourself when your purse gets stolen two days before Christmas.

My part-time job in between teaching at SPU and teaching at God-knows-where high school next year is the ever-revered position of the barista (aka helpless punching bag for picky folks) at a new, very swanky, mall in the area. Outdoors. In the winter. It's really an amazing experience selling coffee to people who just spent $1000+ on shoes but don't tip me. But I digress.

I finished my last break tonight in our storage room and headed back out to face the cold and lack of customers. I was getting settled and went to turn on my heater when I saw a lady casually strolling out of our storage room. At first I figured she might have thought it was a store-front (as many do), but the fact that she had been inside made me a little nervous, so I quickly went to check on my belongings.

Sure enough, my bag was gone. *Expletives streaming through my mind as I try to figure out what to do* Getting something stolen is an extremely helpless feeling, I learned tonight. I also found that adrenaline enables me to run about 250% of my normal sprinting speed.

For a short moment, I was contemplating finding this lady on my own and channeling Chuck Norris on her ass, but luckily as I ran through the thin crowds of high-class shoppers to ask the concierge to radio security, she wasn't anywhere to be seen. I truly have no idea what I would have done if I found her on my own.

The security guys and I happen to converge outside an employee corridor, and while I'm semi-coherently explaining what happened, a lady who matches the perp's description exits the employee door. Peculiar. And what does she do? Goes to my espresso cart to buy a coffee from me! I swear, you can't make this stuff up! I pointed to her and told the security guy that she might be the one, so he went to ask her a few questions. Meanwhile, the rest of security shows up and we start talking about what happened in front of this lady, and somehow in the mayhem, she again just slowly strolls away. The security supervisor follows her off the property, I call 911 for the first time in my life, and one of my security friends goes to try to see if the perp stashed my bag anywhere. He finds it quickly with everything in it! This totally does not compute (and still doesn't really). My wallet was open, and the cash had been taken out, but I found it in another part of the bag. Wait, really? Even I wouldn't be that crappy of a criminal. Thankfully she was!

The police officer that showed up was amazing. She was so nice and didn't make me feel like a total douche for calling 911 when nothing was *actually* stolen. Apparently, someone has been stealing from employees down the street at another mall (oh Bellevue, how you have been corrupted!), so they were happy to have the chance to get an ID on this lady. The perp ended up coming back into the mall and wandering around the parking garage (safe to say she wasn't "all there"), where she quickly admitted everything to the security guards and police when they started questioning her. Drunk and looking to steal money for rent from rich patrons of this mall. Not the best idea. Especially because the only cash I had was in Washingtons and Abes.

Such drama I would never have imagined for my evening, but at least that last hour of work was entertaining! I can laugh now because all is well, but if my bag and its contents were not with me tonight, my tune would be much different. I don't consider myself super materialistic, but as much as it sucks to have possessions stolen, it's worse that I know I would freak out so much over losing my ipod or some cash.

An interesting perspective especially as Christmas draws near at break-neck speed. Perhaps I should try to think less about those CDs I'm hoping I'll unwrap in a few hours and more about how my life is changed daily by the people I come in contact with, my union with the confusing yet loving and mystical God, and love that makes no rational sense yet exists everywhere if we just keep our eyes open.

I want a girl who uses a machete to cut through red tape

~Cake ("short skirt long jacket")

So often as a girl in the Christian church, you get told "you should be a Proverbs 31 kind of woman when you grow up." THEN a man will want you. THEN you'll be worthy. To be honest, if the Proverbs 31 woman was real, she was a pretty outstanding human being: serving family, the poor, the needy, working diligently, evincing her strength, intelligence and ingenuity daily through her actions and words.

But, does this passage do damage? Maybe not to some. Yet, to a little girl growing up moritified that her future was predestined to be filled with marriage, babies, submission and house cleaning - for that is the only useful and intended employment of the woman - this passage induced even more anxiety for me. I'm not perfect. Never have been. I argue, I change my mind a lot, I have my lazy moments, I have big dreams, I'm hairy and tall, I don't think I want kids, I like to cook and clean sometimes but certainly not daily: who's going to love that?

Books like the ever-frustrating "Lady in Waiting" told me that I had to become the princess worthy of the prince of my dreams. Worthy. There's that pesky word again. Are these books meant to make the (Christian) woman feel so crappy about herself that she seeks a man to save her from her agony and self-doubt who leads, controls and aligns with other traditional male gender roles so she can pump out babies and casseroles while never having an original opinion again because her prince of a husband takes care of the thinking and decision making for her?

I come across as a raging bitch here, when I am not intending to. I have numerous friends whose marriages are pretty darn traditional and they're happy and fulfilled. It works for some, but not all, and that's my point. If there's anything I've learned in my 20s, it's that everyone is an individual and I'm done putting people in a box (or allowing myself to be placed in one). These past few years have been unbelievably difficult yet freeing, painful yet abounding in joy, for I have confronted almost everything I used to believe through the lens of the Lord's heart for peace, justice, mercy and love. A lot of things have changed because of that, including my views and desires concerning marriage, gender and the future. It's worth the wait to find someone who jives with the person you are and want to continue to become on your life-long journey. Maybe I'll never find him, and that's okay. Forget this crap about losing hope of finding a spouse past 30 or about not being able to truly live life to its fullest as a single person. That's malarky (yes, I just said malarky) and I pray you don't buy into it. And, may I remind all of us; no one is perfect or worthy.

These thoughts were randomly conjured up in my mind tonight as Cake's ever-catchy and strange song played on my drive home from school. I was laughing, thinking, were they paraphrasing Proverbs here?

"I want a girl who gets up early,

I want a girl who stays up late.

I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity

who uses a machete to cut through red tape.

With fingernails that shine like justice

and a voice that is dark like tinted glass.

She is fast, and thorough and sharp as a tac,

she is touring the facility and picking up slac.

I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket."

Boy, would I like to know what justice shines like. I think I like this image infinitely more than Proverbs 31 - this girl has some serious edge, knows success, fights for justice and speaks her mind. At least that's what I get out of it.

Here's to having standards and not settling, knowing and loving yourself, becoming a better person for the sake of the world - not just your imagined future spouse - and moving forward with LIFE, passion and calling no matter what season you find yourself in.

more than fine

One of my TAs last year has this as her profile picture on Facebook and I just had to share:

"It was then that I sutured you"

I wonder if Thomas Kinkade has forged into new territory...

Edit: I was laughing about this with this lady's boyfriend and he made it even better by saying "not to mention Jesus' sterile technique is awful!" hilarity.

when you fell, you fell toward me

~Barcelona (please don't go)

One of my pastors played this video at church today as an example of the beauty of the vast creation on this earth. At first, I thought "what's the big deal?" (and, I have to admit, it looked a little CGI to me), even though it features my favorite song by the band Barcelona, who went to my college and graduated the same year I did (claim to fame!). But, then, remembering tonight amidst hardcore stress (and procrastination, obviously) that it was a very calm video, I thought I'd look it up on the interwebs.

Kuroshio Sea - 2nd largest aquarium tank in the world - (song is Please don't go by Barcelona) from Jon Rawlinson on Vimeo.

What I have found, after watching it a couple more times and learning more about this aquarium in Japan, is peace, amazement (in the creatures themselves, the technological feat of such a huge single sheet of acrylic glass and in how a video shot in such a manner can be so impacting), and interest in how I seem to miss out on some huge internet sensations (this video itself has been viewed almost 4 million times, and it's only been posted since July!).

Coincidentally, I've experienced the same feeling twice this week: the other was The Office wedding episode (one of the best ever, in my opinion) where they mimic the "wedding dance" video that was all the rage this summer (29 million views since July! crazy.)...which I also hadn't seen. I need to get with the program! Or maybe I don't. I keep wondering if I'm going to have to care more about pop culture when I'm a high school teacher or just forget completely trying to be "now" and just be myself - you know, the one who doesn't listen to the radio, barely watches TV and doesn't care about sports that much anymore.

As a general rule, I avoid paying money and spying on animals/sealife in forced captivity, but I have a strange desire to go to Japan now... Random factoid: this is the second largest aquarium in the world. Where is the largest? Dubai, of course, in a mega-mall: 12 million square feet and 1,200 stores. Yikes.

Whatever. Just watch the video.

Be prepared to be surprised

~Sondre Lerche "To be surprised"

I just watched Dan in Real Life for the second time tonight (thanks to Netflix and their instant movie streaming!), and I concluded I love this movie.

First, I want to be Juliet Binoche. She always plays such quality, strong, smart characters with fantastic style (one of my favorite movies is Chocolat, in which she is outstanding). Secondly, I do love Steve Carrell, and it's fun to see him in a serious role in "real life."

But, mostly, I love this movie because it's about a less-than-perfect family. Most of my favorite movies deal in some way with dysfunctional families coming together, working through tremendous shit, or just being a family in the midst of the turbulence of life. Nothing makes me want to have kids except watching movies like Dan in Real Life and The Family Stone.

I've also been stumbling upon some amazing music/musicians in movies lately. Alexi Murdoch in Away We Go, DeVotchKa in Little Miss Sunshine (to name just a few), and now Sondre Lerche and the Faces Down, a band from Norway, who did the soundtrack for this movie. Very good - Check it out!

That's it, really, I guess. Nothing too profound and/or depressing (for once!). I really appreciate the lyrics to the closing song in the movie ("Modern Nature"):

"You'll just have to wait and see: if things go right, we're meant to be!"

Now THAT would be a healthy way to view relationships!

We are just breakable breakable breakable girls and boys

~Ingrid Michaelson "Breakable"

My life has been filled with an inexplicable passion for perfection. Perhaps it's my competitive nature, the influence of my family, the inexecutable messages of society, or simply my drive to succeed. Hopefully, it's my intrinsic motivation to do my best, learn as much as I can in this life and use my gifts for the good of others.

Writing my previous entry was wearisome for me on many levels, yet therapeutic in ways I hope I continue to realize through the next months. Admitting failure, vulnerability, sin and feelings of worthlessness is difficult because it means I'm imperfect. It's also extraordinarily important. (When I burst embarrassingly into tears describing this difficult year at the surprise birthday party my mom threw for me, one of my mentors exclaimed: "She IS human!" - was there any doubt? I mean, I suppose my dad and brother told me I was from the Muppet planet Koosbane for my entire childhood, but that's another post entirely.)

I have found that the more I focus on tasks, others, news (anything BUT me), the less I discover my own depravity and need for grace. The actions are fine; the outcome, not so much. I pray I will continue to learn that less than perfect is okay, and sometimes is even healthy and freeing. Things certainly have not transpired in the last 25 years as I may have envisioned, and though there may be pain, regret or sadness associated with the past, I have to realize that the true "failure" often comes from my pride, denial and lack of love and faith.

Self-reflection is crucial to growth and moving forward, even though it may make me feel awkward and self-absorbed. I smell a cure coming: road trip to Oregon next week.

Try harder....maybe it's just not your year

~Weepies "Not your year"

I had lunch today with one of my favorite grad school profs and her daughter, and as we discussed the ins and outs of classroom management, the horrors of student teaching and my cluelessness about pensions, we also landed on the weight loss topic (why does it always come to this?). She has been trying a new support system for weight loss and has lost 8 lbs in several months (at least she's going the right direction, I said), but related "I have no excuse - I have all the time in the world and this great support system, and I'm hardly scratching the surface." When I agreed and shared my personal frustrations, she said, "well, maybe it's just not your year."

Maybe it's not your year, Katie.

That phrase carries infinitely more weight than she realized.

For those of you who have been a part of my life these last 12 months (and, let's be honest, really the last six years) know that weight struggles play more of a dominant role in my life (thoughts, priorities, self-esteem...the list goes on and on and ON) than I ever imagined and that this year in particular has been unbelievably rough on so many levels. Resigning from my first "real-world" job, voluntarily sacrificing my independence in the name of saving money, trying to resume the life of someone who I am no longer while slowly realizing the person I am is less passionate and more caustic, feeling too far removed to invest in people or make positive contributions, being challenged and doubting my abilities, struggling with life-altering questions and decisions, losing a dear loved one much too soon, giving into the lies of western body image, damaging my health, allowing selfishness to overtake me...

I now more often see the glass half empty. That has never been me. I wish so badly it wasn't me now.

In some ways, I have tried to convince myself that this web of depression, apathy, confusion, self-pity, embarrassment, lethargy and denial is something I weaved all on my own and therefore can and must deconstruct on my own. Then, sometimes I search for a scapegoat (any scapegoat!) to explain away my excessive weight gain, imploding self-esteem and, ultimately, my lack of participation in life. I cringe when I realize all I have missed out on and all of the negative messages I have believed about myself and this life because of what has transpired this past year, and sometimes it just seems like it will be too hard to fix.

Better just suck it up and deal with it, Katie...you DO realize how good you have it, right?

Right. I do get it. I am blessed in so many ways - some I am fully happy and thankful for, others I feel a little guilty or ashamed about. I guess that's the double-edged sword of growing up in america to a stable, successful and loving family. Not that I'm complaining, but if I don't change now, what will I miss out on in the future because I am out of shape, feel chubby and inadequate, don't have the motivation, or worse, just don't care?

Maybe it's just not your year.

Maybe it's not, and perhaps that simple phrase will be the beginning to finding peace amidst the gloom. Maybe, miraculously and at an unknown time, a light-switch will turn on in me and I will change the course of this boat. But, how long can I milk this phrase which begs the questions: 1) is it okay to waste a year of life? 2) is it incredibly selfish to feel like I'm wasting my life when I'm so privileged? 3) are my issues a lack of willpower, something more mysterious or something less controllable? 4) am I allowed some self-pity in a rather large "valley" in the topography of my life? 5) how long can I fake it?

I risk a great deal by writing these things in public. I risk coming across as a neurotic self-diagnosing drama-queen, though I am simply attempting to relate my true feelings. I risk judgement or, worse, pity from the people I love. Yet, the wall I have constructed to protect myself from my own reality is likely large enough to deflect the arrows of others. What concerns me most is the removal of the arrows, bows and quills on the inside of that wall. I have labored all year to rid myself of them, but I have never been good at taking "baby steps" and thus, accept failure on a daily basis. I want change and I want it quickly, and this is why I find myself how I am tonight: inexplicably sad, frustrated, tired, uninspired and wanting to escape.

All these feelings in the midst of a very good summer in many ways. That glass is half full. I am loved and undeservedly blessed. I have worth and skills to utilize. I know it in the rational sense of the word. But, I need to KNOW it in that more mystical sense - this is uncharted waters and it scares me. Full speed ahead.

Now enough of these obnoxious metaphors and time for bed.

set my body free

~Arcade Fire "My Body is a Cage"

Do you ever have those moments where you're listening to a song you've heard a million times and finally the lyrics hit you like a ton of bricks because it applies to your life in so many ways? That happened to me today.

My Body is a Cage (on "Neon Bible")

My body is a cage
That keeps me from dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key

I'm standing on the stage
Of fear and self-doubt
It's a hollow play
But they'll clap anyway

My body is a cage
That keeps me from dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key

I'm living in an age
That calls darkness light
Though my language is dead
Still the shapes fill my head

I'm living in an age
Whose name I don't know
Though the fear keeps me moving
Still my heart beats so slow

My body is a cage
That keeps me from dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key

My body is a cage
We take what we're given
Just because you've forgotten, that don't mean you're forgiven

I'm living in an age
Still turning in the night
But when I get to the doorway
There's no one in sight

I'm living in an age
Realizing I'm dancing
With the one I love
But my mind holds the key

You're still next to me
My mind holds the key
Set my spirit free
Set my body free

And the sparrows sing through the wheels on the interstate, and hear no refrain

~Bowerbirds "In our talons"

(This is a letter I sent moments ago to our Bud Light-drinking president. Little did I know that he gets about 10,000 of these a day. Hmmmm....oh well)

Dear President Obama,

I want to thank you for your leadership and quick decision-making in many areas where it was most needed when you took office. I am grateful for the passion, dedication and intelligence with which you approach your new job.

I am writing because I am concerned about the CARS bill and the waste created by the loose regulations of the bill.

A $3500 rebate can be obtained for a mere 2 mpg increase when trading in a light-duty truck. To me, this is ludicrous because it is not a big enough difference to warrant tax dollars being spent and literal tons of waste being added to overflowing landfills. Did you know that a person who gets rid of their car (that they would otherwise continue using) and buys a new Prius to increase their gas mileage is actually doing more harm to the environment in terms of energy cost? The gain in fuel economy is overshadowed by the energy cost to manufacture their new vehicle.

The fact that the car traded in only has to be 8 years old to be considered a "clunker" disturbs me. I believe a huge problem with our mindset as a country is the fact that we are encouraged to believe that we must replace our belongings simply because they are "old". This CARS bill is limited to vehicles manufactured after 1984, which also seems counter-productive. It is my belief that many of the cars made prior to 1984 are the ones which must be removed from the road - for it is these vehicles that have horrific fuel economy, failing emissions tests and poor safety ratings.

These matters are of supreme importance to me, not only as a citizen who cares about reducing waste but also because I am a science teacher. I want my students to be informed about these issues and figure out the best decisions they can make, while they also see those exemplified in your presidency. It is my belief and my hope for your administration that you will make decisions with environmental impact always in mind. We can't wait any longer to start minimizing our irreversible damage to this world. I pray you will continue to be informed on these matters and work towards prodding Americans out of their apathy and into lifestyles that care more for their families, their neighbors, those in need, and our future as a global community.

With much sincerity and hope for a great future,
klk

hope

the cacophony resounds within me;
such joy yet such pain

no words to express,
so i propound nothing -
i hold it in.

the emotions well up.
i flee reality,
i make excuses
my life is, afterall, blessed.

all the days blur and dim.
what will rescue me from the deluge of

exhaustion
sadness
apathy
gloom
?

I took a photograph of you in the herbaceous border

"Another sunny day, I met you up in the garden

You were digging plants, I dug you, beg your pardon

I took a photograph of you in the herbaceous border

It broke the heart of men and flowers and girls and trees"

~Belle and Sebastian, Another sunny day

(A roadtrip to Conway, WA last weekend for the tulip festival with my good friend Sonja. Good times were had by all.)

Days are just drops in the river to be lost always (subtitle: Adults say the darndest things)

~Fleet Foxes ("Drops in the River")

I'm happy to report the Klug household has been virtually ant-free for two weeks since I put out my killer-concoction of cinnamon, bay leaves and cloves all over the house. Although, for the first time, I did see two ants while I was cleaning today...maybe it's time for a refresher...or something a little more lethal.

There's been all sorts of stuff to post about recently, but I've been in one of my I'm not busy enough so I become unmotivated in every area of life situations lately, so the blogs, along with everything else, have lagged behind. C'est la vie, I suppose.

I did realize that, since returning to the part-time catering barista realm, I have heard some funny/annoying/disturbing things from behind the cart that I may as well share on MY blog since Overheardeverywhere.com seems to not like my stuff enough to post (I'm 0/2 and that's shocking, given some of the ridiculous crap they allow through!). But I digress. For your pleasure, abhorrence, et cetera:

1) Lady #1: Do you hear from Becky at all any more?
Lady #2: OH no! We used to be friends, but then she tried to ram Jesus down my throat. (ouch, that must have hurt!)
Everyone standing around: uuuhh HUH!
Lady #1: Yeah, she was a nice girl...but...um...*very* christian.

2) Microsoft guy: So, did you finally find a nanny?
Microsoft gal: Yes, we found a *great* one - she even unloads the dishwasher! (wow, should I nominate her for a Nobel?)
Microsoft guy: I take it she doesn't have any piercings or tattoos?
Microsoft gal: Gawd no! That one girl we interviewed was SO weird! No, this nanny is great - she even has a great boyfriend who comes over sometimes. We really like him...well, except, he has these big plugs in his ears. But, I mean, other than *that* he's totally a normal, nice guy.

(WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?! Can I just interject my distaste for people like this?! So, there's no chance that the girl with the tats could have been an amazing nanny? What the &*$# is "normal" - is the new phrase for being boring, unoriginal and apparently trustworthy? I'm actually going to blog about my feelings in this area soon. I've HAD it, folks! HAD it!)

3) Me to the birthday girl: I love your outfit!
Birthday girl: Oh...thanks. I'm a little embarassed - I didn't get a chance to iron it!
Me: PSSSH! Who irons anymore? (I refrained from following that comment with "I hardly even take showers!")
Other lady: Um. I do.
Birthday girl: So, do I.
Me: Uh, well...um, that's cool. (???)
Other lady: I iron *everything*.
Birthday girl: Yeah, I iron my sheets - I *have* to have them smooth.
Me: What?! Whoa!
Other lady #2: My husband does the all the ironing, so I don't know what gets ironed and what doesn't (...safe to say not much?)

I was like WHOA! Who the heck irons their SHEETS?! People, do something productive with your time.

That is all.

you're drawing flies everywhere that you go, 'cuz you don't take your showers anymore

~Weird Al Yankovic (You don't take your showers)

At the Klug household of late, we've run into a bit of a problem.

The title of this blog may suggest said issue is my infrequent showering, but, no, we've got ants. Tons of 'em.

When the four of us moved to the lake when I was seven, we had a hardcore carpenter ant situation at hand. Those suckers were BIG and hard to kill, what with their impervious armour, but replacement of the rotting wood in the house remedied that one.

Fastforward seventeen years. A month or so ago, I started to notice tiny black ants crawling around my desk when I'd be planning chem lectures. Horrified by the smell they give off when squished (one website said it's formic acid, which definitely explains the stench), I hoped they'd go away. When they didn't, I discussed the issue with my dad.

His ideas? Leaving dishes in my room overnight (guilty). There is another issue of my room being a complete war-zone after four months of full-time teaching and learning, and seeing the little punks crawling out of stacks of paper made me wonder if that could be a contributing factor. Strangely, the problem seemed isolated to my bedroom, which, other than being a little embarrassing, mystified me immensely. So, I went digging through the piles (note: I didn't actually clean them up...who has time for that?) to see if there were any random items of food I wasn't aware of, and I certainly stopped bringing my meals downstairs.

No improvement. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I was watching tv in the living room and enjoying a little snack, when all of a sudden, I noticed that there were about five ants cruising around on the very step I was sitting! Nasty! Last night, I was laying in the tv area (lovingly named "the pit") and had several ants up in my business. Okay, let's really do something about this, please?

But, still, all of these run-ins had something to do with me. Do I smell? I mean, I know I don't shower a ton because of my skin and my recent inactivity, but really? Would that make any sense?

Today, while reading up on the couch, I spotted a legion of ants who had descended on the corpse of a dead spider. Took care of that quickly. But, In only 30 minutes, I had two ants crawling ON me. SICK.

So, I did what any scientist would do: I set to work trying to find a non-toxic household remedy that would rid my life of these pesky invaders. In one simple Google search, I came upon The Frugal Life - an amazing site with ideas for using what you already have to remedy, exterminate, repair and live. There are over two pages of ideas from other cheap people like me trying to kiss ants goodbye.

Here are my favorites:
1) Draw a chalk line where they enter the house - they won't cross it. (!!)
2) Spray a mixture of vinegar/water or soap/water where you see them.
3) Spray Terro inside the house. Spray Terro outside the house.
4) Set out a bottle of cheap maple syrup for them to drown in.
5) Mix Karo, water and Boric Acid for a little toxic treat.
6) Set out cornmeal or cream of wheat - they'll eat it and explode when it expands.
7) Set out cloves, cinnamon, dandelion root, bay leaves, eucalyptus leaves, black pepper, cayenne pepper....
8) Use citronella oil, orange oil, mint oil (one suggested leaving a stuck of mint gum out!).
9) Spread coffee grounds all over the outside of the house.
10) Play obnoxious country music. (okay, I made that one up...but it would work on me!)

Because I don't know exactly where they're entering (thanks to my unbelievably messy room), I decided to give one of the easier ones a try for now: spices. I mixed up a little concoction of cinnamon, whole cloves, ground cloves and ground bay leaves and set it in my room, and in the living room. (Of course, any good scientist would question my faulty scientific method of failing to isolate experiments - yes, I should have tried just one spice and then another, et cetera - but I want these things GONE!)

So, we'll see what transpires. As I've written this blog, I haven't seen any ants in my room...of course, they're probably just messing with me. Let the critter-abation commence!

Update. 3 hours since I wrote this. Seen/killed 3 ants. Maybe I'll buy some boric acid tomorrow.

To be alone with me you went up on a tree

I'd swim across lake Michigan

I'd sell my shoes

I'd give my body to be back again

In the rest of the room

To be alone with you

To be alone with you

To be alone with you

To be alone with you

You gave your body to the lonely

They took your clothes

You gave up a wife and a family

You gave your goals

To be alone with me

To be alone with me

To be alone with me you went up on a tree

To be alone with me you went up on the tree

I'll never know the man who loved me

~Sufjan Stevens ("To be alone with you" off of the Seven Swans album)

I'll never come close to understanding the intensity of His love, the horrific pain He felt, the beauty of His sacrifice or the utter rejection He experienced. Christ died for me (and for you), and I daily reject His selfless gift and His desire to hang out with me, commune and know me better. Instead of living out my faith, I think a better use of my time would be complaining, thinking of how much better my life would be ("if only...") or gratifying myself through whatever means seems best at that given moment.

Though I cannot even fathom what dying for someone else is like, tonight it was a little more real than usual. Thank you, LORD, for doing that for little, messed-up, insignificant me.

Things that make you go "hmmm"

~C+C Music Factory

I'm back! After almost a month straight of not sleeping in my own bed - housesitting, traveling to DC for an awesome vacation, and driving to Portland for a wedding - I am actually happy to be home for a bit now. It helps that my bed is extra comfy. Of course, my dad just returned from a week and a half long business trip to Holland, Austria and Italy (!!!) last night, and his stories were enough to make me want to go straight to my computer and search flights. But I digress.

Though I'm only teaching two Chemistry classes this quarter, and my life, thus, is much less stressful, I still have some tales to share since it's been a while.

1) After spending two late nights in DC with Mr. Excel trying to figure out the best way to adjust my Gen Chem students' grades to a reasonable result (and let me tell you, I was generous), I started getting some emails to the tune of:

"Professor Klug: I would like to make an appointment with you to discuss my grade this quarter. I am very disappointed and would like to know if there is anything I can do to increase my grade."

WHAT?! What college student honestly believes they can do extra credit AFTER the term is over and their grades are submitted? It's fine for them to come in and see how they did on the final, but those grades aren't changing, baby. The way I have dealt with this frustration for almost two weeks now is by not responding to their emails...perhaps not the best way, but it's working by and large.

2) Last week, between DC and Portland when I was teaching the first week of classes, one of my favorite student quotes slipped out of a students' mouth when I was asking them what they did over spring break:

"I went to karaoke with some friends and found that the remedy for nervousness is vodka."

Well put. Though, it is a dry school. I had a good laugh over that one!

Onward.

whose broad stripes and bright stars...

I've been in Washington D.C. since Friday afternoon and, so far, have already seen more than I did when I came as a kid. The weather has been great (60+ and gorgeous yesterday), I've had awesome food from all over the world, reunited with three close college friends and have explored many of the districts of DC and learned a lot about the city! I'm excited to see and do more (and laugh more) this week.
I'm realizing how little I know about history...maybe the Smithsonian museums will help correct that a little this week...

You better think...let your mind go, let yourself be free

~Aretha Franklin ("Think")

I'm sitting here, watching the minutes tick by excruciatingly slowly as my 55 gen chem students take their final exam. A casual observer might notice the increase in number of people wearing sweats (at SPU, students usually dress up more than your average college student for whatever reason) and the intermittent yawns, neck stretches and blank stares at the page. I think it's a good test...though, if you've been following my blog these last 10 weeks, you'll know that I've thought all my tests were fair and awesome.

Nevertheless, this week marks the end of the quarter. I have (almost) made it. My other class gives their research presentations tomorrow, and I have a beast of a paper to write myself...for which I only have a few disconnected thoughts thus far. All this (and grading these 55 finals) needs to be done by Friday morning at 4am, when I hop a plane for 10 awesome days in Washington DC to catch up with a bunch of friends from SPU and try to get a chat with Obama in about his educational policies.

Maybe I'll reflect more on my professorhood these past months in the future when I am further removed from it. Right now, I am welcoming the break, though I will miss these students, their interested spirits and their smiling (usually) faces and hope they are leaving my class with largely positive outlooks. (I guess I'll see the course evaluations in a week and know for sure.) I've attempted this quarter to encourage and foster critical thinking about chemistry and not just giving steps and saying "that's just how it is, you'll have to believe me." Learning to truly THINK for myself has been the greatest gift my teachers and professors have given me, and I still challenge myself daily to do so more.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite moments from the last week (which has mostly been a blur). When grading some take home extra credit quizzes (I'm such a nice prof, right?):

Question: What would happen if you added some hydrobromic acid to the
final solution?

Student: "Probably something amazing. JK. But seriously I
have no clue"

Much laughter ensued. And, no, I didn't give him bonus points (though I considered it).

The words that came made not a sound

~The Helio Sequence ("Hallelujah")

Wait, two blog posts in as many days? This triumphant return to blogitaciousness can only mean one thing: I MUST have a bunch of papers to write... I saw this on my friend Krystel's blog today, and thought, "hmm, finish essay or waste time?" My choice was clear and easy.

Here are 12 pictures that "describe" me somewhat... Who am I kidding? It's just fun to look at pretty pictures and pretend to be all existential or whatever:


Here's how you do it:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

The Questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name. (or if you're not a member of Flickr, do your blog name or email name or something like that)


(I didn't post my pictures in order...I feel it adds a layer of mystery to me. And we ALL like mystery.)

It's like someone spilled a beer all over the atmosphere...

~The wonderful lyrical stylings of Mr. Jens Lekman

I've been mute for a while. Things have been happening, but busyness has trumped blogging. Here are a few random selections from the past month:

1) I just drove my sister and brother to the airport so they can enjoy a week in sunny Hawaii. It's March, snowing and freezing in Seattle. Where am I going for my well-deserved spring break? DC. So much for lounging on the beach :)

2) When discussing my non-existent love life and possible interest in a certain boy with my good friend Amanda a couple of weeks ago, I was surprised to hear "it sounds like you should probably just kiss him, Katie." Hmm...not exactly my style. But, seeing that my style has never produced anything but diminished self esteem and bad memories, maybe it's worth a shot!

3) I ran into a random youth group kid from yester-year while in the grocery store last week. He told me what he has been up to: biking. And then proceeded to lift a pantleg to further make his point by showing me his "mean calves" and bike socks. Nice.

4) The moustache has made a return to Seattle, and I'm just now jumping on that band wagon. I mean, of course, not personally, but my brother's interest the past few years in "expressing himself" through unique and sometimes shocking facial hair at winter's end resulted in a long handlebar moustache last week. This prompted a good ol' nostalgic perusing of the family photos to a time before I was on the scene: a very jovial, little curly haired boy named Alan, a knockout with long brown hair, and dad, with his curly semi-fro and amazing 'stache! Seriously folks, this was a masterpiece, and it only took me 24 years to realize it. Photo to come.

5) Teaching, of course, has been up and down, but mostly up. I still love it, but I'm ready for a break. Makes me wonder how long I'll be teaching at the high school level. I've learned how to deal with staying up late or getting up early to plan lectures, answering 20 emails at 1am before a homework assignment is due, not being very confident that I'll teach something well, worrying that I have massive pit stains when I teach, the extreme backlash (from under AND upperclassmen) when papers or tests are handed back, and, perhaps to a certain extent, even the tears. One thing I still can't bring myself to deal with is students who say things such as:

"You know, I DO have other classes too." (Yes, thanks, I'm fully aware of that)
"It's not like you're a bad teacher, it's me." (Yeah, that's not what I was thinking)
"I just wanted you to see my schedule for the next two quarters. If I don't pass this class I'll be a beggar on the street." (!!!!!!)
"What are my chances of getting an A? Could you estimate this on a 4.0 scale?" (No, actually, I can't)


6) We had Bowling with the Professors a couple of Fridays back, which was quite fun. It was great to have a couple of my students come along and chat with them about things other than science...which ended in one of my girls confessing a crush on one of my other students... I bowled a 160 or something like that. It would have been much higher, but I seem to have a propensity for gutter-balling directly after a strike. My thumb was sore the next day.

7) I bought my ticket for Day 1 of the Sasquatch festival (May 23rd) last weekend. DeVotchKa, Bon Iver, The Decemberists, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Animal Collective, and many other bands that sound legit...who are these "Kings of Leon" guys? Oh well, I'm sure they'll be a better headliner than NIN or Ben Harper. I just can't believe I didn't go last year...

8) When researching my probable Basal Metabolic Rate (BSR) on Friday, I was informed by mypyramid.gov that I am "overweight and should probably try to lose some weight." No kidding. It's not enough to think self-deprecating thoughts daily when I look in the mirror or remember how 3/4 of my clothes don't fit me anymore, now I have to hear it from my computer too! Fun. Interestingly, my weight and height apparently dictate I can eat close to 2500 calories a day and maintain my current weight...not so sure about that. BUT, I did my dad's profile to see if the human trash-compactor was justified in his insane eating habits, and turns out he probably burns between 4500 and 5000 calories a day. WHAT THE HELL?

9) I am so ready for freedom. Or Europe. How about both?

10) This just in: three more gen chem lectures this quarter. The final is almost written, and the other classes are winding down. The light at the end of the tunnel is becoming more intense. First, I have some mean papers to write for my classes....

when the sky turns black, and we know it will from time to time, we've been through that, and we came out on top

~Ivan & Alyosha (Easy to Love)


Last night, as I was finishing up writing the second (hopefully slightly less difficult!) midterm for my general chemistry course and pondering how my students will fare on it, I found this email in my inbox from a student who has only spoken to me once:

"Prof Klug,

Hey I just wanted to e-mail you and let you know that I
really appreciate your class this term! This is my second time taking Chem 1211
and I'm understanding it much much better this quarter! So yeah I just wanted to
shoot you an e-mail letting you know that. Thanks for your
awesomeness.

Love,
(a student)"

Whenever I start to feel like I confuse my whole class of 56 students and they must hate the subject matter, I get a glimmer of hope from a simple email or comment that lets me know all has not been in vain. I suppose it just goes to show that all students learn and express their learning in different ways. Though I hardly know this student, they are enjoying the class! It has been my experience this quarter that I mostly only hear from the students who are not enjoying or are frustrated because they are not "getting it," but there are others in that sea of fun faces.

We'll see how they feel after the test tomorrow. I'm expecting a huge improvement, though...

this is all that i can say right now. i know it's not much.

~David Crowder Band ("All I Can Say")


It's hard to know what will happen day-to-day in the sometimes routine events of my life. It's even harder to realize that I'm not at the center of the universe.

Late to work on Wednesday, thinking if I hit all of the lights from Bellevue to Fremont perfectly I'd make it to my General Chemistry lecture just in time, I had a sinking feeling that I'd be late as I crossed the 520 bridge in haste.

10:54am: I turn left to cross the Fremont bridge and the cars suddenly stopped in unison. "Oh crap, what a perfectly horrific time for the bridge to go up," I thought. But when the bridge didn't go up, I noticed that a couple trucks had their four-way flashers on, so I figured a car was stalled. Little did I know that seconds before I got my green light, a terrible crash had taken place.

10:58am: Sitting in a row of cars, I call into work to ask someone to tell my class I would be 15-20 minutes late. "I can't believe this, what an inconvenience." A fire-truck arrives on the scene and then I see it: a paramedic giving someone CPR on the sidewalk. My heart sank: I have been well trained in CPR and first aid. I should have been out there.

I pulled a U-turn and made it over a different bridge...my students were all there waiting for me even though I was 20 minutes late while news helicopters hovered over the area and sirens continued to scream, but that image haunted me all day and is still fresh in my mind now; especially since I just saw the above article which says that the lady who was receiving CPR died later in the day.

Christine Duffy; wife, friend, mother of twin 5-year old boys. Gone in an instant. Christine, I'm so very sorry I didn't do anything, and though I can't play the "shoulda coulda woulda" game, I am truly ashamed that if nothing else, I considered my lateness more of a concern than your life.

______________________________________________________

I'm reminded of something Shane Claiborne said at Quest this fall:

"Lord, forgive me for thinking too highly of myself,
Lord, forgive me for thinking too lowly of myself,
Lord, forgive me for thinking about myself too much."

May we live each day loving, caring, and humbling ourselves so that others may always be our priority. Never waste a moment. Do all you can to help people. Tell them how you feel and start doing what you were meant to do on this earth.

Doritos 2, Everyone Else 0

Doritos has done it two years in a row!

Last year, the mouse tackling the man eating Doritos almost made me wet myself.

Today, in the midst of hundreds of other terribly boring commercials, my pick was definitely this one.

In other news, for the first time in my life (other than three years ago when the Seahawks were in it), the Super Bowl was actually a very exciting and enjoyable game! Go figure...

good news for people who love bad news

~Modest Mouse

Allow me to set the scene for you:

An entire weekend of slaving at the new Vaio (which I have named "Wolfram," the element Tungsten's original name...but that's for another time) and producing what I thought was a challenging and long, but reasonable exam for my Gen Chem students ended with me giving a study session on Sunday night, followed by several hours of tweaking, writing final questions and making the test slightly easier. Bed at 2am.

I awoke with a start early Monday morning, realizing I had neglected to attach a periodic table to each exam. Other than that, things were going to be great: I had every confidence in my students' abilities and knew they were going to demonstrate their learning awesomely for me. I arrived on campus at 10:40am, with just enough time to copy the periodic tables and grab the test, and then a series of bizarre events began to unfold.

The roller-door to the science office crashed down without explanation, yet I felt no trepidation because the admin told me that an alarm must have just been triggered in the building. "Oh well," I thought, "when I'm done copying, I have to head out to my classroom anyhow." Exams in hand, I made my way across campus around 10:50am, noticing that other doors were closed in "alarm-mode" and several security guards. "Must be a fire alarm or something," I thought, as I made my way past three Seattle Police cars positioned around the campus US Bank. Seeing a friend of mine from my younger years, we chatted while I held the bookstore door open. I made my way across campus and into the other science building, and just as I set my pile of exams down on the desk, the admin came in: "We're in lockdown. Lock your door and shut it. No one can leave."

"Wha, what?" I mumbled. Are you kidding?! Lockdown? As if giving my first exam as a college professor wasn't stressful enough on its own, THIS had to happen too? Astonished, while simultaneously smiling at life's random curve-balls, I tried to quiet my students down and press onward with the exam, not really knowing how I was going to deal with 1/3 of my students being trapped elsewhere (some, I later found, were just outside but couldn't enter).

11:20am: lockdown called off. "That was peculiarly short," I thought to myself, "how in god's name could they have searched the entire campus in 20 minutes?" The MIA students slowly started trickling in, but I could tell focus would not be their ally that day.

Two days later, nothing more has been said, essentially, about the bank robbery (at 10:40am) and the school's terribly slow and inept response. Apparently there were two "unrelated" bank robberies elsewhere in Seattle that day....hmmmmm. The robber never produced a gun, yet one of my students asked to be excused from the exam because she had "seen" him waving a gun around.

Still, I had to have a little self-examination and realize, as all of my friends and family know already, that I'm terribly cavalier with my own safety (my brother looked me in the eye very seriously before I left for Panama and said: "please be safe - don't do anything stupid"). I don't know when it started, but I rarely feel afraid or threatened, for better or for worse. Now that I'm a teacher, I need to realize that I'm responsible for a bunch of other peoples' safety as well, and this was a good eye-opener in that area.

But, WHY did it have to be on exam day? Come ON! We'll talk about the results of the test another time...

Made me think about the way things are, made me think about they way they could be

~My Morning Jacket (Touch Me, I'm Going to Scream Pt.2)


I can't believe I left the post about me being a complete joke as a Chemist up for so long. Suffice to say, it's been a LONG couple of weeks. There have been some funny occurrences and interesting times, but nothing near what I did on the first day of class (see below). It's hard to believe I'm essentially a third done with the quarter already. I've already learned so much these past weeks about myself, my students, chemistry and teaching that I will carry with me throughout my life - I feel so blessed.

When people ask me what I think of teaching college Chemistry classes, I tell them I never expected I would be so happy and feel such a sense of purpose in the midst of the busiest months of my life. When I worked in industry as a pharmaceutical delivery research chemist, I was motivated and interested, but nothing compared to this. Teaching is something that I'm supposed to do with my life (at least a decent portion of it), and I see and feel that now more than ever. My students make me laugh (and I return the favor, I think), and I enjoy working with them in class, lab and one-on-one immensely. Where I thought my age might be a hindrance, it has actually proved to be more fun because I joke around with them and treat them as friend, and yet they still retain some measure of respect for me. It's amazing what a smile and friendly word can mean to folks.

I was thinking on Martin Luther King, Jr day, while I was sitting in Tully's with a sugar-free caramel soy latte (my current favorite) and my new awesome Sony Vaio (boy, I'm name dropping something fierce right now) laptop planning a Physical Chemistry Lecture for the next day "how can I celebrate MLK's legacy and contribute to the new direction America is (I pray) headed?" I kept thinking about education (obviously) and how countless hours of the formative years of a youth are spent in a classroom. The teacher, I am learning, can influence, motivate and spur students on to all sorts of great, new and exciting things, but can also easily and perhaps unintentionally be a hindrance. Interestingly, in my Diversity in America class, we've been discussing multiculturalism and racism the last two weeks. I've never been faced with so many alarming and thought-provoking questions that seem so unanswerable.

I've always thought of myself as a pretty "culturally-savvy" woman, having grown up in an incredibly diverse school district, traveling all over the place, attending a church with folks from all sorts of backgrounds and cherishing learning from people about their culture, way of life and heritage. This, I sometimes think, will aide me well when I teach in the inner-city someday, because I'll be taken seriously, even though I'm as white as a tall, bulky German girl can be.

Then, last night my Prof put on "The Color of Fear" - a documentary from 1993 that placed 10 men from all different ethnic backgrounds in one room for an entire weekend to flesh out true feelings, pain, hopes, anger and disbelief. I've seen it more than once, and it always humbles me because I realize there is a large chance I'm completely ignorant to some prejudices I may espouse. It's also more than likely that I will have many students (and parents) who view me as a white girl trying to "save"people who are of minority status in the US. This poses a large problem for my teaching career and likely my whole life. I want to be in community with people of every economic status, every religion, every political view, every race and every goal. I want to be seen as an equal, not holding some sort of sceptre of power just because I'm light skinned. Sometimes I feel guilty for being a white European-American. Often, I'm ashamed and overwhelmed by the racism, oppression and power of the majority and wish I wasn't associated with it.

But, that doesn't seem fruitful or fair. Is it legitimate to say I couldn't choose my skin color? Can I still do what I feel called to do, or will something as material and earthly as flesh color stymie my dreams?

So...what's the answer?

We all recognize that I'm the problem here

~WAS (Ghouls, again)


Today, I had to face the reality that I made not one, but TWO rather large and embarrassing mistakes in Chemistry Lecture yesterday.

When talking about three general categories of matter (element, compound and mixture), I used a worksheet from a colleague and changed it a bit, but failed to DO the worksheet myself before class (time is of the essence recently). So, when we were going over the answers, I made the two following wrong corrections to my students' correct answers:

1) Dry Ice isn't a compound, it's an element (nitrogen)

2) Steel is an element

I know, I know...I have a Masters Degree in Polymer Materials Science and I made these two blatantly wrong statements almost back-to-back. I'm so ashamed.

Of course, I have a defense for both. I was thinking of the fact that we used Liquid Nitrogen to cool CO2 (Dry Ice) at my old job, so I had a brain fart and said it was Nitrogen. Crap. Then, I was remembering our grading key for these students' density lab saying "Steel (Fe)" for one of the unknowns. So, I just defaulted to that, forgetting that steel is, in fact, an alloy of mostly iron and commonly carbon.

I briefly entertained the sinister idea of pretending that I meant to mess them up to see if anyone would catch me, but then I realized that I have to admit the mistakes, apologize and use this as a teachable moment that I'm not perfect. I certainly never want this to happen again, which ramps the pressure for being on top of my game even more for the next nine weeks.

I'm just worried that they'll lose whatever ounce of respect they had for me when I tell them tomorrow.

And no I won't relax or act like it's no big deal

~We are Scientists (Ghouls)


An email I found in my inbox this evening:

"Your totally cool! :) && by the way, you make chemistry seem so easy so far!"

Granted, we've only had two days of class. And, she didn't say FUN, rather EASY. But, still, a welcome encouragement as I am scrambling to plan lectures, be on time places, grade papers, show up to my own classes on time (definitely went to the wrong classroom tonight), not annoy my colleagues with rapid-fire emails, and live, in general. Showers, exercise, time with friends and sleep will come at a premium these next three months. I'll let you know which ones climb the priority list.

A few things I've noticed about myself in the professor role thus far:

1) I sweat like CRAZY when I teach. I'm going to be one of those profs with the pit stains, I just know it.

2) Necessity is the mother of creativity. It's amazing what you can think up when you have Chemistry on the brain 24/7.

3) I'm learning that all good Chemistry professors MUST be pyromaniacs. My mom actually asked me today if I was being safe...

4) I LOVE this! I'm happier than I've been since I moved home even though I hardly have time to breathe. It's so wonderful to be doing what I feel gifted and called to do.

Oh, and yep, it already happened:

"Are you our TA, or our professor?"

The stares and whispers when I walk into a class are priceless. I can just tell they are saying, "Seriously?!?!" I think I'm proving myself legit slowly...

Then I see you, you're walking' 'cross the campus, cool professor studying romances

~Vampire Weekend ("Campus")


"Hi everyone, I'm Dr. Klug...wait, no I'm not...I'm not a doctor, I have a masters. Anyhow, I'm Professor Klug, but you can call me Katie."

Opening statements like that one don't exactly build your professional-cred, do they?

With day one of teaching Chemistry at Seattle Pacific University under my belt, all I can say is: at what point in the next 11 weeks will I be checked into the nutty farm after an epic breakdown? My first general chemistry lecture went surprisingly well (save for the above faux pax), but I finally realized today that this is going to be an insane three months. Bring it.

Stay tuned for more blog-worthy happenings from Professor Klug's classes...rest assured there will be many.

I wandered empty streets, down past the shop displays; I heard cathedral bells, tripping down the alley ways

~Simon and Garfunkel (For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her)

Running through downtown Bend in spandex and insane face makeup in the snow on camera. Cramming for the Praxis Chemistry and Physics exams with few hours left. Planning a wedding in two weeks. Bear-sighting on a Rouge River backpacking trip. Les Miserables in London. Handling a puker, a crier and sleep screamer all in my first night as a counselor. Getting pooed on by a bird in Stockholm. Miracles. Riding a gargantuan Belgian draft horse and getting bucked off by a Belgian pony. Wandering down deserted Venecian corridors. Rostbratwurst, Stroopwafels, Haribo, Milka and Berliner Pilsner. Witnessing the impact and artifacts of communism and war. Hospitality. Incessantly singing Flight of the Conchords songs with camp friends. Starting graduate school completely unprepared. Meeting people from all over the globe. Reconnecting with friends from home. Getting pulled over on foot twice by Panamanian police. The best and the worst of hostels. Going entire days without hearing English. The Phantom of the Opera in Seattle. Buying blown glass beads where it all began in Murano, Italy. Snowshoeing on a golf course in Bellevue.

In a year flanked with two huge snow storms (one in Bend, one in Seattle), much has transpired. In general, I get really tired of seeing “this year in review” articles on every website and specials on TV as the year draws to a close. Why is it so important to evaluate the past year for only a day or week? Shouldn’t I be constantly evaluating and making sure I’m on the track I need and want to be on? But then again, there is something valuable about reflection and introspection, and if New Years Eve is the time to do it, that’s okay. Or, in my case, January 2nd.

Three cities of residence, six new countries visited, seven cabins of crazy camp girls, three teacher tests passed, four jobs, three amazing and individual weddings (three missed also), five awesome concerts, one new president that I have high hopes for, six new stamps in my passport, one radical junior high youth group that I miss quite a bit, hundreds of miles walked and beautiful sights seen, and countless new friends.

That pretty much sums up my year. It’s had its ups and many downs both personally and globally and I certainly have goals and hopes for change and health in the coming year. But, I have been so blessed by opportunity, adventure, independence, excitement, new friendship, challenge and growth this year. As I enter 2009 with trepidation, much curiosity, some regret and more travel on my mind, may I recall the faithfulness and presence of God throughout my life, especially the past year. I pray that your next 12 months will afford you opportunities to play, think, enjoy, learn, experience, create and impact. Your current reality may not be ideal (as it is with mine), but live life to its fullest wherever you are. I’ll try to do the same.

“I’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms-
I’m celebrating your rescue.
I’m singing at the top of my lungs,
I’m so full of answered prayers!”
~Psalm 13 (The Message)