~My Morning Jacket (Touch Me, I'm Going to Scream Pt.2)
I can't believe I left the post about me being a complete joke as a Chemist up for so long. Suffice to say, it's been a LONG couple of weeks. There have been some funny occurrences and interesting times, but nothing near what I did on the first day of class (see below). It's hard to believe I'm essentially a third done with the quarter already. I've already learned so much these past weeks about myself, my students, chemistry and teaching that I will carry with me throughout my life - I feel so blessed.
When people ask me what I think of teaching college Chemistry classes, I tell them I never expected I would be so happy and feel such a sense of purpose in the midst of the busiest months of my life. When I worked in industry as a pharmaceutical delivery research chemist, I was motivated and interested, but nothing compared to this. Teaching is something that I'm supposed to do with my life (at least a decent portion of it), and I see and feel that now more than ever. My students make me laugh (and I return the favor, I think), and I enjoy working with them in class, lab and one-on-one immensely. Where I thought my age might be a hindrance, it has actually proved to be more fun because I joke around with them and treat them as friend, and yet they still retain some measure of respect for me. It's amazing what a smile and friendly word can mean to folks.
I was thinking on Martin Luther King, Jr day, while I was sitting in Tully's with a sugar-free caramel soy latte (my current favorite) and my new awesome Sony Vaio (boy, I'm name dropping something fierce right now) laptop planning a Physical Chemistry Lecture for the next day "how can I celebrate MLK's legacy and contribute to the new direction America is (I pray) headed?" I kept thinking about education (obviously) and how countless hours of the formative years of a youth are spent in a classroom. The teacher, I am learning, can influence, motivate and spur students on to all sorts of great, new and exciting things, but can also easily and perhaps unintentionally be a hindrance. Interestingly, in my Diversity in America class, we've been discussing multiculturalism and racism the last two weeks. I've never been faced with so many alarming and thought-provoking questions that seem so unanswerable.
I've always thought of myself as a pretty "culturally-savvy" woman, having grown up in an incredibly diverse school district, traveling all over the place, attending a church with folks from all sorts of backgrounds and cherishing learning from people about their culture, way of life and heritage. This, I sometimes think, will aide me well when I teach in the inner-city someday, because I'll be taken seriously, even though I'm as white as a tall, bulky German girl can be.
Then, last night my Prof put on "The Color of Fear" - a documentary from 1993 that placed 10 men from all different ethnic backgrounds in one room for an entire weekend to flesh out true feelings, pain, hopes, anger and disbelief. I've seen it more than once, and it always humbles me because I realize there is a large chance I'm completely ignorant to some prejudices I may espouse. It's also more than likely that I will have many students (and parents) who view me as a white girl trying to "save"people who are of minority status in the US. This poses a large problem for my teaching career and likely my whole life. I want to be in community with people of every economic status, every religion, every political view, every race and every goal. I want to be seen as an equal, not holding some sort of sceptre of power just because I'm light skinned. Sometimes I feel guilty for being a white European-American. Often, I'm ashamed and overwhelmed by the racism, oppression and power of the majority and wish I wasn't associated with it.
But, that doesn't seem fruitful or fair. Is it legitimate to say I couldn't choose my skin color? Can I still do what I feel called to do, or will something as material and earthly as flesh color stymie my dreams?
So...what's the answer?
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3 comments:
Have you ever seen the movie Freedom Writers? It came to my mind while reading your post, and even though its got a whole lot more to it than just racism issues, I thought it was quiet inspiring.
God has called you to do something, He wont leave you alone. Every obstacle, even something as big as racism, God will be there helping you through.
klug, so awesome that you are thinking about these crazy issues. you definitely need to have a conversation with some of my friends here in dc. white privilege and working in majorly urban and diverse settings are a constant issue amongst my circle of friends. there is so much to discuss and work through. my super good friend that i live with struggles a lot with being a white male - he's got an interesting story since he works at church of the saviour (a place you should definitely check out as i think you'd really be into a lot of what they are doing). anyhow, yes, we must talk soon. hopefully you can make it out here soon as well and i can hook you up with some really cool and thoughtful people working through these same issues. obviously, i have a say too, but it's different being an asian woman. hopefully you have people of color, white folks, and a few different ses statuses represented (at the very least) out there in seattle you can chat with.
it's a really hard place to be in. i will say this: try not to be discouraged but at the same time i think it's important to constantly recognize that being white makes it pretty much impossible to ever fully understand what's going on in racist america/the world/what it's like to be a part of the minority. i always remember what dr. roe said in cross-cultural psych about never really knowing what it's like to be a bat (do you remember that lecture?) we can never fully know what it's like to be of a different culture. but at the same time it's our responsibility to learn about and interact with other cultures as much as possible.
okay, this comment is too long. i'll keep you and your struggle in my thoughts and prayers!
peace and love.
God can work through racial divide. If you feel that He is calling you to benefit inner-city schools, then He'll work through you as you walk down that path. As long as your heart is to do God's work by helping those in need, then it doesn't matter what the students and/or parents think of you. It's more important that God is pleased.
P.S. - Who wouldn't love you? You're so much fun! I'd love to have a teacher like you.
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