~Modest Mouse
Allow me to set the scene for you:
An entire weekend of slaving at the new Vaio (which I have named "Wolfram," the element Tungsten's original name...but that's for another time) and producing what I thought was a challenging and long, but reasonable exam for my Gen Chem students ended with me giving a study session on Sunday night, followed by several hours of tweaking, writing final questions and making the test slightly easier. Bed at 2am.
I awoke with a start early Monday morning, realizing I had neglected to attach a periodic table to each exam. Other than that, things were going to be great: I had every confidence in my students' abilities and knew they were going to demonstrate their learning awesomely for me. I arrived on campus at 10:40am, with just enough time to copy the periodic tables and grab the test, and then a series of bizarre events began to unfold.
The roller-door to the science office crashed down without explanation, yet I felt no trepidation because the admin told me that an alarm must have just been triggered in the building. "Oh well," I thought, "when I'm done copying, I have to head out to my classroom anyhow." Exams in hand, I made my way across campus around 10:50am, noticing that other doors were closed in "alarm-mode" and several security guards. "Must be a fire alarm or something," I thought, as I made my way past three Seattle Police cars positioned around the campus US Bank. Seeing a friend of mine from my younger years, we chatted while I held the bookstore door open. I made my way across campus and into the other science building, and just as I set my pile of exams down on the desk, the admin came in: "We're in lockdown. Lock your door and shut it. No one can leave."
"Wha, what?" I mumbled. Are you kidding?! Lockdown? As if giving my first exam as a college professor wasn't stressful enough on its own, THIS had to happen too? Astonished, while simultaneously smiling at life's random curve-balls, I tried to quiet my students down and press onward with the exam, not really knowing how I was going to deal with 1/3 of my students being trapped elsewhere (some, I later found, were just outside but couldn't enter).
11:20am: lockdown called off. "That was peculiarly short," I thought to myself, "how in god's name could they have searched the entire campus in 20 minutes?" The MIA students slowly started trickling in, but I could tell focus would not be their ally that day.
Two days later, nothing more has been said, essentially, about the bank robbery (at 10:40am) and the school's terribly slow and inept response. Apparently there were two "unrelated" bank robberies elsewhere in Seattle that day....hmmmmm. The robber never produced a gun, yet one of my students asked to be excused from the exam because she had "seen" him waving a gun around.
Still, I had to have a little self-examination and realize, as all of my friends and family know already, that I'm terribly cavalier with my own safety (my brother looked me in the eye very seriously before I left for Panama and said: "please be safe - don't do anything stupid"). I don't know when it started, but I rarely feel afraid or threatened, for better or for worse. Now that I'm a teacher, I need to realize that I'm responsible for a bunch of other peoples' safety as well, and this was a good eye-opener in that area.
But, WHY did it have to be on exam day? Come ON! We'll talk about the results of the test another time...
1.23.2009
Made me think about the way things are, made me think about they way they could be
~My Morning Jacket (Touch Me, I'm Going to Scream Pt.2)
I can't believe I left the post about me being a complete joke as a Chemist up for so long. Suffice to say, it's been a LONG couple of weeks. There have been some funny occurrences and interesting times, but nothing near what I did on the first day of class (see below). It's hard to believe I'm essentially a third done with the quarter already. I've already learned so much these past weeks about myself, my students, chemistry and teaching that I will carry with me throughout my life - I feel so blessed.
When people ask me what I think of teaching college Chemistry classes, I tell them I never expected I would be so happy and feel such a sense of purpose in the midst of the busiest months of my life. When I worked in industry as a pharmaceutical delivery research chemist, I was motivated and interested, but nothing compared to this. Teaching is something that I'm supposed to do with my life (at least a decent portion of it), and I see and feel that now more than ever. My students make me laugh (and I return the favor, I think), and I enjoy working with them in class, lab and one-on-one immensely. Where I thought my age might be a hindrance, it has actually proved to be more fun because I joke around with them and treat them as friend, and yet they still retain some measure of respect for me. It's amazing what a smile and friendly word can mean to folks.
I was thinking on Martin Luther King, Jr day, while I was sitting in Tully's with a sugar-free caramel soy latte (my current favorite) and my new awesome Sony Vaio (boy, I'm name dropping something fierce right now) laptop planning a Physical Chemistry Lecture for the next day "how can I celebrate MLK's legacy and contribute to the new direction America is (I pray) headed?" I kept thinking about education (obviously) and how countless hours of the formative years of a youth are spent in a classroom. The teacher, I am learning, can influence, motivate and spur students on to all sorts of great, new and exciting things, but can also easily and perhaps unintentionally be a hindrance. Interestingly, in my Diversity in America class, we've been discussing multiculturalism and racism the last two weeks. I've never been faced with so many alarming and thought-provoking questions that seem so unanswerable.
I've always thought of myself as a pretty "culturally-savvy" woman, having grown up in an incredibly diverse school district, traveling all over the place, attending a church with folks from all sorts of backgrounds and cherishing learning from people about their culture, way of life and heritage. This, I sometimes think, will aide me well when I teach in the inner-city someday, because I'll be taken seriously, even though I'm as white as a tall, bulky German girl can be.
Then, last night my Prof put on "The Color of Fear" - a documentary from 1993 that placed 10 men from all different ethnic backgrounds in one room for an entire weekend to flesh out true feelings, pain, hopes, anger and disbelief. I've seen it more than once, and it always humbles me because I realize there is a large chance I'm completely ignorant to some prejudices I may espouse. It's also more than likely that I will have many students (and parents) who view me as a white girl trying to "save"people who are of minority status in the US. This poses a large problem for my teaching career and likely my whole life. I want to be in community with people of every economic status, every religion, every political view, every race and every goal. I want to be seen as an equal, not holding some sort of sceptre of power just because I'm light skinned. Sometimes I feel guilty for being a white European-American. Often, I'm ashamed and overwhelmed by the racism, oppression and power of the majority and wish I wasn't associated with it.
But, that doesn't seem fruitful or fair. Is it legitimate to say I couldn't choose my skin color? Can I still do what I feel called to do, or will something as material and earthly as flesh color stymie my dreams?
So...what's the answer?
I can't believe I left the post about me being a complete joke as a Chemist up for so long. Suffice to say, it's been a LONG couple of weeks. There have been some funny occurrences and interesting times, but nothing near what I did on the first day of class (see below). It's hard to believe I'm essentially a third done with the quarter already. I've already learned so much these past weeks about myself, my students, chemistry and teaching that I will carry with me throughout my life - I feel so blessed.
When people ask me what I think of teaching college Chemistry classes, I tell them I never expected I would be so happy and feel such a sense of purpose in the midst of the busiest months of my life. When I worked in industry as a pharmaceutical delivery research chemist, I was motivated and interested, but nothing compared to this. Teaching is something that I'm supposed to do with my life (at least a decent portion of it), and I see and feel that now more than ever. My students make me laugh (and I return the favor, I think), and I enjoy working with them in class, lab and one-on-one immensely. Where I thought my age might be a hindrance, it has actually proved to be more fun because I joke around with them and treat them as friend, and yet they still retain some measure of respect for me. It's amazing what a smile and friendly word can mean to folks.
I was thinking on Martin Luther King, Jr day, while I was sitting in Tully's with a sugar-free caramel soy latte (my current favorite) and my new awesome Sony Vaio (boy, I'm name dropping something fierce right now) laptop planning a Physical Chemistry Lecture for the next day "how can I celebrate MLK's legacy and contribute to the new direction America is (I pray) headed?" I kept thinking about education (obviously) and how countless hours of the formative years of a youth are spent in a classroom. The teacher, I am learning, can influence, motivate and spur students on to all sorts of great, new and exciting things, but can also easily and perhaps unintentionally be a hindrance. Interestingly, in my Diversity in America class, we've been discussing multiculturalism and racism the last two weeks. I've never been faced with so many alarming and thought-provoking questions that seem so unanswerable.
I've always thought of myself as a pretty "culturally-savvy" woman, having grown up in an incredibly diverse school district, traveling all over the place, attending a church with folks from all sorts of backgrounds and cherishing learning from people about their culture, way of life and heritage. This, I sometimes think, will aide me well when I teach in the inner-city someday, because I'll be taken seriously, even though I'm as white as a tall, bulky German girl can be.
Then, last night my Prof put on "The Color of Fear" - a documentary from 1993 that placed 10 men from all different ethnic backgrounds in one room for an entire weekend to flesh out true feelings, pain, hopes, anger and disbelief. I've seen it more than once, and it always humbles me because I realize there is a large chance I'm completely ignorant to some prejudices I may espouse. It's also more than likely that I will have many students (and parents) who view me as a white girl trying to "save"people who are of minority status in the US. This poses a large problem for my teaching career and likely my whole life. I want to be in community with people of every economic status, every religion, every political view, every race and every goal. I want to be seen as an equal, not holding some sort of sceptre of power just because I'm light skinned. Sometimes I feel guilty for being a white European-American. Often, I'm ashamed and overwhelmed by the racism, oppression and power of the majority and wish I wasn't associated with it.
But, that doesn't seem fruitful or fair. Is it legitimate to say I couldn't choose my skin color? Can I still do what I feel called to do, or will something as material and earthly as flesh color stymie my dreams?
So...what's the answer?
1.08.2009
We all recognize that I'm the problem here
~WAS (Ghouls, again)
Today, I had to face the reality that I made not one, but TWO rather large and embarrassing mistakes in Chemistry Lecture yesterday.
When talking about three general categories of matter (element, compound and mixture), I used a worksheet from a colleague and changed it a bit, but failed to DO the worksheet myself before class (time is of the essence recently). So, when we were going over the answers, I made the two following wrong corrections to my students' correct answers:
1) Dry Ice isn't a compound, it's an element (nitrogen)
2) Steel is an element
I know, I know...I have a Masters Degree in Polymer Materials Science and I made these two blatantly wrong statements almost back-to-back. I'm so ashamed.
Of course, I have a defense for both. I was thinking of the fact that we used Liquid Nitrogen to cool CO2 (Dry Ice) at my old job, so I had a brain fart and said it was Nitrogen. Crap. Then, I was remembering our grading key for these students' density lab saying "Steel (Fe)" for one of the unknowns. So, I just defaulted to that, forgetting that steel is, in fact, an alloy of mostly iron and commonly carbon.
I briefly entertained the sinister idea of pretending that I meant to mess them up to see if anyone would catch me, but then I realized that I have to admit the mistakes, apologize and use this as a teachable moment that I'm not perfect. I certainly never want this to happen again, which ramps the pressure for being on top of my game even more for the next nine weeks.
I'm just worried that they'll lose whatever ounce of respect they had for me when I tell them tomorrow.
Today, I had to face the reality that I made not one, but TWO rather large and embarrassing mistakes in Chemistry Lecture yesterday.
When talking about three general categories of matter (element, compound and mixture), I used a worksheet from a colleague and changed it a bit, but failed to DO the worksheet myself before class (time is of the essence recently). So, when we were going over the answers, I made the two following wrong corrections to my students' correct answers:
1) Dry Ice isn't a compound, it's an element (nitrogen)
2) Steel is an element
I know, I know...I have a Masters Degree in Polymer Materials Science and I made these two blatantly wrong statements almost back-to-back. I'm so ashamed.
Of course, I have a defense for both. I was thinking of the fact that we used Liquid Nitrogen to cool CO2 (Dry Ice) at my old job, so I had a brain fart and said it was Nitrogen. Crap. Then, I was remembering our grading key for these students' density lab saying "Steel (Fe)" for one of the unknowns. So, I just defaulted to that, forgetting that steel is, in fact, an alloy of mostly iron and commonly carbon.
I briefly entertained the sinister idea of pretending that I meant to mess them up to see if anyone would catch me, but then I realized that I have to admit the mistakes, apologize and use this as a teachable moment that I'm not perfect. I certainly never want this to happen again, which ramps the pressure for being on top of my game even more for the next nine weeks.
I'm just worried that they'll lose whatever ounce of respect they had for me when I tell them tomorrow.
1.07.2009
And no I won't relax or act like it's no big deal
~We are Scientists (Ghouls)
An email I found in my inbox this evening:
"Your totally cool! :) && by the way, you make chemistry seem so easy so far!"
Granted, we've only had two days of class. And, she didn't say FUN, rather EASY. But, still, a welcome encouragement as I am scrambling to plan lectures, be on time places, grade papers, show up to my own classes on time (definitely went to the wrong classroom tonight), not annoy my colleagues with rapid-fire emails, and live, in general. Showers, exercise, time with friends and sleep will come at a premium these next three months. I'll let you know which ones climb the priority list.
A few things I've noticed about myself in the professor role thus far:
1) I sweat like CRAZY when I teach. I'm going to be one of those profs with the pit stains, I just know it.
2) Necessity is the mother of creativity. It's amazing what you can think up when you have Chemistry on the brain 24/7.
3) I'm learning that all good Chemistry professors MUST be pyromaniacs. My mom actually asked me today if I was being safe...
4) I LOVE this! I'm happier than I've been since I moved home even though I hardly have time to breathe. It's so wonderful to be doing what I feel gifted and called to do.
Oh, and yep, it already happened:
"Are you our TA, or our professor?"
The stares and whispers when I walk into a class are priceless. I can just tell they are saying, "Seriously?!?!" I think I'm proving myself legit slowly...
An email I found in my inbox this evening:
"Your totally cool! :) && by the way, you make chemistry seem so easy so far!"
Granted, we've only had two days of class. And, she didn't say FUN, rather EASY. But, still, a welcome encouragement as I am scrambling to plan lectures, be on time places, grade papers, show up to my own classes on time (definitely went to the wrong classroom tonight), not annoy my colleagues with rapid-fire emails, and live, in general. Showers, exercise, time with friends and sleep will come at a premium these next three months. I'll let you know which ones climb the priority list.
A few things I've noticed about myself in the professor role thus far:
1) I sweat like CRAZY when I teach. I'm going to be one of those profs with the pit stains, I just know it.
2) Necessity is the mother of creativity. It's amazing what you can think up when you have Chemistry on the brain 24/7.
3) I'm learning that all good Chemistry professors MUST be pyromaniacs. My mom actually asked me today if I was being safe...
4) I LOVE this! I'm happier than I've been since I moved home even though I hardly have time to breathe. It's so wonderful to be doing what I feel gifted and called to do.
Oh, and yep, it already happened:
"Are you our TA, or our professor?"
The stares and whispers when I walk into a class are priceless. I can just tell they are saying, "Seriously?!?!" I think I'm proving myself legit slowly...
1.05.2009
Then I see you, you're walking' 'cross the campus, cool professor studying romances
~Vampire Weekend ("Campus")
"Hi everyone, I'm Dr. Klug...wait, no I'm not...I'm not a doctor, I have a masters. Anyhow, I'm Professor Klug, but you can call me Katie."
Opening statements like that one don't exactly build your professional-cred, do they?
With day one of teaching Chemistry at Seattle Pacific University under my belt, all I can say is: at what point in the next 11 weeks will I be checked into the nutty farm after an epic breakdown? My first general chemistry lecture went surprisingly well (save for the above faux pax), but I finally realized today that this is going to be an insane three months. Bring it.
Stay tuned for more blog-worthy happenings from Professor Klug's classes...rest assured there will be many.
"Hi everyone, I'm Dr. Klug...wait, no I'm not...I'm not a doctor, I have a masters. Anyhow, I'm Professor Klug, but you can call me Katie."
Opening statements like that one don't exactly build your professional-cred, do they?
With day one of teaching Chemistry at Seattle Pacific University under my belt, all I can say is: at what point in the next 11 weeks will I be checked into the nutty farm after an epic breakdown? My first general chemistry lecture went surprisingly well (save for the above faux pax), but I finally realized today that this is going to be an insane three months. Bring it.
Stay tuned for more blog-worthy happenings from Professor Klug's classes...rest assured there will be many.
1.02.2009
I wandered empty streets, down past the shop displays; I heard cathedral bells, tripping down the alley ways
~Simon and Garfunkel (For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her)
Running through downtown Bend in spandex and insane face makeup in the snow on camera. Cramming for the Praxis Chemistry and Physics exams with few hours left. Planning a wedding in two weeks. Bear-sighting on a Rouge River backpacking trip. Les Miserables in London. Handling a puker, a crier and sleep screamer all in my first night as a counselor. Getting pooed on by a bird in Stockholm. Miracles. Riding a gargantuan Belgian draft horse and getting bucked off by a Belgian pony. Wandering down deserted Venecian corridors. Rostbratwurst, Stroopwafels, Haribo, Milka and Berliner Pilsner. Witnessing the impact and artifacts of communism and war. Hospitality. Incessantly singing Flight of the Conchords songs with camp friends. Starting graduate school completely unprepared. Meeting people from all over the globe. Reconnecting with friends from home. Getting pulled over on foot twice by Panamanian police. The best and the worst of hostels. Going entire days without hearing English. The Phantom of the Opera in Seattle. Buying blown glass beads where it all began in Murano, Italy. Snowshoeing on a golf course in Bellevue.
Running through downtown Bend in spandex and insane face makeup in the snow on camera. Cramming for the Praxis Chemistry and Physics exams with few hours left. Planning a wedding in two weeks. Bear-sighting on a Rouge River backpacking trip. Les Miserables in London. Handling a puker, a crier and sleep screamer all in my first night as a counselor. Getting pooed on by a bird in Stockholm. Miracles. Riding a gargantuan Belgian draft horse and getting bucked off by a Belgian pony. Wandering down deserted Venecian corridors. Rostbratwurst, Stroopwafels, Haribo, Milka and Berliner Pilsner. Witnessing the impact and artifacts of communism and war. Hospitality. Incessantly singing Flight of the Conchords songs with camp friends. Starting graduate school completely unprepared. Meeting people from all over the globe. Reconnecting with friends from home. Getting pulled over on foot twice by Panamanian police. The best and the worst of hostels. Going entire days without hearing English. The Phantom of the Opera in Seattle. Buying blown glass beads where it all began in Murano, Italy. Snowshoeing on a golf course in Bellevue.
In a year flanked with two huge snow storms (one in Bend, one in Seattle), much has transpired. In general, I get really tired of seeing “this year in review” articles on every website and specials on TV as the year draws to a close. Why is it so important to evaluate the past year for only a day or week? Shouldn’t I be constantly evaluating and making sure I’m on the track I need and want to be on? But then again, there is something valuable about reflection and introspection, and if New Years Eve is the time to do it, that’s okay. Or, in my case, January 2nd.
Three cities of residence, six new countries visited, seven cabins of crazy camp girls, three teacher tests passed, four jobs, three amazing and individual weddings (three missed also), five awesome concerts, one new president that I have high hopes for, six new stamps in my passport, one radical junior high youth group that I miss quite a bit, hundreds of miles walked and beautiful sights seen, and countless new friends.
That pretty much sums up my year. It’s had its ups and many downs both personally and globally and I certainly have goals and hopes for change and health in the coming year. But, I have been so blessed by opportunity, adventure, independence, excitement, new friendship, challenge and growth this year. As I enter 2009 with trepidation, much curiosity, some regret and more travel on my mind, may I recall the faithfulness and presence of God throughout my life, especially the past year. I pray that your next 12 months will afford you opportunities to play, think, enjoy, learn, experience, create and impact. Your current reality may not be ideal (as it is with mine), but live life to its fullest wherever you are. I’ll try to do the same.
“I’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms-
I’m celebrating your rescue.
I’m singing at the top of my lungs,
I’m so full of answered prayers!”
~Psalm 13 (The Message)
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