What does a normally dedicated blogger do when she hasn’t blogged in 2 months? Make excuses? Talk about how busy and tired she’s been? Catch everyone up on all the crazy things that have happened in the last 8 weeks? Start from scratch? Ask a bunch of annoying questions? A little bit of everything?
The last two months have been a blur, but when I stop and try to pick out items of note, I realize that although I’m still lonely at times and feel like I do nothing but work and exercise, things are on a definite upswing. So, here we go, in rapid-fire incomplete sentences:
Worked a lot of overtime, played bball on a city league team, Kellie and Elizabeth came to visit me in Bend - awesome! (that’s about all I can remember about February), flew to Seattle for my cousin Megan’s wedding and grandpa’s 90th birthday, the next weekend drove to Seattle to fly to MAUI with my family for a glorious week-long vacation, drove back down to Bend, watched as much of March Madness as was humanly possible, had a dinner party with some friends from work, went up to Portland last weekend for cousin Chris’ 30th birthday and to see the family I spent time with in China, and last but not least, my brother and Leah got engaged on Wednesday (!!!!!)
Congrats, you two! I love ya.
So, you see...March has not been without its craziness, but I like that in a lot of ways.
Strangely, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking (I know, weird, isn’t it?) this last week, and while I can’t say I’ve had tons of epiphanies, I do feel like I’m growing up and learning things daily. Some highlights:
1) gossip at work can get out of control: enough said
2) being the only single girl in my entire company is a recipe for disaster
3) my plans and ideas of what a successful, rational, fun life looks like are (and should be) much different from those I’m close to
4) I care way too much about how I look even though I don’t wear makeup
5) If this dating thing ever actually happens to me, I’m going to be terrible at it and awkward at all times
6) God is the most patient entity in existence and always will be
I have been astray for a pretty solid year now, yet God quietly waits for me to seek him with a new, fresh and dedicated passion. What is it about Lent and Easter that makes me feel such a sense of obligation and at the same time, desire, to “get right with God”? I’m not even sure if I’ve ever experienced being “right” with Him, the one whom I’ve associated my whole identity with for almost 15 years. But, do I really know Him? Good Friday has always been my yearly wake-up call, which is why I count it as the most significant day every year in my life. There are no presents, no family get-togethers, no special meals to overeat at. Just a time for me to cut through all the crap and realize how little I allow God into my life, and even knowing that would be the case almost 2000 years later in Bend, Oregon, He was tortured for hours and suffered pain worse than I will ever feel. For ME. For YOU.
I’ve been reading the gospel of John this Lenten season, and because he was an eye-witness of Jesus’ crucifixion, his account really struck me today while I read it. Mostly, chapter 17 of John just blows me away. Jesus, in all his fear and anxiety about what is about to happen to him, spends a long time praying for his disciples and believers in the future. That’s me and you again. Selflessness, humility, unconditional love. That’s Jesus, and that’s a tough act to follow.
In this time of Easter celebration and remembrance, may you, no matter who you are or what you believe, realize how much Jesus loved you back when he died for you 2000 years ago and felt every crappy and horrible thing that has ever happened in your life. That’s a God worth giving my whole life to, and even though He knows and I know I’ll never be perfect, the desire to seek, learn and love is what He asks me for.
“’[I pray] for those who believe in Me...I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me.’” ~John 17:20-23
