take this sinking boat and point it home

~Falling Slowly (from "Once" - you should see it)

it's been a while. a LONG while. it would take days to recap what has transpired since my last post, but suffice to say, WOW. after deciding to return to SPU for my Master's in Teaching in the fall, i got a weird idea which involved forfeiting the tens of thousands of dollars i could have made all summer at my job in Bend and leaving a beautiful town early to be a camp counselor at the horse camp my brother Alan and I grew up attending.

a camp counselor, katie? isn't that a job for 19 year olds? in a word, yes. but, i went for it anyway. i figured i would just be the camp grandma...

i hadn't set foot at Cascades Camp in Yelm in 9 years when I arrived in mid june. and, having just moved from bend four days prior, my mind was reeling as i wondered what the hell i had just gotten myself into and what i had just left behind: friends, an amazing church and junior highers, a cool job, independence, and one of the most beautiful places to live in America. many things about camp have changed. many are the same. some of my anticipations were spot-on. others were painfully off.

i have just completed seven weeks here at camp. four cabins of girls have come and gone, three to go. one week of family camp, one week of kitchen duty, and one week of training have filled my other weeks. there have been wonderful highs and frustrating lows. i have cleaned bathrooms and cabins more times than i can count, eaten more chicken nuggets than i care to admit, seen more horses defacate than i wish to recall, worn dirty jeans for three weeks in a row, done a million lice checks it seems, still haven't gotten in the lake, and got bucked off of a horse when i was riding bareback on Thursday.

yet, you'll often find me with a smile on my face and a peace in my heart i have never before experienced. to be sure, i'm often exhausted, in desperate need of alone time, or craving adult conversation that will last more than five minutes. but when i came here, i asked the LORD to kick me in the butt - to teach me, challenge me and convict me about the way i will live my life from here on - and HE has been faithful to bring some serious ass-kicking in my general direction.

i started out the summer by learning some things about me -my personality, the ways i work well (and don't work well with others), what i need daily to survive, what energizes me, what brings me down, and what is important to me. "is that ALL i'm going to learn this summer, God??!" i asked two weeks ago, "can't you REALLY bring it and show up?"

it deserves a post of its own, but the nine wide-eyed, beautiful, energetic, passionate, and curious 9th graders that showed up at my door two sundays ago changed my life. God has and will continue to answer my prayers to work in and through me, and to show me what a life lived fully for Him can look like. i want it more than ever before, and that's both exciting and extremely scary. it's crazy to think that i asked Jesus to be in my life 16 years ago and i've only begun to realize what He is all about these past few years. sometimes, in the midst of several amazingly mature 19 year old 'kids" here at camp who are much closer to God that i am, i have the tendency to feel like i've been missing the proverbial boat. feelings of inadequacy and embarassment creep up.

but, i am determined to be thankful for these inspiring examples in my life, for the friends i have met, for the challenges i have faced, for the times my pride has been crushed, for the times the LORD has touched my heart with words from kids and coworkers, for the beautiful nature i am surrounded by daily, for the pure beauty of a child deciding to follow Jesus, for the conversations i have had, and for the realizations that no one but God is doing the real work here - it is my job to love, be obedient, listen and work with a humble and positive attitude while trusting He will do amazing things.

i choose my attitude, my priorities, my words and my actions every day. may i take this once sinking boat of a life and faith and point it towards the only ONE who lasts. my home. my strength. my endurance. my hope. my whole life.