So often as a girl in the Christian church, you get told "you should be a Proverbs 31 kind of woman when you grow up." THEN a man will want you. THEN you'll be worthy. To be honest, if the Proverbs 31 woman was real, she was a pretty outstanding human being: serving family, the poor, the needy, working diligently, evincing her strength, intelligence and ingenuity daily through her actions and words.
But, does this passage do damage? Maybe not to some. Yet, to a little girl growing up moritified that her future was predestined to be filled with marriage, babies, submission and house cleaning - for that is the only useful and intended employment of the woman - this passage induced even more anxiety for me. I'm not perfect. Never have been. I argue, I change my mind a lot, I have my lazy moments, I have big dreams, I'm hairy and tall, I don't think I want kids, I like to cook and clean sometimes but certainly not daily: who's going to love that?
Books like the ever-frustrating "Lady in Waiting" told me that I had to become the princess worthy of the prince of my dreams. Worthy. There's that pesky word again. Are these books meant to make the (Christian) woman feel so crappy about herself that she seeks a man to save her from her agony and self-doubt who leads, controls and aligns with other traditional male gender roles so she can pump out babies and casseroles while never having an original opinion again because her prince of a husband takes care of the thinking and decision making for her?
I come across as a raging bitch here, when I am not intending to. I have numerous friends whose marriages are pretty darn traditional and they're happy and fulfilled. It works for some, but not all, and that's my point. If there's anything I've learned in my 20s, it's that everyone is an individual and I'm done putting people in a box (or allowing myself to be placed in one). These past few years have been unbelievably difficult yet freeing, painful yet abounding in joy, for I have confronted almost everything I used to believe through the lens of the Lord's heart for peace, justice, mercy and love. A lot of things have changed because of that, including my views and desires concerning marriage, gender and the future. It's worth the wait to find someone who jives with the person you are and want to continue to become on your life-long journey. Maybe I'll never find him, and that's okay. Forget this crap about losing hope of finding a spouse past 30 or about not being able to truly live life to its fullest as a single person. That's malarky (yes, I just said malarky) and I pray you don't buy into it. And, may I remind all of us; no one is perfect or worthy.
These thoughts were randomly conjured up in my mind tonight as Cake's ever-catchy and strange song played on my drive home from school. I was laughing, thinking, were they paraphrasing Proverbs here?
"I want a girl who gets up early,
I want a girl who stays up late.
I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity
who uses a machete to cut through red tape.
With fingernails that shine like justice
and a voice that is dark like tinted glass.
She is fast, and thorough and sharp as a tac,
she is touring the facility and picking up slac.
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket."
Boy, would I like to know what justice shines like. I think I like this image infinitely more than Proverbs 31 - this girl has some serious edge, knows success, fights for justice and speaks her mind. At least that's what I get out of it.
Here's to having standards and not settling, knowing and loving yourself, becoming a better person for the sake of the world - not just your imagined future spouse - and moving forward with LIFE, passion and calling no matter what season you find yourself in.
