Oh that we could always see such spirit through the year

~Charlie Brown (“Christmastime is here”)...i’m listening to The New Frontiers, who do a great cover of it, too!

i’m not feeling it this year.

i can’t put my finger on it, but i have no “Christmas spirit” and it makes me sad. It also necessitates reflection.

It could be that October, November and December have been the three busiest consecutive months of my life and i haven’t had time to even stop and think about the holidays, or more importantly, the “reason for the season” as some like to title it. But, many people use that excuse, and that’s not ample enough for me. It also could be the fact that this is the first time in my life i will only be home for a week surrounding Christmas. The five years i was in college, i was lucky enough to be home for the vast majority of December, so this is a new experience for me. Sure, i threw a white-elephant Christmas party on Friday (it didn’t disappoint with a couple of inappropriate t-shirts, a metal bird sculpture and plastic beaded santa figurines), listen to Christmas music every chance i get (i’m loving Sufjan Stevens’ Christmas albums this year), have made two batches of traditional Klug cookies, and hell, we even have a tree and decorations at our house, thanks to my roommate. But yet it doesn’t feel right. i remember things felt a little off last year, too.

i certainly am disgusted by materialism, and this undoubtedly is a big reason for my lack of yuletide joy. i did my only “day” of shopping on Saturday and couldn’t handle it after about 1.5 hours. i’m pretty sure it’s a good thing to realize that presents don’t matter, just as getting your Christmas cards sent off punctually, having a spotless and perfectly decorated home, throwing the best party and making the tastiest cookies don’t.

Perhaps i’m being too hard on Christmas. After all, what did it ever do to me but land me some (usually) sweet stuff and make me fat every year? i know some Christians who just treat “americanized christmas” as a totally separate entity from the real meaning and enjoy both for different reasons. i think i like that. There’s nothing wrong with giving gifts, having a reason to celebrate and catch up with friends and baking really great food. But, i keep wondering how Christmas ever turned into what it is today. The season of the most important birthday has turned into a stressful, obligatory, finance-stretching, month long period of one-upmanship and materialism. But, then again, folks appear to be happier during the season. In general, they are nicer to one another, and gift-giving is often a fun and positive gesture. That giving and slightly-less-selfish attitude is the “spirit” i’d like to see all year.

It may be obvious that my realism and skepticism is what’s ruining the holiday spirit for me, but possibly, it’ll turn out to be a good thing over time IF i actually take time to ponder advent and what this month truly means to my life and how it can change me. i think i’ve been contemplating these issues more this year because of my yearning to spend time abroad, which will probably land me in another country for some Christmases. i found myself writing a friend who will be spending the holidays in China and telling him i was actually jealous that he wasn’t surrounded with the American insanity that is christmas, because maybe it would be more real.

hopefully when i arrive home in Bellevue on Friday, my mindset will change. Either way, celebrating Christ’s birth is something i want to focus on more. now, if only i didn’t have a party every night this week...