~"True Love Waits" (Radiohead)
I have lived 22 great and full years.
22 of those I have spent single.
Most people seem extremely surprised when they find out, which I take as a compliment. Perhaps they are simply dumfounded because "everyone" dates in college. Whatever their meaning, I have to admit, I am sometimes surprised also that I've never found a guy that I like that magically likes me too. Rest assured, my good friends can tell you I've had more that fair share of interests and crushes in my lifetime, but nothing ever materializes (probably something to do with me being a total wimp).
I just graduated from a school that has a serious problem with dating. The problem is simple: no one dates. I have grouped the SPU population into general descriptors, but I'll spare you. Too many times, people come to college (especially SPU) and start "the hunt." I'll admit I did it. I thought I had paid my dues in highschool - never dating or going to a dance I was asked to. This was my chance! I wasn't looking for a husband, just someone to spend time with, know on a different level than my guy friends, and have a blast with. I had it really bad for about 3 guys throughout freshman year, which proved to cause me much unwanted stress, pain and time that I should have been spending doing more useful things. I reduced myself to harmless crushes for the next two years, and then ended college thinking a lot about a boy that was my friend and more "my type" (if that exists) than anyone I've liked before. Now, granted, I'm not sure what I'd be looking for because I have no experience, but he is a fun, adventurous, introspective, kind, active and intelligent individual...all of which I am extremely attracted to. Of course, I left Seattle without doing anything about it.
Which is a good transition into my diagnosis for the "SPU ordeal". There are several reasons for this sad lack of boldness and casual dating. 1) Girls (at SPU) think the guy needs to do all the initiating of everything (even if the guy doesn't know the girl exists!), 2) Guys think most girls want to be crazy-serious from the start and are actively persuing their "ring by spring," 3) Girls do not want to put themselves "out there" and get frustrated when guys don't ask them out, 4) Guys are more nervous/scared than girls think they are when it comes to putting themselves "out there." Thus, you have the most amazing stalemate since World War One.
It's been nice to free myself from this sickly and frustrating atmosphere, and see that, yes indeed, people in the real world DO date, and wait more than 6 months to get engaged!! Refreshing. I know I have a lot of years left to live, and I'm in no rush to "settle down" any time soon. At times throughout the past several years I have spent too much time thinking about what I could do differently to win the approval of an awesome man. This leads to much comparison to the world around me and an overkill of self-consciousness. Many people feed me the blanket phrase: "you're just so intimidating, Katie!" as if this completely explains my perpetual singlehood. Perhaps there's some truth to that. After all, I am fairly tall, like chemistry, speak my mind and enjoy a good competition.
Whatever the reasons, I have reached a point where I'm refusing to say "I give up," or "screw men," or "I'm so terrible, no one will ever love me." Rather, I realize that I am a unique, passionate person, and I want my life to be full of adventure, amazing stories, helping people, learning and laughing. I can't waste my time bemoaning my lack of significant other. Do I want to date someday, possibly even marry? Yeah. Does it have to be now? Of course not. Could I live my life and do what I feel called to do as a single woman? Absolutely.
My grandpa told me this weekend (out of the blue): "Mr. Right will come along someday, Katie." I hope someday for a man with whom I can be myself, travel, laugh constantly, philosophize and discuss books, politics, science and faith, all the while maintaining some of the independence that I love. I refuse to buy into the crap that I need to change myself in order for this to happen. What fun would love be if you couldn't be real, fart, make mistakes, stick your foot in your mouth, speak your mind or get sweaty? May we realize that running after "the elusive prize" will only lead to a less fulfilling life, wasted time, and heartache. I'll hold out for the real deal, thank you. I leave you with my favorite Radiohead song:
True Love Waits
I'll drown my beliefs
To have you be in peace
I'll dress like your niece
To wash your swollen feet
Just don't leave
Don't leave
I'm not living
I'm just killing time
Your tiny hands
Your crazy kitten smile
Just don't leave
Don't leave
And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love lives
On lollipops and crisps
Just don't leave
Don't leave
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2 comments:
I LOVE the fact that you write this post about being okay with who you are (which is great) and being okay with being single (which is good) while having hope for the future and then conclude it with the lyrics to one of the most depressing Radiohead songs (which is saying something), that runs completely contrary in theme to what you've just written.
However, Miss Klug, you are a cool cat. Just remember not to blame everything on circumstance, and instead take initiative and the responsibility for the course and direction of your life. We don't have control over everything, but we do have control over nothing.
ps. What are you listening to Radiohead in August for? That's winter music. I better get down to Eugene quick.
The song lyrics are meant to say: "I don't want love to be like that for me." The songwriter is a person who doesn't know what they would do with themself if they were left, and yet true love is hiding from him, waiting to be freed. Why get stuck with something like that?
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