oooh, baby, baby it's a wild world

~Cat Stevens

It's funny, I look back on these last 5 months as the biggest slump of my life (yet). While that's sad, and mildly depressing, it's changed me. A lot. Coming to Eugene was going to be my first real chance to be away from home and I was going to go it alone successfully and adventurously, while taking the solo time to get to know myself outside of SPU and Seattle and, most importantly, to be more in tune with my God I want so badly to know better.

It started off okay. I really liked my first polymer class and July was full of fun (in comparison to the months to follow, at least), including an impromtu road trip to the Nickel Creek concert in Bend. This event prompted the beginning of this blog and the statement that I would never again live the same day twice. How idealistic of me. Well, that was a nice thought, but as fatigee, very weird health issues, lack of both friends and motivation all set in over the rest of the summer and fall, I have now realized that I'm not a fan of the "Katie" in Eugene, and I certainly live the same boring existence over and over. Well, if you consider the different knitting projects I work on and movies I watch each day, I guess they're technically not identical....but you get the picture *sigh*

I'm determined, however, to shake myself out of this apathy, and even though I just had to cut a painful check for $1800 to buy my freedom from my landlord, my impending move to Bend, Oregon after the Holidays has me hoping that sunshine (and apparently a lot of snow) are just around the corner. I really can't explain what's been wrong with me, but I can tell you I've learned quite a few things about myself recently, which I'm hoping will be worth it in the long run:

1. Being alone for long periods of time does crazy things to my psychological health and motivation in all areas
2. I really, really want to keep in touch with people
3. Cooking isn't as fun when you're eating alone
4. I have brought myself to a level of procrastination I never before thought possible (which is why I'm blogging now instead of studying for my final tomorrow)
5. While I like spontenaity, I'm finding I need a small amount of routine so that I actually DO things (especially when it comes to quiet time)
6. Living by myself would be okay for me if I had my friends in the same city
7. I miss very simple things: talks with Kellie in my room, playing UNO and Balderdash with the pals, Falconettes meetings, going to Quest church, having people over for dinner, and seeing my family
8. I get very weird ideas/thoughts when I'm alone with my thoughts
9. TV is a drug
10. I'm finally officially sick of school (for now)
11. I actually am capable of crying occasionally (I was beginning to wonder!)

However, there is a silver lining. I have picked up some new hobbies (other than being a total bed-potatoe) and bettered myself at others, and this has been my reason for living. I absolutely love racquetball now, I'm getting pretty good at knitting and making jewlery, and I've got surprising potential in Tai Chi, which I plan to continue with in Bend. I have found that the only time I can consistently feel great is after a Tai Chi class. I also am building my tolerance to spicy/hot foods, and have come a long way. Oh, that and The Office is the single greatest TV show ever.

In addition, as I said above, I am much easier to please now. I still love being outdoors and doing activities, but as long as there are people around, I'm officially good. That's why the last couple of weeks have been a bit of a deviation from the mean. I've made two good friends in Eugene, and we hang out, knit, watch The Office and cook fabulous meals, which has been wonderful. November is always the best because it houses my all-time favorite holiday which was great this year because it included both sides of my family, Kellie, and my cousin Megan's boyfriend who just arrived from Burkina Faso (West Africa). It was also wild because I skipped TWO classes to come home a day early (my first time skipping ever!). This year was a little more crazy because my cousin Chris finally proposed to his awesome girlfriend Jenny, and my brother made it official with his new girlfriend all in the week prior to Thanksgiving. Cap it off with some good time with friends from SPU, a freak Seattle snow storm, and two of the best desserts I've ever made, and I had the ingredients for a great week at home!

So you see, I will live. I have less than a week in this city and then I get to go home! Life isn't always perfect, but mine has been pretty amazing up until this latest experience. I really can't complain.