When you kill it is justice

You set yourself above
That all forgiving god
You claim that you believe in
Your kind is gonna fall
Your ship is sinking fast
And all your able men are leaving

Only someone
Who's morally
Superior can possibly
And honestly deserve
To rule my world

I talk before I think
You shoot before you know
Who's in your line of fire
So somehow we're the same
We're causing people pain
But I stand and take the blame
You scramble to the night

Only someone
Who's morally
Superior can possibly
And honestly deserve
Only someone
Who's morally
Superior can possibly
And honestly deserve

To rule my world

Explain me one more time
When they kill it's a crime
When you kill it is justice

~Kings of Convenience (Rule My World)

It takes a lot of nerve to destroy this wondrous earth

~Bowerbirds (In Our Talons)

In class today (oh yeah, by the way, I started student teaching 2 weeks ago! I'm keeping an anonymous blog detailing my experiences, so give me a shout if you'd like the url...), my mentor teacher tried to make acid/base equilibrium more tangible by relating it to acid rain and smog. Possibly something that should have been happening while teaching concepts the students were constantly wondering why they needed to learn, but interesting nonetheless.

While we were talking about the significant impact of the pH lowering of the ocean from 8.1 to 8.2 (a big deal, by the way) because of acid rain, the topic of crustacean shell dissolution arose. If you're not a chemist, you may not know that sea shells (crab, mussel, etc) are made of calcium carbonate (just like Tums), so act as a "base" to neutralize the acid rain that falls in the ocean...current end result = thinner shells, future end result = no tasty shrimps. So, just like everything in environmental chemistry, it's a HUGE ISSUE and steps must be taken to SLOW the damage (you cannot reverse it), but because it isn't life-threatening to us, we get complacent...especially the politicians who have to think about money too.

I could go on and on and on. Such important stuff.

Anyhow, the back-row crew in 3rd period (some of my favorite students...the witty, silly boys that are really capable but just need a little direction and a little less socializing) started discussing vegetarians on the topic of losing our pals in the oceans:

J: "No MEAT?! I love meat. I don't understand how ANYONE could be a vegetarian." (at which point I started paying attention for fun)
K: "Yeah, seriously."
J: "I mean, really. C'mon. I couldn't live!"
Me: (catching J's eye and pointing to myself and mouthing "I am")
J: "YOU ARE?! ... Guys, Ms Klug's a vegetarian!"
A: "No WAY! Klugster?! That surprises me."

Klugster. I love my students. Of course, I was outed as a pescatarian (while I was teaching the final period of the day so my mentor teacher could get some stuff done) when I said, "no shrimp would be so sad...they're so tasty."

I've noticed a few things already (that I sort of already knew, but I'm being reminded of more now that I'm in this weird limbo between grad school and actually having my own classroom): 1) I get along with/teach/relate to the boys way better than the girls and that's not a good thing, 2) I can't shove my ethics of environmental stewardship (or any other thing I'm passionate about) down these kids' throats. I mean, I can try to be a positive influence in this area, but ultimately these kids have to be convicted themselves, be that in my class or afterwards. I have to remember that I was a crazy conservative in high school and kids need time to think through what they "believe" as they grow up and mature.

I was even more convinced that my lack of land-animal eating is the right move when I researched today and found that each cow in the world releases roughly the same amount of greenhouse gases (through belching and farting) daily as the average car! Did you know methane is about 23% times more harmful of a greenhouse gas than CO2 (a main gas given off from our cars)?! Also, a funny but interesting fact: in 2003, New Zealand tried to implement a "flatulence tax," but it didn't go through. I love it.

Enough about gas...

I want to live where soul meets body

~Death Cab for Cutie ("Soul Meets Body")

"It's amazing how we think technology is so amazing, but we don't realize our bodies are even more complex," exclaimed my friend as we left the BODIES exhibit this afternoon.

For two hours, my two friends and I were astonished by the intricasies, sizes, shapes and functions of the human body. In some ways, I wish there had been more (the display in Seattle currently is a smaller collection than was here a few years ago, I think), but, as it was, I learned and saw an amazing amount. Of course, my friends would tell you I was more interested in how the human bodies were preserved than how they really function, but hey, I'm a polymer chemist! Though, I have to admit my favorite part of the display was seeing the central/peripheral nervous system nerves fibers that are usually housed within the spinal column - they look like a bunch of tiny ropes that are encased to make one big rope. So cool!

I realized a few things about myself and life while I was there and as I reflected on what I saw as I rode the bus home.

1. I will definitely donate my body to science when I die (I mean, the thought of your body being sawed into cross sections and cast in a polymer is awesome, right?)
2. I don't remember anything from middle/high-school biology classes regarding anatomy and it's really embarrassing. REALLY.
3. The female reproductive organs are TINY.
4. I spend way too much time worrying about the machinery (i.e. my appearance and fitness) and far too little time pondering how I may use myself for the good of others (and then acting on it, of course).
5. We are all so similar at the most fundamental levels. Beauty has nothing to do with one's bone structure, hairlessness, perfect skin or weight. (Not that I didn't know this already, but it's always such a good reminder to look past the packaging.)

These last two years have been rough in many ways, but I'm so ready to move beyond the focus (whether negative or positive) on myself and finally take part in the service I feel I was created for. It's been a long road, but student teaching starts in one week, so I'm slowly getting there. I'm nervous, but I've got a sense that I will be okay even though I'm fully aware I will make embarrassing mistakes, have bad days and be humbled to my core. Knowing that there is a purpose to life is simultaneously the most comforting and scary reality imaginable.

If anything, that's what I was truly led to today; our bodies are so fascinating, intricate, detailed and awe-inspiring, it's hard to believe that there is no reason we are on this earth. May we use every day we have to encourage, love, give, build others up, learn and enjoy the heck out of what we've been given!

I'm on a relatively new quest to learn something new everyday (which I may start to post here...maybe), and today certainly did not disappoint. I leave you with a few interesting facts:
1. Every drop of blood in your body passes through your heart every 60 seconds.
2. Your small intestine is 9 ft long.
3. You have over 100,000 miles of blood vessels in your body.
4. Scientists don't know why people yawn.
5. At 9 weeks, an embryo is about the size of a quarter; at 20 weeks, it's big mango-ish sized (my analogies based on what I saw).
6. You have huge, thin tendons covering your abdominal, back and outer thighs.
7. Embalming fluid has wintergreen essential oil in it (to mask the smell).
8. Babies leave behind some of their cells in the mother when they are born, which apparently gives the mother some health advantages for up to 10 years (further proof that gestation = aliens).
9. Your butt muscles are the biggest ones in your body.
10. Babies are born with 300 bones; Adults only have 209 (still trying to work that one out in my head).
11. Your skin cells replace themselves every month; your bone cells are replaced every three years!

And we’re dancing, early hours drunken days finally ended, and the streets turn for pillowcase

~Animal Collective "In the flowers"

Today has been a day full of intense and varied emotion. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to write tonight when I have so many other important and heavy things to get out on "paper" that have been rattling around in my brain this last month, but, hey, it's my blog. Here it comes.

A beautiful, cold, winter day in Seattle began earlier than normal as fog and the rising sun greeted me on my way to work. Moments later, I was on my way to Seattle to care for the fantastic feline and feeling surprisingly contented. While trying to take care of some important homework (and more important emails), the cat attempted to outcompete my laptop for the prime position. He lingered there for a while, snuggling with me as if I was his best friend. I am terrible with animals, yet this little bugger sat on me and made me feel strangely special for a few moments. Then he went to lay in the sun while cleaning himself and farting all at the same time - a talented one! Excitement came quickly upon receiving a text message from a great friend whom I've lost touch with recently asking for my address for his impending nuptials! What a blessed time of life to be able to celebrate such joys with friends and family.

After a disappointing mini-lesson in class, I sought solace in the gym, where I saw several former students, some former classmates and chatted with a current peer. I love chance meetings and conversations in random places (picture me in an old gym with maybe one other girl and about 20 dudes, all trying to bulk up and one-up each other - this is why I take my glasses off) and memories that there are people in my life who I have impacted, can still impact and can learn much from. My male classmate and I sat on neighboring weight machines and discussed society's role in gender stereotyping and negative body image. I'm sure the beefcakes all around us thought it a strange venue for such a topic. As I exited the gym, I found a message from my sister telling me that the church she (and my brother) are in the throes of planting was given the green-light, even in the midst of an unfortunate stance recently taken by the denomination on sexual orientation. Leah said it best in her text: "God is good!!!" I am ecstatic to join a new church community where all are truly welcome and affirmed; where community and service are actions and life-trajectories, not merely theory.

Feeling some clarity and appreciating the effect of the endorphins, I returned to the feline and my temporary home to pour a glass of Riesling and relax. Imagine my surprise when I found pictures online of my good friend and her brand new baby born today - a week early! I was barely holding back tears as I saw an amazing photographic progression from the door of their home in Panama this morning to the hospital for the birth, the tears and the sheer joy. Birth, while something I feel no desire to experience, is inexplicably incredible even from the onlooker's point of view. The transformation of body, relationship and life is something I'll never quite understand. Powerful, indeed.

Beauty, celebration, humility, joy, excitement, peace and acceptance. What a day.

I'm weary with my former toil, here I will sit and rest a while

This December, I had a very tough time getting into the "Christmas spirit." There were many reasons for this (having mostly to do with a rough year and working at a mall), but for the first time in my life, I found I didn't really care that Christmas was coming and didn't want to listen to Christmas music, save thinking about Advent. However, I went caroling with some friends in downtown Seattle a couple weekends ago and finally allowed the true message and impact of Christmas to permeate my pessimism and disappointment. There really is a big difference between secular and sacred Christmas music!
I found myself clinging these last two weeks to one of my all-time favorite Christmas CDs that my parents own by the King's College Choir of Cambridge. The beautiful delivery of such meaningful and powerful music was exactly what my weary soul needed this year. I truly pray that your Christmas will not end today, but will continue all year long through the expression of selflessness, love, empathy, humility, passion, friendship and peace. These are the lessons Christ teaches me by example and the reason I celebrate His birth, life and sacrifice. Merry Christmas.
Jesus Christ the Apple Tree

The tree of life my soul hath seen
Laden with fruit and always green
The tree of life my soul hath seen
Laden with fruit and always green
The trees of nature fruitless be
Compared with Christ the apple tree

His beauty doth all things excel
By faith I know but ne'er can tell
His beauty doth all things excel
By faith I know but ne'er can tell
The glory which I now can see
In Jesus Christ the apple tree.

For happiness I long have sought
And pleasure dearly I have bought
For happiness I long have sought
And pleasure dearly I have bought
I missed of all but now I see
'Tis found in Christ the apple tree.

I'm weary with my former toil
Here I will sit and rest a while
I'm weary with my former toil
Here I will sit and rest a while
Under the shadow I will be
Of Jesus Christ the apple tree.

This fruit doth make my soul to thrive
It keeps my dying faith alive
This fruit doth make my soul to thrive
It keeps my dying faith alive
Which makes my soul in haste to be
With Jesus Christ the apple tree.

I need a hero!

~Bonnie Tyler (Holding out for a Hero)

I thought it was going to be a boring, cold evening at the "office" tonight. I was sorely mistaken.

Before I present the insane story that is about to follow, let me preface by saying I've been losing things (in addition to my mind) a lot lately. I always get so mad at myself and nostalgic when I lose something, but then am hit over the head every time with the reality that stuff doesn't matter as much as it seems to that minute you realize you lost your favorite antique earrings (that happened to me in DC this year). It's just stuff.

Try telling that to yourself when your purse gets stolen two days before Christmas.

My part-time job in between teaching at SPU and teaching at God-knows-where high school next year is the ever-revered position of the barista (aka helpless punching bag for picky folks) at a new, very swanky, mall in the area. Outdoors. In the winter. It's really an amazing experience selling coffee to people who just spent $1000+ on shoes but don't tip me. But I digress.

I finished my last break tonight in our storage room and headed back out to face the cold and lack of customers. I was getting settled and went to turn on my heater when I saw a lady casually strolling out of our storage room. At first I figured she might have thought it was a store-front (as many do), but the fact that she had been inside made me a little nervous, so I quickly went to check on my belongings.

Sure enough, my bag was gone. *Expletives streaming through my mind as I try to figure out what to do* Getting something stolen is an extremely helpless feeling, I learned tonight. I also found that adrenaline enables me to run about 250% of my normal sprinting speed.

For a short moment, I was contemplating finding this lady on my own and channeling Chuck Norris on her ass, but luckily as I ran through the thin crowds of high-class shoppers to ask the concierge to radio security, she wasn't anywhere to be seen. I truly have no idea what I would have done if I found her on my own.

The security guys and I happen to converge outside an employee corridor, and while I'm semi-coherently explaining what happened, a lady who matches the perp's description exits the employee door. Peculiar. And what does she do? Goes to my espresso cart to buy a coffee from me! I swear, you can't make this stuff up! I pointed to her and told the security guy that she might be the one, so he went to ask her a few questions. Meanwhile, the rest of security shows up and we start talking about what happened in front of this lady, and somehow in the mayhem, she again just slowly strolls away. The security supervisor follows her off the property, I call 911 for the first time in my life, and one of my security friends goes to try to see if the perp stashed my bag anywhere. He finds it quickly with everything in it! This totally does not compute (and still doesn't really). My wallet was open, and the cash had been taken out, but I found it in another part of the bag. Wait, really? Even I wouldn't be that crappy of a criminal. Thankfully she was!

The police officer that showed up was amazing. She was so nice and didn't make me feel like a total douche for calling 911 when nothing was *actually* stolen. Apparently, someone has been stealing from employees down the street at another mall (oh Bellevue, how you have been corrupted!), so they were happy to have the chance to get an ID on this lady. The perp ended up coming back into the mall and wandering around the parking garage (safe to say she wasn't "all there"), where she quickly admitted everything to the security guards and police when they started questioning her. Drunk and looking to steal money for rent from rich patrons of this mall. Not the best idea. Especially because the only cash I had was in Washingtons and Abes.

Such drama I would never have imagined for my evening, but at least that last hour of work was entertaining! I can laugh now because all is well, but if my bag and its contents were not with me tonight, my tune would be much different. I don't consider myself super materialistic, but as much as it sucks to have possessions stolen, it's worse that I know I would freak out so much over losing my ipod or some cash.

An interesting perspective especially as Christmas draws near at break-neck speed. Perhaps I should try to think less about those CDs I'm hoping I'll unwrap in a few hours and more about how my life is changed daily by the people I come in contact with, my union with the confusing yet loving and mystical God, and love that makes no rational sense yet exists everywhere if we just keep our eyes open.

I want a girl who uses a machete to cut through red tape

~Cake ("short skirt long jacket")

So often as a girl in the Christian church, you get told "you should be a Proverbs 31 kind of woman when you grow up." THEN a man will want you. THEN you'll be worthy. To be honest, if the Proverbs 31 woman was real, she was a pretty outstanding human being: serving family, the poor, the needy, working diligently, evincing her strength, intelligence and ingenuity daily through her actions and words.

But, does this passage do damage? Maybe not to some. Yet, to a little girl growing up moritified that her future was predestined to be filled with marriage, babies, submission and house cleaning - for that is the only useful and intended employment of the woman - this passage induced even more anxiety for me. I'm not perfect. Never have been. I argue, I change my mind a lot, I have my lazy moments, I have big dreams, I'm hairy and tall, I don't think I want kids, I like to cook and clean sometimes but certainly not daily: who's going to love that?

Books like the ever-frustrating "Lady in Waiting" told me that I had to become the princess worthy of the prince of my dreams. Worthy. There's that pesky word again. Are these books meant to make the (Christian) woman feel so crappy about herself that she seeks a man to save her from her agony and self-doubt who leads, controls and aligns with other traditional male gender roles so she can pump out babies and casseroles while never having an original opinion again because her prince of a husband takes care of the thinking and decision making for her?

I come across as a raging bitch here, when I am not intending to. I have numerous friends whose marriages are pretty darn traditional and they're happy and fulfilled. It works for some, but not all, and that's my point. If there's anything I've learned in my 20s, it's that everyone is an individual and I'm done putting people in a box (or allowing myself to be placed in one). These past few years have been unbelievably difficult yet freeing, painful yet abounding in joy, for I have confronted almost everything I used to believe through the lens of the Lord's heart for peace, justice, mercy and love. A lot of things have changed because of that, including my views and desires concerning marriage, gender and the future. It's worth the wait to find someone who jives with the person you are and want to continue to become on your life-long journey. Maybe I'll never find him, and that's okay. Forget this crap about losing hope of finding a spouse past 30 or about not being able to truly live life to its fullest as a single person. That's malarky (yes, I just said malarky) and I pray you don't buy into it. And, may I remind all of us; no one is perfect or worthy.

These thoughts were randomly conjured up in my mind tonight as Cake's ever-catchy and strange song played on my drive home from school. I was laughing, thinking, were they paraphrasing Proverbs here?

"I want a girl who gets up early,

I want a girl who stays up late.

I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity

who uses a machete to cut through red tape.

With fingernails that shine like justice

and a voice that is dark like tinted glass.

She is fast, and thorough and sharp as a tac,

she is touring the facility and picking up slac.

I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket."

Boy, would I like to know what justice shines like. I think I like this image infinitely more than Proverbs 31 - this girl has some serious edge, knows success, fights for justice and speaks her mind. At least that's what I get out of it.

Here's to having standards and not settling, knowing and loving yourself, becoming a better person for the sake of the world - not just your imagined future spouse - and moving forward with LIFE, passion and calling no matter what season you find yourself in.