People of Pisa

On the way back home to Rome from the Cinque Terre with my friend Erica who is visiting, we made a long afternoon stop in Pisa yesterday.  Most people follow Mr. Rick Steves' advice and take the bus from the train station to Campo dei Miracoli (Piazza del Duomo) and only see one piece of a rather large city.  Erika and I ventured out beyond the crazy crowds beneath the leaning bell tower (with the help of Trip Advisor) and saw a modern mural by American artist Keith Haring, and walked through what seemed to be mostly locals milling about after work on Friday evening.  It really is worth it to get out of the tourist zone and this trip was no exception.

But even so, the Piazza del Duomo which houses the Baptistry (they think the architects meant for it to be used as a musical instrument - apparently it echoes so long you can sing a chord by yourself!), the Duomo, the bell tower (the main attraction), the largest, cleanest, greenest lawn I've seen in Italy, and the cemetery were pretty amazing because we read quite a bit about each building and their history.  Mr. Steves makes an interesting point: this piazza is chiefly important because of its long-standing history, and because it is the Pisan life from birth to death.  Pretty interesting!  The architecture (1000-1300 or so) is Pisan Romanesque which draws from influences all over the world, most notably Gothic and Islamic art.  Marbled designs, sharp edges, light color, beautiful mosaics, and much attention to detail were all a wonderful sight to see.  It turns out all the buildings are sinking (in different directions), and that the "leaning tower" most known by the world was built in three different centuries.  I enjoyed Pisa much more than I thought I would and next time I will definitely go inside the baptistry and cathedral.  Timing and blistering heat kept us from staying and exploring the inside this time.

Of course, the best moments were watching droves of tourists acting like total fools to get their "Pisa pic" with the tower - pretty soon, I shifted my attention to the acts of idiocy in the name of tourism instead of the sights to be seen.

I call this collection "The People of Pisa:"

Unfortunately missed: a girl backing up with her butt to the tower, and another girl doing some weird dance/erotic move up against it.  Not quick enough on the trigger, but I'll never forget them.

Of course, just to be a hypocrite...

Let's FINISH this!

Seriously!  Go to Pisa and stay a while. 

We are still learning 5000 year-old lessons...

Buon estate a tutti (Happy summer, everybody)!

In a continued (and recently renewed) effort to become a more read individual, I finally marked one off my list today that was recommended to me three years ago: The Epic of Gilgamesh.  Not one with which you are familiar?  Neither was I.  I read Beowulf twice in school, but that was the extent of epics and ancient literature for me until I was introduced to the Enuma Elish in college (with which one can draw fascinating parallels to sacred text creation stories).

The Epic of Gilgamesh is considered to be the oldest story on earth - dating back to almost 3000 BCE, and was found on 11 stone tablets in Mesopotamia (the origins of the Enuma Elish as well).  The themes of loyalty, power-hungriness, friendship, revenge, and search for meaning are all present in large quantities, and it is interesting (and maybe depressing, too) to think that these are all themes in modern life, almost 5000 years later.

However, given the current state of our world where it seems as if almost every nation is at war with someone, the most impacting theme I saw in the epic today was one of creating an understanding of gray area: that people can change, that you can change, and that there might not be absolute truth in all things.  This was the most difficult, but important, lesson I learned in my 20s and it has continued to impact everything about my life from my politics and religion to my friendships and how I choose to spend my time.

This quote especially reminded me of the current Israel-Palestine violence that has escalated this week and my (and I trust everyone's) hope for a peaceful outcome:

"Gilgamesh spoke to Utanapishtim, the Faraway:
'I have been looking at you,
but your appearance is not strange--you are like me!
You yourself are not different--you are like me!
My mind was resolved to fight with you,
(but instead?) my arm lies useless over you.
Tell me, how is it that you stand in the Assembly of the Gods,
and have found life!'"  (Tablet XI)

The EOG is definitely worth a read, especially about halfway through when the two male "macho men" in the story shred the Bull of Heaven to pieces and throw the hindquarters at the lady who tried to kill them with said Bull...all because Gilgamesh wouldn't marry her.  I was laughing out loud.

Next up: a little Italo Calvino reading (not in the original Italian yet...but I have hopes I can start soon with that)...   

A Roman's Rome

Salve da Roma, i miei amici e mia famiglia!

Well, here we are (finally): a blog from Roma!  My first blog post in 2+ years.  And, what years those two years have been.  I was just thinking this morning that I had no idea I would be currently living in Europe as recently as eight months ago.  This all happened more quickly than I realized and, yet, I am happy to report that things have gone surprisingly smoothly.  I sit here writing this in my new apartment (while trying to fend off the mosquitoes...yep, still in October), with my new internet connection, a phone, a bank account, a few new possessions to make the place feel like home, and some fun new memories.

The Vatican (and my neighborhood) as viewed from Garibaldi during my first week in Rome.

And, though things have not been perfectly easy emotionally, I am happy with my decision.  Sure, I so badly want to hug my baby niece who will turn 1 next week (and, of course, the rest of my friends and family!!), and am desperately missing the mountains and water (to call the Tevere River "water" would be very generous), but I am glad to be in Rome.  I have met many lovely, kindred spirits, am daily entertained by my very gregarious students (I have about 20 Italian tutors...they've been very helpful!), and am loving living on my own for only the second time.  My 80 year old portiere is my best friend and I am starting to feel more comfortable with the day-to-day differences (taking out the trash, for example, is quite the ordeal), though I still can't really get used to the coffee and carb-heavy diet
here.  Good thing I brought a ton of tea with me!

I have now been in Rome for about 7 weeks, and have heard the words "why are you here?" about 40,000 times.  Or should I say 40.000 times.  The decimal and the comma are inverted here.  (Try teaching science to kids who have grown up in this system - not easy!)  I continue to process my answer to that question, and though my main goal in moving to Europe was a new "adventure," I am trying to decide whether I want that adventure to be learning Italian well and really get to know Rome, or if I want to live here, continue learning Italian for fun and focus on traveling an obscene amount.  I'm sure it will be some amalgamation of the two.  Today was a beautiful sunny morning and I went for a run to Villa Borghese and Piazza del Popolo (a huge park and very famous plaza) and, for the first time, felt like I really live here.  They say no one in Rome is originally from Rome, so maybe I fit in more than I think, but it was nice to just take a jog around my new city, knowing exactly where I was and how to get home.  Incidentally, home is really close to the Vatican, so it's not too hard to get lost!  

My second visitors (three of my favorite folks from my undergrad days) arrive in Rome tomorrow and then I'm off to Berlin Thursday-Sunday for an IB Chemistry conference.  Can't wait - I loved Berlin when I was there 5 years ago.  Of course, soon, I will have to show pictures of my palace of an apartment, explain the insane process of paperwork and appointments to become a Roman citizen, tell about my trips and constant Italian-language faux pas, share stories about my school, new friends and students, and much more.  But, for now, things are going well though very busy.  I always have time for a phone call (my US number still works - call or text whenever) or a Skype, though - don't be shy.  Just remember I'm nine hours ahead of the west coast :)

Love to all.

Baci (kisses) e buona serata (have a good evening),
Kt

When I grow up, I want to be a forester and run through the moss in high heels

~Fever Ray (When I Grow Up)

I happened upon this Swedish singer this week, and am mesmerized by the song and the video, so I knew I had to share.

When I Grow Up from Fever Ray on Vimeo.

Then, when you're done with that, listen to a cover of the song by my current favorite group, First Aid Kit, a sister-duo from Sweden. They rule.

All Delighted People Raise Their Hands!

~Sufjan Stevens (All delighted people)

This year has been, unsurprisingly, a whirlwind. So much so that it’s difficult for me to quickly pinpoint the highs and lows. Amidst worldwide turmoil and tragedy, it always feels a little narcissistic to look back and evaluate our years with a giant, broad-sweeping thumb-up or thumb-down as if a year can be reduced to that. Did we have success? What does that even mean? Did we love, laugh and have adventure? Did we learn new things? Did we take care of ourselves? Did we waste too much time on the computer? I always end up feeling I could have done better in every category, which is probably normal, and, though I eschew New Year’s Resolutions (because even the best laid plans for me are difficult to follow through with when the rubber meets the road), it is fun to think about general goals and dream about the year to come. As a teacher, it seems more natural to do this in August than December, but c’est la vie.

This year began with barista-me cursing every rich non-tipper in an outdoor stand at a mall (in the winter) and ended with me a full-time, salaried and benefitted high school teacher in one of the best first teaching jobs I could have asked for. Along the road there was a brutal, but valuable, four months of student teaching to finish my second master’s degree, a month-long jury duty service during my summer “break”, two outstanding and unique weddings of two dear cousins in opposite corners of the US (and five other awesome weddings), four trips to Portland (which restored my sanity) and lots and lots of grading and planning and teaching. There were definite joys and deep pains, as we all experience in our years, but, compared to the train-wreck that was 2009, this past year can be credited with Katie getting her groove back, which is probably the best gift of all.

As is customary, I bought a LOT of music this year. A lot. Sometimes it’s easier to reflect upon and remember my year through the music that was most dear to me, and this year is no exception. Every year, I hear about music through different avenues. In 2006, for example, a road trip to Ashland, Oregon with the illustrious Kellie and Kristin introduced me to The Flaming Lips and Sufjan Stevens, and 2008, the year I worked as camp grandmother with a bunch of youngins, I heard Bon Iver and Beirut for the first time. La Blogotheque and random whims at the library were my main sources for new tunes in 2009, and this year was the year of experimentation with $5 downloadable albums on Amazon (mostly successfully) and KEXP songs of the day.

Small, yet fun and significant, memories come flooding back to me when I remember patronizing the Hawthorne Fred Meyer in Portland this summer with the amazing Katie V to buy the new Arcade Fire album and then listening to it all the way back home and all the way to Kansas City to visit my friend Adam the next week. Or, the time Max played Local Natives for me while we worked behind the coffee bar at a live music show at QCafe. During a hot summer day’s lunch break from jury duty, I ran into Mt St Helens Vietnam Band (hailing from my college) across the street at city hall performing, and I even (sortof) met the lead singer of the National at my cousin’s wedding in Massachusetts this July and proceeded to fall in love with their new album (and the Bloodbuzz Ohio music video that was shot in part by cousin). Phantogram, Caribou and Gorillaz were some of my main choices for “pump-up” music on the dark, cold, dismal fall mornings as I drove to work at 6:30am wondering if I could muster any enthusiasm for the day. Perhaps the highlight of my music year was having my mind blown at the Sufjan Stevens concert in October with my high school buddy Kelly. Too much awesome to describe. Sufjan was a staple of the end of my undergrad years and it was a definite bucket list experience to see him live. So, I suppose, when viewed through the lens of my music purchases, this year sounds better than I remembered at first blush! Below is the list of this year’s purchases (with special * for the ones I highly recommend):
________________________________________

Neutral Milk Hotel – In the Aeroplane over the Sea
Foals – Antidotes *, Total Life Forever
Beach House – Teen Dream *
Neon Indian – Psychic Chasms
Phoenix – Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
National – High Violet *
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros – Self-titled
Sufjan Stevens – The Age of Adz, All Delighted People EP *
Belle & Sebastian – If You’re Feeling Sinister
David Grey - Foundling
Mt St Helens Vietnam Band – Self-titled, Where Messengers Meet
Caribou – Swim *
Menomena – Mines
Phantogram – Eyelid Movies
Ray LaMontagne – Til the Sun Turns Black
Arcade Fire – The Suburbs *
Bon Iver – Blood Bank
The Smiths – The Sound of the Smiths
Camera Obscura – Underachievers Please Try Harder, Let’s Get Out of This Country
the dodos – Visiter *
Gorillaz – Plastic Beach
Broken Bells - Self-titled
Local Natives – Gorilla Manor
Yeasayer – Odd Blood
Grizzly Bear – Veckatimest *
Vampire Weekend – Contra
500 Days of Summer Soundtrack
_________________________________________

Narcissism fin.

I wish you a happy, healthy, meaningful and adventurous year filled with learning, growing and standing up for what you believe in! Happy 2011.

turn your frown into a smile, come and listen for a while

~ Jim Noir

Mary Oliver's poems just may save my sanity: beautiful, serene and poignant.

Recently, in the overwhelming profession I now am a part of, I get down...really down. They say teaching gives you the highest highs and lowest lows, but the highs are worth it. So far, I agree, but my perfectionism coupled with living in the suburbs away from friends and any semblance of social life has a tendency to make things look a little bleak. But, it's okay. I will keep calm and carry on, as the famous WWII poster from the UK says.

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

i got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips

Though I saw this last month, I thought I would share one of the funnier moments I've seen on TV in a while (truly, endearingly cute, not funny in the sad/pathetic manner, which has become endemic...but, darnit, I just had to watch the finale of the Bachelorette):

The setting: Kids Jeopardy (probably 10-13 years old)
The question: (I'm paraphrasing) "This extremely popular pop singer says 'If you like it,' then you should do this.
The answer from a young, african-american tweener (who went on to dominate and win): "What is put a ring on it, Alex?"

If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some fiber optics in your hair

This weekend, I had the pleasure of traveling to the Bay area for the wedding of my cousin and her awesome husband! They are such a rad, unique couple, and their wedding weekend evinced that. Because the are loved by many throughout the country, I got to meet some really neat folks: a judge, an arialist, several scientists, a child abuse prosecuter, the Wyoming Superintendant of Public Education, and many more!

The weekend boasted hanging out at their new house on the roofdeck for an awesome BBQ, sunburns, plenty of sun for my gray Seattle-soul, getting wildly confused by driving around the Bay area, a drive to Stanford for family reminiscing time, and, most importantly, one of the most fun wedding evenings I have had the pleasure of taking part in.

One of my cousins made my cousin's dress - themed after some chick in Legend of the Seeker - and it was amazing. She also bought fiber optic hair clips, which added generously to the splendor. The best part was that the bride (being the brilliant physicist that she is), sewed LEDs into her dress with conducting thread (my nerdy-soul sings!) for that extra oomf. Unfortunately, right before the ceremony, one row of the lights shorted out, prompting a delayed ceremony and the mother of the bride (my aunt) getting my nod for quote of the night:

"She's got a short circuit. She has to be the only bride in history to be delayed by electronics!"

And thus began a great night. The groom told the story of how they met (10 years ago) and highlighted milestones from their relationship with stories and readings read by friends. Very nice touch. After vows and signing the marriage license, it was time to party.

And party we did. Cocktail hour, then a brilliant dinner with homemade wine made by my uncle, a little red velvet cake and then it was time for dancing. I absolutely love to dance (whether alcohol is involved or not), and I find weddings to be the best sketch-free opportunity to be silly and have fun with family and friends. At this point, people's inhibitions were pretty low, and we had a great time. My cousins who refuse to dance, my brother and sister-in-law and my PARENTS all made cameo appearances on the dance floor - amazing! A couple of my cousins were particularly intoxicated, which made the evening that much more entertaining and memorable.

All in all, a fantastic time of hilarity, family, celebration and love. From time to time, I find myself naysaying marriage and life-partnership, but on a day like yesterday, one can find no fault in it.

say my name, say my name

Klugosaur
Klugotron
Freddy Klugger
Ms. Awesome
Ms. K
Mrs. KLLOOOOOOOG (one student yells this in a high pitch whenever he sees me...today, he followed this up with a handshake)

My students have all sorts of fun names for me. Of course, being called "Mrs." is annoying, but other than that, I love what they've come up with. Oh, the creativity.

I'm going to miss these kids so much.

are you not the same as you used to be?

I'm currently in the final sprint of my student teaching experience and, thus, I have been very absent from this blog (I have four others, you see), but will make a triumphant return and update the blogosphere about the hardest experience of my life to date quite soon!

In the meantime, while juggling my internship, I've had some interesting experiences relationship-wise (or lack thereof, as it were), and this, one of my favorites by Beach House, has been rattling around in my mind. Enjoy, and perhaps I'll be less cryptic next time.

Used to Be
Beach House

"You are coming home, are you still alone, are you not the same as you used to be?
As the sun grows high and you serve your time, does each day just feel like another lie?
Now you know, is it just for show, just a foolish game that you hide behind?
Don't forget the nights when it all felt right, are you not the same as you used to be?
Used to be

In an endless night, could you feel the fright of an age that was and could never be?
So we hold it close when we feel the most like a love that we could not leave behind
Turn the wheel to each way we feel til I'm lost and I cannot find you there
Don't forget the nights when it all felt right, are you not the same as you used to be?
Used to be

Coming home any day now"

See them perform it live on La Blogotheque, my source for all things new music:

When you kill it is justice

You set yourself above
That all forgiving god
You claim that you believe in
Your kind is gonna fall
Your ship is sinking fast
And all your able men are leaving

Only someone
Who's morally
Superior can possibly
And honestly deserve
To rule my world

I talk before I think
You shoot before you know
Who's in your line of fire
So somehow we're the same
We're causing people pain
But I stand and take the blame
You scramble to the night

Only someone
Who's morally
Superior can possibly
And honestly deserve
Only someone
Who's morally
Superior can possibly
And honestly deserve

To rule my world

Explain me one more time
When they kill it's a crime
When you kill it is justice

~Kings of Convenience (Rule My World)

It takes a lot of nerve to destroy this wondrous earth

~Bowerbirds (In Our Talons)

In class today (oh yeah, by the way, I started student teaching 2 weeks ago! I'm keeping an anonymous blog detailing my experiences, so give me a shout if you'd like the url...), my mentor teacher tried to make acid/base equilibrium more tangible by relating it to acid rain and smog. Possibly something that should have been happening while teaching concepts the students were constantly wondering why they needed to learn, but interesting nonetheless.

While we were talking about the significant impact of the pH lowering of the ocean from 8.1 to 8.2 (a big deal, by the way) because of acid rain, the topic of crustacean shell dissolution arose. If you're not a chemist, you may not know that sea shells (crab, mussel, etc) are made of calcium carbonate (just like Tums), so act as a "base" to neutralize the acid rain that falls in the ocean...current end result = thinner shells, future end result = no tasty shrimps. So, just like everything in environmental chemistry, it's a HUGE ISSUE and steps must be taken to SLOW the damage (you cannot reverse it), but because it isn't life-threatening to us, we get complacent...especially the politicians who have to think about money too.

I could go on and on and on. Such important stuff.

Anyhow, the back-row crew in 3rd period (some of my favorite students...the witty, silly boys that are really capable but just need a little direction and a little less socializing) started discussing vegetarians on the topic of losing our pals in the oceans:

J: "No MEAT?! I love meat. I don't understand how ANYONE could be a vegetarian." (at which point I started paying attention for fun)
K: "Yeah, seriously."
J: "I mean, really. C'mon. I couldn't live!"
Me: (catching J's eye and pointing to myself and mouthing "I am")
J: "YOU ARE?! ... Guys, Ms Klug's a vegetarian!"
A: "No WAY! Klugster?! That surprises me."

Klugster. I love my students. Of course, I was outed as a pescatarian (while I was teaching the final period of the day so my mentor teacher could get some stuff done) when I said, "no shrimp would be so sad...they're so tasty."

I've noticed a few things already (that I sort of already knew, but I'm being reminded of more now that I'm in this weird limbo between grad school and actually having my own classroom): 1) I get along with/teach/relate to the boys way better than the girls and that's not a good thing, 2) I can't shove my ethics of environmental stewardship (or any other thing I'm passionate about) down these kids' throats. I mean, I can try to be a positive influence in this area, but ultimately these kids have to be convicted themselves, be that in my class or afterwards. I have to remember that I was a crazy conservative in high school and kids need time to think through what they "believe" as they grow up and mature.

I was even more convinced that my lack of land-animal eating is the right move when I researched today and found that each cow in the world releases roughly the same amount of greenhouse gases (through belching and farting) daily as the average car! Did you know methane is about 23% times more harmful of a greenhouse gas than CO2 (a main gas given off from our cars)?! Also, a funny but interesting fact: in 2003, New Zealand tried to implement a "flatulence tax," but it didn't go through. I love it.

Enough about gas...

I want to live where soul meets body

~Death Cab for Cutie ("Soul Meets Body")

"It's amazing how we think technology is so amazing, but we don't realize our bodies are even more complex," exclaimed my friend as we left the BODIES exhibit this afternoon.

For two hours, my two friends and I were astonished by the intricasies, sizes, shapes and functions of the human body. In some ways, I wish there had been more (the display in Seattle currently is a smaller collection than was here a few years ago, I think), but, as it was, I learned and saw an amazing amount. Of course, my friends would tell you I was more interested in how the human bodies were preserved than how they really function, but hey, I'm a polymer chemist! Though, I have to admit my favorite part of the display was seeing the central/peripheral nervous system nerves fibers that are usually housed within the spinal column - they look like a bunch of tiny ropes that are encased to make one big rope. So cool!

I realized a few things about myself and life while I was there and as I reflected on what I saw as I rode the bus home.

1. I will definitely donate my body to science when I die (I mean, the thought of your body being sawed into cross sections and cast in a polymer is awesome, right?)
2. I don't remember anything from middle/high-school biology classes regarding anatomy and it's really embarrassing. REALLY.
3. The female reproductive organs are TINY.
4. I spend way too much time worrying about the machinery (i.e. my appearance and fitness) and far too little time pondering how I may use myself for the good of others (and then acting on it, of course).
5. We are all so similar at the most fundamental levels. Beauty has nothing to do with one's bone structure, hairlessness, perfect skin or weight. (Not that I didn't know this already, but it's always such a good reminder to look past the packaging.)

These last two years have been rough in many ways, but I'm so ready to move beyond the focus (whether negative or positive) on myself and finally take part in the service I feel I was created for. It's been a long road, but student teaching starts in one week, so I'm slowly getting there. I'm nervous, but I've got a sense that I will be okay even though I'm fully aware I will make embarrassing mistakes, have bad days and be humbled to my core. Knowing that there is a purpose to life is simultaneously the most comforting and scary reality imaginable.

If anything, that's what I was truly led to today; our bodies are so fascinating, intricate, detailed and awe-inspiring, it's hard to believe that there is no reason we are on this earth. May we use every day we have to encourage, love, give, build others up, learn and enjoy the heck out of what we've been given!

I'm on a relatively new quest to learn something new everyday (which I may start to post here...maybe), and today certainly did not disappoint. I leave you with a few interesting facts:
1. Every drop of blood in your body passes through your heart every 60 seconds.
2. Your small intestine is 9 ft long.
3. You have over 100,000 miles of blood vessels in your body.
4. Scientists don't know why people yawn.
5. At 9 weeks, an embryo is about the size of a quarter; at 20 weeks, it's big mango-ish sized (my analogies based on what I saw).
6. You have huge, thin tendons covering your abdominal, back and outer thighs.
7. Embalming fluid has wintergreen essential oil in it (to mask the smell).
8. Babies leave behind some of their cells in the mother when they are born, which apparently gives the mother some health advantages for up to 10 years (further proof that gestation = aliens).
9. Your butt muscles are the biggest ones in your body.
10. Babies are born with 300 bones; Adults only have 209 (still trying to work that one out in my head).
11. Your skin cells replace themselves every month; your bone cells are replaced every three years!

And we’re dancing, early hours drunken days finally ended, and the streets turn for pillowcase

~Animal Collective "In the flowers"

Today has been a day full of intense and varied emotion. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to write tonight when I have so many other important and heavy things to get out on "paper" that have been rattling around in my brain this last month, but, hey, it's my blog. Here it comes.

A beautiful, cold, winter day in Seattle began earlier than normal as fog and the rising sun greeted me on my way to work. Moments later, I was on my way to Seattle to care for the fantastic feline and feeling surprisingly contented. While trying to take care of some important homework (and more important emails), the cat attempted to outcompete my laptop for the prime position. He lingered there for a while, snuggling with me as if I was his best friend. I am terrible with animals, yet this little bugger sat on me and made me feel strangely special for a few moments. Then he went to lay in the sun while cleaning himself and farting all at the same time - a talented one! Excitement came quickly upon receiving a text message from a great friend whom I've lost touch with recently asking for my address for his impending nuptials! What a blessed time of life to be able to celebrate such joys with friends and family.

After a disappointing mini-lesson in class, I sought solace in the gym, where I saw several former students, some former classmates and chatted with a current peer. I love chance meetings and conversations in random places (picture me in an old gym with maybe one other girl and about 20 dudes, all trying to bulk up and one-up each other - this is why I take my glasses off) and memories that there are people in my life who I have impacted, can still impact and can learn much from. My male classmate and I sat on neighboring weight machines and discussed society's role in gender stereotyping and negative body image. I'm sure the beefcakes all around us thought it a strange venue for such a topic. As I exited the gym, I found a message from my sister telling me that the church she (and my brother) are in the throes of planting was given the green-light, even in the midst of an unfortunate stance recently taken by the denomination on sexual orientation. Leah said it best in her text: "God is good!!!" I am ecstatic to join a new church community where all are truly welcome and affirmed; where community and service are actions and life-trajectories, not merely theory.

Feeling some clarity and appreciating the effect of the endorphins, I returned to the feline and my temporary home to pour a glass of Riesling and relax. Imagine my surprise when I found pictures online of my good friend and her brand new baby born today - a week early! I was barely holding back tears as I saw an amazing photographic progression from the door of their home in Panama this morning to the hospital for the birth, the tears and the sheer joy. Birth, while something I feel no desire to experience, is inexplicably incredible even from the onlooker's point of view. The transformation of body, relationship and life is something I'll never quite understand. Powerful, indeed.

Beauty, celebration, humility, joy, excitement, peace and acceptance. What a day.

I'm weary with my former toil, here I will sit and rest a while

This December, I had a very tough time getting into the "Christmas spirit." There were many reasons for this (having mostly to do with a rough year and working at a mall), but for the first time in my life, I found I didn't really care that Christmas was coming and didn't want to listen to Christmas music, save thinking about Advent. However, I went caroling with some friends in downtown Seattle a couple weekends ago and finally allowed the true message and impact of Christmas to permeate my pessimism and disappointment. There really is a big difference between secular and sacred Christmas music!
I found myself clinging these last two weeks to one of my all-time favorite Christmas CDs that my parents own by the King's College Choir of Cambridge. The beautiful delivery of such meaningful and powerful music was exactly what my weary soul needed this year. I truly pray that your Christmas will not end today, but will continue all year long through the expression of selflessness, love, empathy, humility, passion, friendship and peace. These are the lessons Christ teaches me by example and the reason I celebrate His birth, life and sacrifice. Merry Christmas.
Jesus Christ the Apple Tree

The tree of life my soul hath seen
Laden with fruit and always green
The tree of life my soul hath seen
Laden with fruit and always green
The trees of nature fruitless be
Compared with Christ the apple tree

His beauty doth all things excel
By faith I know but ne'er can tell
His beauty doth all things excel
By faith I know but ne'er can tell
The glory which I now can see
In Jesus Christ the apple tree.

For happiness I long have sought
And pleasure dearly I have bought
For happiness I long have sought
And pleasure dearly I have bought
I missed of all but now I see
'Tis found in Christ the apple tree.

I'm weary with my former toil
Here I will sit and rest a while
I'm weary with my former toil
Here I will sit and rest a while
Under the shadow I will be
Of Jesus Christ the apple tree.

This fruit doth make my soul to thrive
It keeps my dying faith alive
This fruit doth make my soul to thrive
It keeps my dying faith alive
Which makes my soul in haste to be
With Jesus Christ the apple tree.

I need a hero!

~Bonnie Tyler (Holding out for a Hero)

I thought it was going to be a boring, cold evening at the "office" tonight. I was sorely mistaken.

Before I present the insane story that is about to follow, let me preface by saying I've been losing things (in addition to my mind) a lot lately. I always get so mad at myself and nostalgic when I lose something, but then am hit over the head every time with the reality that stuff doesn't matter as much as it seems to that minute you realize you lost your favorite antique earrings (that happened to me in DC this year). It's just stuff.

Try telling that to yourself when your purse gets stolen two days before Christmas.

My part-time job in between teaching at SPU and teaching at God-knows-where high school next year is the ever-revered position of the barista (aka helpless punching bag for picky folks) at a new, very swanky, mall in the area. Outdoors. In the winter. It's really an amazing experience selling coffee to people who just spent $1000+ on shoes but don't tip me. But I digress.

I finished my last break tonight in our storage room and headed back out to face the cold and lack of customers. I was getting settled and went to turn on my heater when I saw a lady casually strolling out of our storage room. At first I figured she might have thought it was a store-front (as many do), but the fact that she had been inside made me a little nervous, so I quickly went to check on my belongings.

Sure enough, my bag was gone. *Expletives streaming through my mind as I try to figure out what to do* Getting something stolen is an extremely helpless feeling, I learned tonight. I also found that adrenaline enables me to run about 250% of my normal sprinting speed.

For a short moment, I was contemplating finding this lady on my own and channeling Chuck Norris on her ass, but luckily as I ran through the thin crowds of high-class shoppers to ask the concierge to radio security, she wasn't anywhere to be seen. I truly have no idea what I would have done if I found her on my own.

The security guys and I happen to converge outside an employee corridor, and while I'm semi-coherently explaining what happened, a lady who matches the perp's description exits the employee door. Peculiar. And what does she do? Goes to my espresso cart to buy a coffee from me! I swear, you can't make this stuff up! I pointed to her and told the security guy that she might be the one, so he went to ask her a few questions. Meanwhile, the rest of security shows up and we start talking about what happened in front of this lady, and somehow in the mayhem, she again just slowly strolls away. The security supervisor follows her off the property, I call 911 for the first time in my life, and one of my security friends goes to try to see if the perp stashed my bag anywhere. He finds it quickly with everything in it! This totally does not compute (and still doesn't really). My wallet was open, and the cash had been taken out, but I found it in another part of the bag. Wait, really? Even I wouldn't be that crappy of a criminal. Thankfully she was!

The police officer that showed up was amazing. She was so nice and didn't make me feel like a total douche for calling 911 when nothing was *actually* stolen. Apparently, someone has been stealing from employees down the street at another mall (oh Bellevue, how you have been corrupted!), so they were happy to have the chance to get an ID on this lady. The perp ended up coming back into the mall and wandering around the parking garage (safe to say she wasn't "all there"), where she quickly admitted everything to the security guards and police when they started questioning her. Drunk and looking to steal money for rent from rich patrons of this mall. Not the best idea. Especially because the only cash I had was in Washingtons and Abes.

Such drama I would never have imagined for my evening, but at least that last hour of work was entertaining! I can laugh now because all is well, but if my bag and its contents were not with me tonight, my tune would be much different. I don't consider myself super materialistic, but as much as it sucks to have possessions stolen, it's worse that I know I would freak out so much over losing my ipod or some cash.

An interesting perspective especially as Christmas draws near at break-neck speed. Perhaps I should try to think less about those CDs I'm hoping I'll unwrap in a few hours and more about how my life is changed daily by the people I come in contact with, my union with the confusing yet loving and mystical God, and love that makes no rational sense yet exists everywhere if we just keep our eyes open.

I want a girl who uses a machete to cut through red tape

~Cake ("short skirt long jacket")

So often as a girl in the Christian church, you get told "you should be a Proverbs 31 kind of woman when you grow up." THEN a man will want you. THEN you'll be worthy. To be honest, if the Proverbs 31 woman was real, she was a pretty outstanding human being: serving family, the poor, the needy, working diligently, evincing her strength, intelligence and ingenuity daily through her actions and words.

But, does this passage do damage? Maybe not to some. Yet, to a little girl growing up moritified that her future was predestined to be filled with marriage, babies, submission and house cleaning - for that is the only useful and intended employment of the woman - this passage induced even more anxiety for me. I'm not perfect. Never have been. I argue, I change my mind a lot, I have my lazy moments, I have big dreams, I'm hairy and tall, I don't think I want kids, I like to cook and clean sometimes but certainly not daily: who's going to love that?

Books like the ever-frustrating "Lady in Waiting" told me that I had to become the princess worthy of the prince of my dreams. Worthy. There's that pesky word again. Are these books meant to make the (Christian) woman feel so crappy about herself that she seeks a man to save her from her agony and self-doubt who leads, controls and aligns with other traditional male gender roles so she can pump out babies and casseroles while never having an original opinion again because her prince of a husband takes care of the thinking and decision making for her?

I come across as a raging bitch here, when I am not intending to. I have numerous friends whose marriages are pretty darn traditional and they're happy and fulfilled. It works for some, but not all, and that's my point. If there's anything I've learned in my 20s, it's that everyone is an individual and I'm done putting people in a box (or allowing myself to be placed in one). These past few years have been unbelievably difficult yet freeing, painful yet abounding in joy, for I have confronted almost everything I used to believe through the lens of the Lord's heart for peace, justice, mercy and love. A lot of things have changed because of that, including my views and desires concerning marriage, gender and the future. It's worth the wait to find someone who jives with the person you are and want to continue to become on your life-long journey. Maybe I'll never find him, and that's okay. Forget this crap about losing hope of finding a spouse past 30 or about not being able to truly live life to its fullest as a single person. That's malarky (yes, I just said malarky) and I pray you don't buy into it. And, may I remind all of us; no one is perfect or worthy.

These thoughts were randomly conjured up in my mind tonight as Cake's ever-catchy and strange song played on my drive home from school. I was laughing, thinking, were they paraphrasing Proverbs here?

"I want a girl who gets up early,

I want a girl who stays up late.

I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity

who uses a machete to cut through red tape.

With fingernails that shine like justice

and a voice that is dark like tinted glass.

She is fast, and thorough and sharp as a tac,

she is touring the facility and picking up slac.

I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket."

Boy, would I like to know what justice shines like. I think I like this image infinitely more than Proverbs 31 - this girl has some serious edge, knows success, fights for justice and speaks her mind. At least that's what I get out of it.

Here's to having standards and not settling, knowing and loving yourself, becoming a better person for the sake of the world - not just your imagined future spouse - and moving forward with LIFE, passion and calling no matter what season you find yourself in.

more than fine

One of my TAs last year has this as her profile picture on Facebook and I just had to share:

"It was then that I sutured you"

I wonder if Thomas Kinkade has forged into new territory...

Edit: I was laughing about this with this lady's boyfriend and he made it even better by saying "not to mention Jesus' sterile technique is awful!" hilarity.

when you fell, you fell toward me

~Barcelona (please don't go)

One of my pastors played this video at church today as an example of the beauty of the vast creation on this earth. At first, I thought "what's the big deal?" (and, I have to admit, it looked a little CGI to me), even though it features my favorite song by the band Barcelona, who went to my college and graduated the same year I did (claim to fame!). But, then, remembering tonight amidst hardcore stress (and procrastination, obviously) that it was a very calm video, I thought I'd look it up on the interwebs.

Kuroshio Sea - 2nd largest aquarium tank in the world - (song is Please don't go by Barcelona) from Jon Rawlinson on Vimeo.

What I have found, after watching it a couple more times and learning more about this aquarium in Japan, is peace, amazement (in the creatures themselves, the technological feat of such a huge single sheet of acrylic glass and in how a video shot in such a manner can be so impacting), and interest in how I seem to miss out on some huge internet sensations (this video itself has been viewed almost 4 million times, and it's only been posted since July!).

Coincidentally, I've experienced the same feeling twice this week: the other was The Office wedding episode (one of the best ever, in my opinion) where they mimic the "wedding dance" video that was all the rage this summer (29 million views since July! crazy.)...which I also hadn't seen. I need to get with the program! Or maybe I don't. I keep wondering if I'm going to have to care more about pop culture when I'm a high school teacher or just forget completely trying to be "now" and just be myself - you know, the one who doesn't listen to the radio, barely watches TV and doesn't care about sports that much anymore.

As a general rule, I avoid paying money and spying on animals/sealife in forced captivity, but I have a strange desire to go to Japan now... Random factoid: this is the second largest aquarium in the world. Where is the largest? Dubai, of course, in a mega-mall: 12 million square feet and 1,200 stores. Yikes.

Whatever. Just watch the video.

Be prepared to be surprised

~Sondre Lerche "To be surprised"

I just watched Dan in Real Life for the second time tonight (thanks to Netflix and their instant movie streaming!), and I concluded I love this movie.

First, I want to be Juliet Binoche. She always plays such quality, strong, smart characters with fantastic style (one of my favorite movies is Chocolat, in which she is outstanding). Secondly, I do love Steve Carrell, and it's fun to see him in a serious role in "real life."

But, mostly, I love this movie because it's about a less-than-perfect family. Most of my favorite movies deal in some way with dysfunctional families coming together, working through tremendous shit, or just being a family in the midst of the turbulence of life. Nothing makes me want to have kids except watching movies like Dan in Real Life and The Family Stone.

I've also been stumbling upon some amazing music/musicians in movies lately. Alexi Murdoch in Away We Go, DeVotchKa in Little Miss Sunshine (to name just a few), and now Sondre Lerche and the Faces Down, a band from Norway, who did the soundtrack for this movie. Very good - Check it out!

That's it, really, I guess. Nothing too profound and/or depressing (for once!). I really appreciate the lyrics to the closing song in the movie ("Modern Nature"):

"You'll just have to wait and see: if things go right, we're meant to be!"

Now THAT would be a healthy way to view relationships!