~ "Message in a bottle" (Sting)
Something completely shocking, unexpected, disturbing and odd occurred today.
It was a morning like any other Sunday. Got up, went to church (late, per normal), sat by myself and enjoyed the scenery of Coburg (this church is outside...it's so me). During the meet and greet time, I introduced myself to several people and then listened to a cool sermon on 2 Samuel 19. After the sermon, however I had an interesting conversation with a dude that had been sitting behind me.
Dude: It was nice meeting you, Katie
Me: Yeah, nice meeting you, too!
D: Are you a student in the area?
M: Yeah, I'm in grad school at the U of O (here we go again...)
D: Oh, neat, what in?
M: Chemistry
...blah blah blah...(it continued for a minute like this)
M: Do you live around here?
D: I'm actually from Ohio, but I spend a lot of time on the road
M: Oh, nice (tries to gather things quickly and exit)
D: So, can I call you sometime?
M: Uh...um....well, I...um...guess so...(looking around awkwardly)...
D: (Whips out his BIBLE and a pen) What is it?
M: (what is going on?)
...more small talk ensues about school, et cetera...
M: Well, good talking to you
D: Are you going to the BBQ?
M: Um....no, I've got homework (THANK YOU PROFESSOR ATRE)
D: Oh, I bet! That's such a hard subect....I'll be praying for you
M: (awkward laugh) Thanks
....So, what the hell is up with that?
Dude had to be at least 35, lives in Ohio, hadn't spoken to me more than 6o seconds when he asks me for my number (the first guy to ever do that, by the way)!!!! Now, I had hoped the first guy to ask me for my number would be a nice looking man my age and someone I was remotely interested in. Rest assured this was not it. I see one of two scenarios being plausible.
1) He's a genuinely nice (too nice) single "church" guy who wants to check in on me and talk about faith, or whatever.
2) He wants my bod.
Either way, I'm in a bind. I've never been faced with this conundrum before. I thought guys didn't ask for a number unless there had been significant conversation and a mutual vibe!! How could I nicely have said no? "Why?" "Don't you live in Ohio?" "Uh, dude, I'm 22 and...well, you're not..." "Um, I just met you" The reason I didn't say any of these is mostly because I was trying not to assume he was interested.
So, now we reach the interactive portion of the day. What do I do now? All I can say is, thank Jesus for caller ID. I suppose I won't be answering any calls from numbers I don't recognize, and just hoping that my awkwardness and lack of excitement to give him my number will discourage him from calling. But, then again, he did write my number in his freaking BIBLE..I'm doomed. Someone help me.
I’m sending out an S.O.S. I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle.
8.27.2006
8.23.2006
And true love waits in haunted attics
~"True Love Waits" (Radiohead)
I have lived 22 great and full years.
22 of those I have spent single.
Most people seem extremely surprised when they find out, which I take as a compliment. Perhaps they are simply dumfounded because "everyone" dates in college. Whatever their meaning, I have to admit, I am sometimes surprised also that I've never found a guy that I like that magically likes me too. Rest assured, my good friends can tell you I've had more that fair share of interests and crushes in my lifetime, but nothing ever materializes (probably something to do with me being a total wimp).
I just graduated from a school that has a serious problem with dating. The problem is simple: no one dates. I have grouped the SPU population into general descriptors, but I'll spare you. Too many times, people come to college (especially SPU) and start "the hunt." I'll admit I did it. I thought I had paid my dues in highschool - never dating or going to a dance I was asked to. This was my chance! I wasn't looking for a husband, just someone to spend time with, know on a different level than my guy friends, and have a blast with. I had it really bad for about 3 guys throughout freshman year, which proved to cause me much unwanted stress, pain and time that I should have been spending doing more useful things. I reduced myself to harmless crushes for the next two years, and then ended college thinking a lot about a boy that was my friend and more "my type" (if that exists) than anyone I've liked before. Now, granted, I'm not sure what I'd be looking for because I have no experience, but he is a fun, adventurous, introspective, kind, active and intelligent individual...all of which I am extremely attracted to. Of course, I left Seattle without doing anything about it.
Which is a good transition into my diagnosis for the "SPU ordeal". There are several reasons for this sad lack of boldness and casual dating. 1) Girls (at SPU) think the guy needs to do all the initiating of everything (even if the guy doesn't know the girl exists!), 2) Guys think most girls want to be crazy-serious from the start and are actively persuing their "ring by spring," 3) Girls do not want to put themselves "out there" and get frustrated when guys don't ask them out, 4) Guys are more nervous/scared than girls think they are when it comes to putting themselves "out there." Thus, you have the most amazing stalemate since World War One.
It's been nice to free myself from this sickly and frustrating atmosphere, and see that, yes indeed, people in the real world DO date, and wait more than 6 months to get engaged!! Refreshing. I know I have a lot of years left to live, and I'm in no rush to "settle down" any time soon. At times throughout the past several years I have spent too much time thinking about what I could do differently to win the approval of an awesome man. This leads to much comparison to the world around me and an overkill of self-consciousness. Many people feed me the blanket phrase: "you're just so intimidating, Katie!" as if this completely explains my perpetual singlehood. Perhaps there's some truth to that. After all, I am fairly tall, like chemistry, speak my mind and enjoy a good competition.
Whatever the reasons, I have reached a point where I'm refusing to say "I give up," or "screw men," or "I'm so terrible, no one will ever love me." Rather, I realize that I am a unique, passionate person, and I want my life to be full of adventure, amazing stories, helping people, learning and laughing. I can't waste my time bemoaning my lack of significant other. Do I want to date someday, possibly even marry? Yeah. Does it have to be now? Of course not. Could I live my life and do what I feel called to do as a single woman? Absolutely.
My grandpa told me this weekend (out of the blue): "Mr. Right will come along someday, Katie." I hope someday for a man with whom I can be myself, travel, laugh constantly, philosophize and discuss books, politics, science and faith, all the while maintaining some of the independence that I love. I refuse to buy into the crap that I need to change myself in order for this to happen. What fun would love be if you couldn't be real, fart, make mistakes, stick your foot in your mouth, speak your mind or get sweaty? May we realize that running after "the elusive prize" will only lead to a less fulfilling life, wasted time, and heartache. I'll hold out for the real deal, thank you. I leave you with my favorite Radiohead song:
True Love Waits
I'll drown my beliefs
To have you be in peace
I'll dress like your niece
To wash your swollen feet
Just don't leave
Don't leave
I'm not living
I'm just killing time
Your tiny hands
Your crazy kitten smile
Just don't leave
Don't leave
And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love lives
On lollipops and crisps
Just don't leave
Don't leave
I have lived 22 great and full years.
22 of those I have spent single.
Most people seem extremely surprised when they find out, which I take as a compliment. Perhaps they are simply dumfounded because "everyone" dates in college. Whatever their meaning, I have to admit, I am sometimes surprised also that I've never found a guy that I like that magically likes me too. Rest assured, my good friends can tell you I've had more that fair share of interests and crushes in my lifetime, but nothing ever materializes (probably something to do with me being a total wimp).
I just graduated from a school that has a serious problem with dating. The problem is simple: no one dates. I have grouped the SPU population into general descriptors, but I'll spare you. Too many times, people come to college (especially SPU) and start "the hunt." I'll admit I did it. I thought I had paid my dues in highschool - never dating or going to a dance I was asked to. This was my chance! I wasn't looking for a husband, just someone to spend time with, know on a different level than my guy friends, and have a blast with. I had it really bad for about 3 guys throughout freshman year, which proved to cause me much unwanted stress, pain and time that I should have been spending doing more useful things. I reduced myself to harmless crushes for the next two years, and then ended college thinking a lot about a boy that was my friend and more "my type" (if that exists) than anyone I've liked before. Now, granted, I'm not sure what I'd be looking for because I have no experience, but he is a fun, adventurous, introspective, kind, active and intelligent individual...all of which I am extremely attracted to. Of course, I left Seattle without doing anything about it.
Which is a good transition into my diagnosis for the "SPU ordeal". There are several reasons for this sad lack of boldness and casual dating. 1) Girls (at SPU) think the guy needs to do all the initiating of everything (even if the guy doesn't know the girl exists!), 2) Guys think most girls want to be crazy-serious from the start and are actively persuing their "ring by spring," 3) Girls do not want to put themselves "out there" and get frustrated when guys don't ask them out, 4) Guys are more nervous/scared than girls think they are when it comes to putting themselves "out there." Thus, you have the most amazing stalemate since World War One.
It's been nice to free myself from this sickly and frustrating atmosphere, and see that, yes indeed, people in the real world DO date, and wait more than 6 months to get engaged!! Refreshing. I know I have a lot of years left to live, and I'm in no rush to "settle down" any time soon. At times throughout the past several years I have spent too much time thinking about what I could do differently to win the approval of an awesome man. This leads to much comparison to the world around me and an overkill of self-consciousness. Many people feed me the blanket phrase: "you're just so intimidating, Katie!" as if this completely explains my perpetual singlehood. Perhaps there's some truth to that. After all, I am fairly tall, like chemistry, speak my mind and enjoy a good competition.
Whatever the reasons, I have reached a point where I'm refusing to say "I give up," or "screw men," or "I'm so terrible, no one will ever love me." Rather, I realize that I am a unique, passionate person, and I want my life to be full of adventure, amazing stories, helping people, learning and laughing. I can't waste my time bemoaning my lack of significant other. Do I want to date someday, possibly even marry? Yeah. Does it have to be now? Of course not. Could I live my life and do what I feel called to do as a single woman? Absolutely.
My grandpa told me this weekend (out of the blue): "Mr. Right will come along someday, Katie." I hope someday for a man with whom I can be myself, travel, laugh constantly, philosophize and discuss books, politics, science and faith, all the while maintaining some of the independence that I love. I refuse to buy into the crap that I need to change myself in order for this to happen. What fun would love be if you couldn't be real, fart, make mistakes, stick your foot in your mouth, speak your mind or get sweaty? May we realize that running after "the elusive prize" will only lead to a less fulfilling life, wasted time, and heartache. I'll hold out for the real deal, thank you. I leave you with my favorite Radiohead song:
True Love Waits
I'll drown my beliefs
To have you be in peace
I'll dress like your niece
To wash your swollen feet
Just don't leave
Don't leave
I'm not living
I'm just killing time
Your tiny hands
Your crazy kitten smile
Just don't leave
Don't leave
And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love lives
On lollipops and crisps
Just don't leave
Don't leave
8.09.2006
Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell
~The Flaming Lips
The Eugene Gazette
Eugene, OR - Still severely lacking in the energy department, Katie Klug, 22 , was about to throw in the towel today after a discouraging few days in graduate school and "do something fun with her life," she said, "like waitressing, becoming a full-time traveler, or possibly just hiding at mom and dad's place for a while and starting fresh." Finding out that The Willamette Valley Company and Dynea had not offered her chemistry internships on Monday and Tuesday, respectively, when Katie thought she had done quite well in both interviews and meshed well with the former company especially, was disheartening. "I'm not too accustomed to getting turned down like this, especially when I thought I'd nailed those interviews, and my confidence has certainly seen better days," she lamented Wednesday after returning home at 6pm from her hour long commute.
Perhaps her lack of energy is not simply tiredness, but rather a vicious cocktail of lonliness, getting up at 6:30am, mild depression and laziness. "The frustration is palpable," Katie admitted, "but today almost sent me over the edge when I poured my polymer/solvent mixture into a fresh bottle of Toluene and looked like a complete douch (sic)." Katie is generally quite saavy and successful in the laboratory setting, as colleagues at Seattle Pacific University can verify, but Wednesday's events brought back frightening emotions and memories from the Great Quartz Cuvette Fiasco of Summer 2005, when she borrowed two cuvettes (between $150-200 each) from another lab at the University of Oregon, and upon returning them, set the precious package too close to the edge and watched as, to her horror, the cuvettes plummeted to the tile floor; one shattering into pieces about the size of Katie's self esteem at that moment.
Katie realizes that everyone has bad days, and is determined to get some good sleep tonight, even though this means sacrificing a bike ride. She says her plan of attack is to pray more for some serious patience, energy and job offers. She also understands and admits her need to learn how to properly use commas. Katie still has the possibility of Forrest Paint Company somewhere out there in the stratosphere, but has not yet heard back from the technical director who seemed so eager to hire her a week prior. She finds solace not only in the Lord and his everpresent nearness, but also in her favorite quote from Shakespeare in Love: "It will come out alright, it always does...It's a mystery." ~ Gu Xiao Chen
The Eugene Gazette
Eugene, OR - Still severely lacking in the energy department, Katie Klug, 22 , was about to throw in the towel today after a discouraging few days in graduate school and "do something fun with her life," she said, "like waitressing, becoming a full-time traveler, or possibly just hiding at mom and dad's place for a while and starting fresh." Finding out that The Willamette Valley Company and Dynea had not offered her chemistry internships on Monday and Tuesday, respectively, when Katie thought she had done quite well in both interviews and meshed well with the former company especially, was disheartening. "I'm not too accustomed to getting turned down like this, especially when I thought I'd nailed those interviews, and my confidence has certainly seen better days," she lamented Wednesday after returning home at 6pm from her hour long commute.
Perhaps her lack of energy is not simply tiredness, but rather a vicious cocktail of lonliness, getting up at 6:30am, mild depression and laziness. "The frustration is palpable," Katie admitted, "but today almost sent me over the edge when I poured my polymer/solvent mixture into a fresh bottle of Toluene and looked like a complete douch (sic)." Katie is generally quite saavy and successful in the laboratory setting, as colleagues at Seattle Pacific University can verify, but Wednesday's events brought back frightening emotions and memories from the Great Quartz Cuvette Fiasco of Summer 2005, when she borrowed two cuvettes (between $150-200 each) from another lab at the University of Oregon, and upon returning them, set the precious package too close to the edge and watched as, to her horror, the cuvettes plummeted to the tile floor; one shattering into pieces about the size of Katie's self esteem at that moment.
Katie realizes that everyone has bad days, and is determined to get some good sleep tonight, even though this means sacrificing a bike ride. She says her plan of attack is to pray more for some serious patience, energy and job offers. She also understands and admits her need to learn how to properly use commas. Katie still has the possibility of Forrest Paint Company somewhere out there in the stratosphere, but has not yet heard back from the technical director who seemed so eager to hire her a week prior. She finds solace not only in the Lord and his everpresent nearness, but also in her favorite quote from Shakespeare in Love: "It will come out alright, it always does...It's a mystery." ~ Gu Xiao Chen
8.04.2006
I can handle whatever I stumble upon, most of the time...
...Bob Dylan was so right.
I don't know if people have realized that all my posts are lyrics of songs yet. Maybe I should start putting the band and song at the beginning of the entry...
It's hard to put into words what has happened in the short span of 5 days. I have had some successes, many frustrations, more drama and emotion than I care for, and quite a bit of exhaustion. Though it's been hard, I can say that I am halfway finished with my summer school classes, and have more than one prospect for a great Chemistry internship.
Monday morning:
*8am. I find myself at Forrest Paint Company for my first of three job interviews this week (looking smoking hot and professional, I might add). The interview was amazingly low key, and I found out that I was the only one who was asked to interview (translation: I have the job if I want it). I have no clue WHY they singled me out, but it was flattering to say the least.
*9:15am. Just getting into the car, I feel my phone and get a call from my dad saying that my grandma slipped into a coma the night previous.
*10am. My blessed, sweet, funny Grandma Louise passes away.
*10:15am. I get to lab and am immediately overwhelmed and completely confused with our tasks.
*12:30pm. I am told about my grandma on my lunch break from lab.
...and the rest of the week stayed just about as crazy. Lab was unbelievable! We had to make 4 different polymers (2 rubbery, 2 rigid; one of each being colored) with absolutely no guidance except that we had to use at least one polyester, polystyrene, and phenol-formaldehyde resin. Basically, this sent us on a wild goose chase for 4 days armed only with plasticizers, charcoal and baking soda to try to make these things. Surprisingly, Google was not of much help. The job interviews all went well, and now I just wait to see what happens. How long, I'm not sure, but I'm not worried.
Death never comes at a convienient time, this is for sure. I am so sad that I missed out on the hugs, tears, reminiscing and laughs that come with the territory when a family member passes away. I am now grandmaless, and it's a different world for me. I have 2 wonderful grandpas whom I adore, but their wives have especially had a profound effect on my life and definitely shape much of the woman I am and am still becoming.
Grandma Irene, who died more than 5 years ago in a very strange and suprising turn of events was an absolutely amazing person. She lived a life of hardwork, selflessness, creativity and fun. Grandma beans, as my brother called her, could do anything. She kept a garden, cooked delectable dishes year-round, at every meal (oh, her rolls), knitted sweaters while watching cartoons with us, made my mom's wedding dress, and took up ceramics and oil painting later in life. She taught me the value of family, story telling (she embellished just the right amount), laughing, loving and being tough. Grandma lived through polio, cancer and was dealt more than her fair share of ailments throughout her life, but I never heard her complain. She was funny and could talk anyone's ear off (sound like me?), but also enjoyed quiet nights of bridge or allowing my grandpa to kick her butt at gin rummy. Something was always in the oven, and her family was always her first priority. Memories seem endless of my childhood with grandma beans: picking blueberries, learning to sew and knit, snapping beans and pulling carrots, listening to stories about life on the farm, helping her pin her hair in curls every night and eating endless cans of pringles.
My grandma Louise was a lady who still loved, valued and humbly served her family, but in a different manner, and thus she taught me much different things than grandma beans. She was an intellectual, an avid reader, a great cook, kept an incredibly neat house, and was passionate and headstrong. Coming from a pain and sorrow-filled childhood, there are many things about grandma I didn't know until the last few years, and I'm sure there are numerous skills and stories I never heard. She loved gardening and massacring me in Scrabble and Boggle (although I'm sure she let me win every once in a while). I learned from her that women are highly valuable, capable and intelligent - something that I am so thankful for. She never missed a chance to encourage me, and even 2 weeks ago when I saw her last, she told me how proud she was of me going to grad school and being successful. Grandma modeled strength, dignity and independence, and was intrigued by travel, natural beauty and current events. Because of her, I value and believe in myself more, know that women are of extreme worth, and realize that the world is a huge place that I can explore and discover! It was hard to see her go downhill the last 10 years while struggling with Parkinson's Disease and growing increasingly frustrated with her immobility, but we still had good family times. I am also sad that I missed our last birthday party (she was July 4th, I'm the 1st).
I figured this year while I was away would be "the year," and yes, she was definitely ready to go, as much as one can be. Thankfulness pours out of me when I realize I got to see her with my brother just 2 weeks before her passing and we had a great conversation. It's hard to be away, and I'm definitely yearning for hugs from family and friends and missing those stories and memories of grandma Louise that are said over meals. This week was a hard one, and I'm praying for rejuvination this weekend. Here's to two great grandmas - I hope I can become half the awesomeness they were and live lives of humility, fun, adventure and learning like they did!
I don't know if people have realized that all my posts are lyrics of songs yet. Maybe I should start putting the band and song at the beginning of the entry...
It's hard to put into words what has happened in the short span of 5 days. I have had some successes, many frustrations, more drama and emotion than I care for, and quite a bit of exhaustion. Though it's been hard, I can say that I am halfway finished with my summer school classes, and have more than one prospect for a great Chemistry internship.
Monday morning:
*8am. I find myself at Forrest Paint Company for my first of three job interviews this week (looking smoking hot and professional, I might add). The interview was amazingly low key, and I found out that I was the only one who was asked to interview (translation: I have the job if I want it). I have no clue WHY they singled me out, but it was flattering to say the least.
*9:15am. Just getting into the car, I feel my phone and get a call from my dad saying that my grandma slipped into a coma the night previous.
*10am. My blessed, sweet, funny Grandma Louise passes away.
*10:15am. I get to lab and am immediately overwhelmed and completely confused with our tasks.
*12:30pm. I am told about my grandma on my lunch break from lab.
...and the rest of the week stayed just about as crazy. Lab was unbelievable! We had to make 4 different polymers (2 rubbery, 2 rigid; one of each being colored) with absolutely no guidance except that we had to use at least one polyester, polystyrene, and phenol-formaldehyde resin. Basically, this sent us on a wild goose chase for 4 days armed only with plasticizers, charcoal and baking soda to try to make these things. Surprisingly, Google was not of much help. The job interviews all went well, and now I just wait to see what happens. How long, I'm not sure, but I'm not worried.
Death never comes at a convienient time, this is for sure. I am so sad that I missed out on the hugs, tears, reminiscing and laughs that come with the territory when a family member passes away. I am now grandmaless, and it's a different world for me. I have 2 wonderful grandpas whom I adore, but their wives have especially had a profound effect on my life and definitely shape much of the woman I am and am still becoming.
Grandma Irene, who died more than 5 years ago in a very strange and suprising turn of events was an absolutely amazing person. She lived a life of hardwork, selflessness, creativity and fun. Grandma beans, as my brother called her, could do anything. She kept a garden, cooked delectable dishes year-round, at every meal (oh, her rolls), knitted sweaters while watching cartoons with us, made my mom's wedding dress, and took up ceramics and oil painting later in life. She taught me the value of family, story telling (she embellished just the right amount), laughing, loving and being tough. Grandma lived through polio, cancer and was dealt more than her fair share of ailments throughout her life, but I never heard her complain. She was funny and could talk anyone's ear off (sound like me?), but also enjoyed quiet nights of bridge or allowing my grandpa to kick her butt at gin rummy. Something was always in the oven, and her family was always her first priority. Memories seem endless of my childhood with grandma beans: picking blueberries, learning to sew and knit, snapping beans and pulling carrots, listening to stories about life on the farm, helping her pin her hair in curls every night and eating endless cans of pringles.
My grandma Louise was a lady who still loved, valued and humbly served her family, but in a different manner, and thus she taught me much different things than grandma beans. She was an intellectual, an avid reader, a great cook, kept an incredibly neat house, and was passionate and headstrong. Coming from a pain and sorrow-filled childhood, there are many things about grandma I didn't know until the last few years, and I'm sure there are numerous skills and stories I never heard. She loved gardening and massacring me in Scrabble and Boggle (although I'm sure she let me win every once in a while). I learned from her that women are highly valuable, capable and intelligent - something that I am so thankful for. She never missed a chance to encourage me, and even 2 weeks ago when I saw her last, she told me how proud she was of me going to grad school and being successful. Grandma modeled strength, dignity and independence, and was intrigued by travel, natural beauty and current events. Because of her, I value and believe in myself more, know that women are of extreme worth, and realize that the world is a huge place that I can explore and discover! It was hard to see her go downhill the last 10 years while struggling with Parkinson's Disease and growing increasingly frustrated with her immobility, but we still had good family times. I am also sad that I missed our last birthday party (she was July 4th, I'm the 1st).
I figured this year while I was away would be "the year," and yes, she was definitely ready to go, as much as one can be. Thankfulness pours out of me when I realize I got to see her with my brother just 2 weeks before her passing and we had a great conversation. It's hard to be away, and I'm definitely yearning for hugs from family and friends and missing those stories and memories of grandma Louise that are said over meals. This week was a hard one, and I'm praying for rejuvination this weekend. Here's to two great grandmas - I hope I can become half the awesomeness they were and live lives of humility, fun, adventure and learning like they did!
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