there’s nothing to lose and there’s nothing to prove: i’ll be dancing with myself

~Billy Idol (“dancing with myself”) – Nouvelle Vague did a great remake of it too!


I have realized this year (probably because of the seven weddings I went to) that I absolutely love to dance. It’s freeing, stress-relieving, and overall just good for my soul.

Dancing is also very fun now that I have short hair....

Before the choppage (this is the third time i’ve been all drastic and donated):
Now I’m free as a barnswallow:
I love this haircut!! This is just the first of a bunch of changes in my life over the next few months...stay tuned.

But, I digress. Anyhow, I have concluded that I exist to get shy people on the dance floor and having fun at weddings...I even tried to get a little bump-shimmy going at Alan and Leah’s wedding, but for some reason everyone left when they heard the music starting up. Hmmm. My favorite thing is when the non-dancers of the world get up, forget their inhibitions and discover that dancing isn’t too scary after all! I offer my mother, cousin Debbie, and "Uncle Jake" dancing at my cousin Megan’s wedding not long ago (this was PRICELESS):

I went to a “young professionals” club with two friends not too long ago, and I was surprised that it wasn’t too shady (save for the couple dry humping in the corner and the really unfortunate guys who tried to dance with us and promptly got shut down by my coworkers). My two beautiful, little and exotic friends were getting hit on left and right, and the big ol’ third wheel (or fifth...both apply here) was just trying to love it, dance with myself and forget about the lack of attention from dudes. Maybe I give off the “don’t grind me” vibe...I’m pretty sure that’s a good thing, though.

Serious randomness. Just get your booty on the dance floor and make a fool of yourself. I promise you fun will be had!

“With the record selection
With the mirror reflection
I'm dancing with myself”

( )

~okay, that's actually a great album by Sigur Ros..(but it works because there are no words to describe this post)

I saw the most rediculous, saddening and infuriating thing today:

A brobdingnagian RV towing a Suburban.

I wanted to give them a citizen's citation for ruining my planet single-handedly.

Hibernation is a lonely word, so wake me up!

~Splendour Hyaline (“The Restless Slumber of Dry Kindling”)

I’m pretty sure no one reads my blog anymore, so regretting the fact that I haven’t been as witty, entertaining or humorous lately as I mean to be is probably a waste. However, my life is most enjoyable (to me) when I have funny, strange and awkward stories to tell, and it’s been a while since I’ve had a week that compared to last week. I’ve been hoping and praying for a more exciting life, and I think I got my wish in an interesting way this time.

Warmth made a very welcome cameo appearance in the form of three 70+ degree days and then came back for the weekend, which allowed me to have the most awesome run of my entire, short lived, running “career” (if you can call it that), get outside on my bike for the first time in 2 months and hike with my friend Abbey in lava fields! The run was semi-epic in that I started a tad late and finished in the pitch black...maybe that’s the motivation I need to run fast! But, it couldn’t compare to the weirdest bike ride I’ve had in recent memory...

I felt alright on the bike, but not as good as I expected given that I’ve been riding trainer and running quite a bit, so I decided to do a relatively flat ride out in the boonies of eastern Bend (complete with tons of deer, rodents, tumbleweed, horses, and one seriously smelly landfill). As I was riding past some grazing deer that ran away from me, I randomly contemplated what my course of action would be if an animal unexpectedly chased me while I was on the bike. I wish I had had some wood to knock on, because not 5 miles later, out of the blue come running some angry shepherd dogs out of a driveway with their chops aiming for my tires...or perhaps a piece of leg. It was a complete miracle that I didn’t hit one of them and totally crash, but instead I maneuvered around them at about 20 mph and they proceeded to chase me, one on each side. At this point, you can rest assured I wasn’t just going 20... As I started to break away while yelling at the dogs (do cusswords translate in “dog”?), I had pictures in my head of going down, getting ripped to shreds by the pavement, and then mercilessly by these two dogs. Thank God for adrenaline and leg muscles.

But of course, that wasn’t all. I flatted for the first time out on a ride by myself ever (I’m a lucky girl; I’ve been riding for 3.5 years) about 5 miles after that. Luckily I’m now the proud owner of CO2 cartridges, so I was back on the bike in about 15 minutes (I was impressed by that, Alan won’t be). 24 miles later, I was home safe just in time for my cousin Jimmy (who is on a 50-day long road trip across the US) to come visit for the night, which was a blast.




I started both my volunteering positions last week also, which both went quite well. I never thought I would enjoy working with Jr Highers, but MAN those kids are funny and as awkward as I still am. I, of course, have an “in” with most of them since I’m so tall, and apparently they were intrigued by that...maybe it’s the misfit mentality. More on this later, I’m sure.

The week rounded out with an accidental date (I’m not kidding), a new interest in learning how to code (followed by my first coding lesson), a crappy run on Sunday (I got sick and was forced to sling a deuce in the bushes with about 3 miles to go...nice), and then a great hike up Lava Butte the same day with Abbey.


But even so, it was a really emotionally tough week at work and in life. I can’t fully explain it, and have been convicted lately that I need to work on being more positive because I have very little to complain about. My dad was informed he’d be laid off in March (along with his whole group as their project is being moved elsewhere) from a company he has faithfully served for 18 years, which is tough but also a very good thing for him, I pray, since he needs to do something he loves for the rest of his career. In addition, I am more and more convinced every day that I met the perfect guy for me a couple months ago, and would be very excited about this if he wasn’t living in another country and I wasn’t stuck in Oregon constantly thinking about him and wanting to get to know him better. It’s rough, but I’m realizing because of this weird situation that I’m picky in the right ways, never willing to settle for anything less than him, and am fully willing to wait for him to return if it's "meant to be" (how cliche, right?). How I figure out if it's meant to be is yet to be determined...but I really hope it is.

What a wacky week!

you're barely breathing tonight

~Barcelona (Lesser Things)

What a month it has been! In the last 3 weekends, I’ve had 5 family visitors (Uncle Bob and Susan, Mom and Dad, and Jennyfern!), ramped up my running schedule, seen WAY too much snow, went clubbing for the first time (that may warrant its own post at a later date), and have gotten inspired.

I’ve been having a hard time motivating myself in several areas these last months. I have the desire to start volunteering here in Bend, get more involved with my awesome church, spend more time with friends outside of work, start running at least 4 times a week, make some long overdue phone calls to friends all around the country, and most importantly, invest more in the relationship I have with God that I’ve been putting on the backburner way too much this year. But, I don’t have enough drive to get there.

That is, until these past couple weeks. I’ve seen what my life can really be here in Bend (even though change is on the horizon) by having fun with friends, being more active and choosing to spend more time with God.

Because I’ve had so much fun and done so many things these past weeks, I got really inspired last weekend in many ways. Volunteering – I have an application in to work for an organization called Healing Reins. Church – I am going to see if there is a place for me in the youth group leadership. Friendships – I am going to continue hosting events, even if it costs me the money I’m dearly trying to save for another round of grad school and hopefully some fun travel before that. Running – I’m trying for my first 4 a week runs this week, and started it off by running 12.5 miles on Sunday!

You read that correctly. Katie- I have always hated running-Klug ran just shy of a half marathon on Sunday. I can’t believe it either. Now, this would be more impressive if I did it without stopping, but I instead saved gas by running to a birthday party and then running home. I wasn’t too happy the last 3 miles (could be those tortilla chips), but I made it...now I realize I have a lot of training left to do before November 25th. Still, it’s cool to run further than I ever have each time I increase my distance.

I’ve always been a bit of an “enviro-freak” (although I have definite room for improvement), and running 12.5 miles to save gas was a decent effort, I thought, but the Bend Fall Festival this weekend really opened my eyes to the cool things one person CAN do to help the world. Check out these two awesome vendors:

http://www.chopstickart.com/
http://www.daisyrockhats.com/

Here’s to living a great, healthy, and meaningful life and never ceasing to work on myself!

Capitalize on hot air, soar like an airplane

~Matisyahu (Fire of Heaven/Altar of Earth)

In the month of August alone, I purchased or was given 10 CDs. And I wonder why I can’t save much money!! Actually, yourmusic.com (see link at right) and itunes have made my increasing addiction to new music decently affordable, so it’s not all bad.

Now, if you know me very well, you know that I have always been musical with my love of singing, the guitar, piano and even a little-known one year stint as an accomplished 5th grade clarinetist. My brother (the real musician in the family) taught me how to play the clarinet the summer before 5th grade, so I was already rocking “Hot Cross Buns” and dropping words like “embouchure” before any of my classmates knew what instrument they wanted to attempt. The piano ended much too abruptly and my journey with self-taught guitar has been less than impressive over the last 7 years. Ah, but singing – that’s something I tried to stick with, but as my pattern would dictate, after a moderately successful high school choir experience, I only lasted a year in the SPU choir system.

In college however, I realized a new love of independent music, much to the credit of many friends and the help of the shared music network. Sadly, many SPU students have limited music selections: Third Day, Stacy Orrico, Avalon, and maybe a little Michael Buble for diversity. (insert vomit here) But, there was a group of indie-loving folks that opened my eyes to smaller labels, undiscovered bands and even some fun local groups.

Since college, I have realized my absolute passion for international music. Anything with a latin flair, and I’m a happy girl. I recently discovered a group (through the amazing outdoor concerts here in Bend) from France that hits you with equal parts latin, Yiddish, gypsy and flamenco jazziness that will blow your mind. An accordion has never rocked so hard. Les Yeux Noirs. Check them out. As you can see, I have cultivated an odd and varied taste in music over the past few years. I never thought of myself as an “art person” as some like to boast, but I can truly say that I’ve learned that music truly is an art and has the capability of speaking to me, completely altering my mood and inspiring me in many ways. I’ve needed all of those benefits dearly this last month.

So, whatever your taste – find new groups to enjoy, try some different genres, see some live shows and appreciate musicianship!
I leave you with that long list of new CDs to me:

-Splendour Hyaline (Hope, a sliver, like the moon)
-Matisyahu (Youth)
-Jonathan Lipps (Suite Apocalyptique)
-Matisyahu (Live at Stubb’s)
-The New Frontiers (EP)
-Aqualung (Strange and Beautiful)
-Miles Davis (Kind of Blue)
-Roy Orbison (Greatest Hits)
-John P Kee (Strength)
-Blue Scholars

you'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see

~Aqualung ("strange and beautiful")

I may or may not be experiencing a bout of “unrequited interest” currently...it’s kinda killing me.

Maybe it’s because I just realized I will have gone to seven weddings solo in eight months by the end of October, and several friends and family are also very close to taking “the plunge” within the next two years. This is a crazy era of my life. I have to admit, I love weddings – especially when I get to see people I haven’t talked to in years.

Last weekend was no exception: two weddings back-to-back...and yes, I managed to eat salmon and steak at both of them (now THAT’S what I call a success!) and hang out with my brother and sister in between. A busy but fantastic day. My good childhood friend, Jennifer, who I played softball with from 3rd grade through high school got married to her high school sweetheart, and being an only child, her wedding wasn’t kidding around! The wedding was at St. James Cathedral in Seattle – gorgeous. The reception was held at the Fairview Olympic Hotel (I’m told it’s the most expensive hotel in Seattle, and that’s saying a lot). Let me paint the picture for you: open bar for 250 or so people for 6 hours, unlimited wine at dinner, a fancy four-course meal, nice favors and a dance-hall dripping with roses, candles, white linens and several drunken high school friends making passes at the bridesmaids by the time dinner was over.

Essentially, this was a 5 year high school reunion for me – it included about 80% of the people I’d want to see at my actual reunion and I was so happy I had come up for it! It was unbelievably wonderful to catch up with so many friends I hadn’t spoken to for 5 years (did I mention I’m terrible at keeping in touch with people?) who had come from all over the states for Jennifer! Unfortunately, the inebriation kicked in after the dancing started and I missed out on really catching up with several people who were feeling a little too screwed up to have a normal conversation. Nevertheless, these friends astounded me! Several are in grad school, most have good jobs and have traveled and experienced neat things, and a few are already married or on their way. The level of maturity shocked me quite a bit (in a good way).

The only downer of the night? The bill for valet parking at the hotel = $24. Shit.

"I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
I've been secretly falling apart, unseen
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
I know, waiting is all you can do, Sometimes... "

But of all God’s miracles large and small, the most miraculous one of all is the one I thought could never be

~From ‘Fiddler on the Roof’

Today at church, in our continued study of the gospel of Matthew, my pastor focused in on the miracles of Christ (of which about 40 were actually documented in the Bible) and how believers can follow and respond to the Miracle Worker. Many aspects of this particular message cut me to the core. Throughout my life, I have continually struggled with the “problem of pain” as C.S. Lewis describes it – why the good suffer so often, and more than that, why we don’t see miracles today in the Holy Spirit’s presence similar to those Jesus performed during his life here on earth.

I have to admit, in my travels to do work with communities in Mexico, China and LA, I experienced God in vastly different ways than I do at “home.” I still to this day carry with me miraculous stories of safety against all odds, health when there was no good reason we shouldn’t be sick, funds and supplies appearing out of nowhere and many other experiences that were clearly not from us, but from God. However, I still struggle when attempting to compare these events to the healing of a woman by her faith when she reached out to touch Jesus’ cloak while en route to raise a 12 year old girl from the dead.

When you get down to the bare bones of miracles – Lazarus and this 12 year old girl, the woman with the hemorrhage and all the lepers and blind people Jesus healed still ultimately suffered death just as I will some day. So the miracle is not the end-all-be-all of the ministry of Christ. Of course, it’s AWESOME to imagine how quickly my faith would turn around if I saw Jesus pick a paralytic up by the hand and see him walk for the first time, and certainly the miracle of Jesus raising from the dead after being executed to cover up all the sins I commit is the pinnacle of the Christian faith. But, it isn’t the only part of the story. If you take a look at Matthew 8-9, you will see that intertwined with all the stories of healing, Jesus eats with tax collectors and sinners, challenges the Pharisees, teaches about the cost of following Him and encourages the disciples to pray for others. Jesus' ministry was focused on eternal significance, not a Band-Aid quick fix. You’ll also notice that Jesus often instructs the recipients of his physical healing power to tell no one. Now, I always thought that was strange. Jesus just did something that no one else can do, and he doesn’t want optimum props for it? What kind of man IS this?! I have heard many people explain this, and I believe the reason is that Jesus doesn’t want us to think of him as just that cool dude who makes the blind see, but rather wants us to follow him because of the spiritual healing he does in our lives, the forgiveness of sins and eternal life he can offer – and that’s the big payoff. I’m starting to see that the biggest miracle of all is the turning over of a person’s life fully to Christ, and that definitely happens in modern day!! This true love that Jesus has to offer all of us trumps even the raising of the dead. Perhaps it is too easy to see the birth of a baby, the beautiful nature all around us, compassion, kindness and health as hum-drum everyday occurrences, but I beg to differ.

I love what Philip Yancey writes on the subject:
“I readily concede that Jesus, with a few dozen healings and a handful of resurrections from the dead, did little to solve the problem of pain on this planet. That is not why he came. Nevertheless, it was in Jesus’ nature to counteract the effects of the fallen world during his time on earth....The miracles he did perform, breaking as they did the chains of sickness and death, give me a glimpse of what the world was meant to be and instill hope that one day God will right its wrongs. To put it mildly, God is no more satisfied with this earth than we are; Jesus’ miracles offer a hint of what God intends to do about it.”

This begs the question, then – what miracles have been happening in my life lately? So glad you asked...

I made it up to Mt. Bachelor park after about 18 miles of grueling climbing on my bike and didn’t die! Miracle #1.

I endured a three-day long business trip/class in Santa Barbara on Light Scattering of molecules whilst a huge forest fire raged and snowed ash down on us (so much for the beach). Miracle #2.

I am making some new friends and trying to take in as much of the beauty of Bend as I can while I live here. Miracles #3 and #4.

My perception of modern-day miracles was challenged today in such a way that I pray it will provide me the inspiration to further and deepen my identity in Christ - something I have been craving intensely. I have (thankfully) been receiving encouragement from people, experiences, long-awaited introspection, sermons and reading lately which I believe is pushing me in a new direction. Where I’m going next, I’m not sure. Timeline? No clue. But, I am realizing there’s a lot of work to do on myself in preparation for what God will hopefully drop right in my lap. May we have the drive to rejoice in the miracles and “wonders” we can see daily, but moreover I hope we realize the love of Christ and how radically that acceptance changes lives.