~Cat Stevens
It's funny, I look back on these last 5 months as the biggest slump of my life (yet). While that's sad, and mildly depressing, it's changed me. A lot. Coming to Eugene was going to be my first real chance to be away from home and I was going to go it alone successfully and adventurously, while taking the solo time to get to know myself outside of SPU and Seattle and, most importantly, to be more in tune with my God I want so badly to know better.
It started off okay. I really liked my first polymer class and July was full of fun (in comparison to the months to follow, at least), including an impromtu road trip to the Nickel Creek concert in Bend. This event prompted the beginning of this blog and the statement that I would never again live the same day twice. How idealistic of me. Well, that was a nice thought, but as fatigee, very weird health issues, lack of both friends and motivation all set in over the rest of the summer and fall, I have now realized that I'm not a fan of the "Katie" in Eugene, and I certainly live the same boring existence over and over. Well, if you consider the different knitting projects I work on and movies I watch each day, I guess they're technically not identical....but you get the picture *sigh*
I'm determined, however, to shake myself out of this apathy, and even though I just had to cut a painful check for $1800 to buy my freedom from my landlord, my impending move to Bend, Oregon after the Holidays has me hoping that sunshine (and apparently a lot of snow) are just around the corner. I really can't explain what's been wrong with me, but I can tell you I've learned quite a few things about myself recently, which I'm hoping will be worth it in the long run:
1. Being alone for long periods of time does crazy things to my psychological health and motivation in all areas
2. I really, really want to keep in touch with people
3. Cooking isn't as fun when you're eating alone
4. I have brought myself to a level of procrastination I never before thought possible (which is why I'm blogging now instead of studying for my final tomorrow)
5. While I like spontenaity, I'm finding I need a small amount of routine so that I actually DO things (especially when it comes to quiet time)
6. Living by myself would be okay for me if I had my friends in the same city
7. I miss very simple things: talks with Kellie in my room, playing UNO and Balderdash with the pals, Falconettes meetings, going to Quest church, having people over for dinner, and seeing my family
8. I get very weird ideas/thoughts when I'm alone with my thoughts
9. TV is a drug
10. I'm finally officially sick of school (for now)
11. I actually am capable of crying occasionally (I was beginning to wonder!)
However, there is a silver lining. I have picked up some new hobbies (other than being a total bed-potatoe) and bettered myself at others, and this has been my reason for living. I absolutely love racquetball now, I'm getting pretty good at knitting and making jewlery, and I've got surprising potential in Tai Chi, which I plan to continue with in Bend. I have found that the only time I can consistently feel great is after a Tai Chi class. I also am building my tolerance to spicy/hot foods, and have come a long way. Oh, that and The Office is the single greatest TV show ever.
In addition, as I said above, I am much easier to please now. I still love being outdoors and doing activities, but as long as there are people around, I'm officially good. That's why the last couple of weeks have been a bit of a deviation from the mean. I've made two good friends in Eugene, and we hang out, knit, watch The Office and cook fabulous meals, which has been wonderful. November is always the best because it houses my all-time favorite holiday which was great this year because it included both sides of my family, Kellie, and my cousin Megan's boyfriend who just arrived from Burkina Faso (West Africa). It was also wild because I skipped TWO classes to come home a day early (my first time skipping ever!). This year was a little more crazy because my cousin Chris finally proposed to his awesome girlfriend Jenny, and my brother made it official with his new girlfriend all in the week prior to Thanksgiving. Cap it off with some good time with friends from SPU, a freak Seattle snow storm, and two of the best desserts I've ever made, and I had the ingredients for a great week at home!
So you see, I will live. I have less than a week in this city and then I get to go home! Life isn't always perfect, but mine has been pretty amazing up until this latest experience. I really can't complain.
12.04.2006
11.09.2006
This where we used to live
~Barenaked Ladies (Old Apartment)
Awoken at 4:31am Sunday morning by the fire blazing inside the dumpster across from my apartment (and the firetruck about 10 yards from my window), I layed back on my pillow and thought...I can't wait to move to Bend. Waking up twice to fires, once to a bum urinating in my alley and countless times to profanity being shouted by passersby, I'm ready to not live in apartment #205.
Now, granted, I was the one who told everyone how neat Eugene is before I moved. I'm not recanting that statement, but coupled with having about 5 friends and living in the middle of downtown, I'm getting tired of being alone and I'm ready for something new (after 5 months...ha!).
That said, I've compiled a list of things to look for in your upcoming apartment hunt, should you find yourself there.
1) Look for an apartment building not manufactured in 1927. Sure, everyone thinks old is "cute"...until they live there.
2) Similarly, look for an apartment new enough that there are double-paned windows and screens so that you don't freeze to death in the winter and get all sorts of dirt on your floors from the neighboring gravel parking lot when your windows are open.
3) Find a place NOT on an alley in a semi-shady area of the downtown district (especially when bums run rampant in your city). This could lead to all sorts of bathroom, drinking, ranting and tagging sounds at all hours of the day and night.
4) When looking at neighborhoods, try NOT to choose an area directly in between the hospital and the firestation, both being 2 blocks from you.
5) Find a place with a bathtub that drains and a toilet that is far enough from the tub that you don't have to sit side-saddle to sling a deuce.
6) Non-creaking and somewhat insulated hardwood floors would be a plus.
7) Electrical outlets in the bathroom could be handy at times.
8) Being within eyeshot of the chain-smoking "hairdressers" and skater teeny-boppers in the parking lot isn't the best.
9) More than 2 square feet of counter space might be useful.
10) Don't live on "High Street". You'll hear no end of it from your family.
11) Find a landlord that doesn't strip you of everything but your milk money for rent, and then stab you repeatdely in the ribs when you break the lease early.
Not exhaustive, but a good start for you, I'd say. In a related story, I think I just found a roommate in Bend on craigslist today! She sounds great, and the place is a sweet duplex very close to my job...so far, so good. More to come...
Awoken at 4:31am Sunday morning by the fire blazing inside the dumpster across from my apartment (and the firetruck about 10 yards from my window), I layed back on my pillow and thought...I can't wait to move to Bend. Waking up twice to fires, once to a bum urinating in my alley and countless times to profanity being shouted by passersby, I'm ready to not live in apartment #205.
Now, granted, I was the one who told everyone how neat Eugene is before I moved. I'm not recanting that statement, but coupled with having about 5 friends and living in the middle of downtown, I'm getting tired of being alone and I'm ready for something new (after 5 months...ha!).
That said, I've compiled a list of things to look for in your upcoming apartment hunt, should you find yourself there.
1) Look for an apartment building not manufactured in 1927. Sure, everyone thinks old is "cute"...until they live there.
2) Similarly, look for an apartment new enough that there are double-paned windows and screens so that you don't freeze to death in the winter and get all sorts of dirt on your floors from the neighboring gravel parking lot when your windows are open.
3) Find a place NOT on an alley in a semi-shady area of the downtown district (especially when bums run rampant in your city). This could lead to all sorts of bathroom, drinking, ranting and tagging sounds at all hours of the day and night.
4) When looking at neighborhoods, try NOT to choose an area directly in between the hospital and the firestation, both being 2 blocks from you.
5) Find a place with a bathtub that drains and a toilet that is far enough from the tub that you don't have to sit side-saddle to sling a deuce.
6) Non-creaking and somewhat insulated hardwood floors would be a plus.
7) Electrical outlets in the bathroom could be handy at times.
8) Being within eyeshot of the chain-smoking "hairdressers" and skater teeny-boppers in the parking lot isn't the best.
9) More than 2 square feet of counter space might be useful.
10) Don't live on "High Street". You'll hear no end of it from your family.
11) Find a landlord that doesn't strip you of everything but your milk money for rent, and then stab you repeatdely in the ribs when you break the lease early.
Not exhaustive, but a good start for you, I'd say. In a related story, I think I just found a roommate in Bend on craigslist today! She sounds great, and the place is a sweet duplex very close to my job...so far, so good. More to come...
11.03.2006
your palms are sweaty and i'm barely listening
~The Postal Service ("The District Sleeps Alone Tonight")
There's nothing like a good ass-kicking by three tiny, perky aerobics instructors to make you re-evaluate your level of fitness. This week was fitness week at U of O, and in addition to my Friday racquetball date with my friend Bevin, she made me do the pushup challenge and the free "stretch and flex" aerobics class.
We started with pushups in the weight room, in front of many boys who are much stronger than me. The previous day's winner for modified pushups (I know, I'm lame) had done 24. Psh, I can beat that by a LONG shot, I thought. 33 pushups later my arms were shaking around like the torso of an overweight belly dancer. Bevin did 50....and she's been sick. Racquetball was fun, but the whole time, there was this dark cloud of doubt over me...am I going to eat shit at this aerobics class and look like a complete imbecile?
The first of the 2o minute segments was okay for me. Lunges, balance work (which I'm much better at now that I do Tai Chi, I must say) and some others to beef up my already disproportionate Klug thunder thighs. Ah, but the second girl must have seen me and whispered to her fellow instructors: amazon girl in the back? I'm going to break her....real good.
Most of the stuff we did I'd seen before in my exponentially increasing workout video library. Mostly pilates moves, but the pace and intensity was a bit faster. Of course, my arms are still feeling the pain from the little contest earlier in the afternoon, which didn't help. My abs were feeling it, but I was holding serve until....dun dun dun...the isometric work. I'm always amazed that holding still is so much harder than doing situps or lunges or cardio. Ever heard of the plank? You basically hold yourself still in a pushup-mode, except your elbows are on the ground. I do this from time to time, but the instructor had us do this once, let us rest, and then killed me by making us lift one leg up at a time. Ouch. Okay, too many details. But, by this time, I'm completely sweated through my shirt, dripping from the forehead, and of course slipping around on my mat like a grape evading chopsticks, which made staying still very difficult.
Thank God for the stretch lady...that I can do. Overall, a fun workout extravaganza, but sheesh! I thought I was in pretty good shape and could hold my own in pilates-type classes. Nice try. I guess almost 4 solid years of working out doesn't mean you can do every move anyone throws at you the first time. In fact, I bet there are a ton of performance athletes that would suffer at the hands of many a pilates instructor. It really reinforced to me also that exercising with others is not only more fun, but is much more motivating. It's even strangely fun to listen to all the disco/techno remixes of popular Maroon 5, Ricky Martin and 98 degrees songs pumped up and sped up to keep with the pace of the class. Classic line of the day: "it hurts so good" (my brother says that too).
I think I may start doing pushups every night so that I never embarrass myself that badly again.
There's nothing like a good ass-kicking by three tiny, perky aerobics instructors to make you re-evaluate your level of fitness. This week was fitness week at U of O, and in addition to my Friday racquetball date with my friend Bevin, she made me do the pushup challenge and the free "stretch and flex" aerobics class.
We started with pushups in the weight room, in front of many boys who are much stronger than me. The previous day's winner for modified pushups (I know, I'm lame) had done 24. Psh, I can beat that by a LONG shot, I thought. 33 pushups later my arms were shaking around like the torso of an overweight belly dancer. Bevin did 50....and she's been sick. Racquetball was fun, but the whole time, there was this dark cloud of doubt over me...am I going to eat shit at this aerobics class and look like a complete imbecile?
The first of the 2o minute segments was okay for me. Lunges, balance work (which I'm much better at now that I do Tai Chi, I must say) and some others to beef up my already disproportionate Klug thunder thighs. Ah, but the second girl must have seen me and whispered to her fellow instructors: amazon girl in the back? I'm going to break her....real good.
Most of the stuff we did I'd seen before in my exponentially increasing workout video library. Mostly pilates moves, but the pace and intensity was a bit faster. Of course, my arms are still feeling the pain from the little contest earlier in the afternoon, which didn't help. My abs were feeling it, but I was holding serve until....dun dun dun...the isometric work. I'm always amazed that holding still is so much harder than doing situps or lunges or cardio. Ever heard of the plank? You basically hold yourself still in a pushup-mode, except your elbows are on the ground. I do this from time to time, but the instructor had us do this once, let us rest, and then killed me by making us lift one leg up at a time. Ouch. Okay, too many details. But, by this time, I'm completely sweated through my shirt, dripping from the forehead, and of course slipping around on my mat like a grape evading chopsticks, which made staying still very difficult.
Thank God for the stretch lady...that I can do. Overall, a fun workout extravaganza, but sheesh! I thought I was in pretty good shape and could hold my own in pilates-type classes. Nice try. I guess almost 4 solid years of working out doesn't mean you can do every move anyone throws at you the first time. In fact, I bet there are a ton of performance athletes that would suffer at the hands of many a pilates instructor. It really reinforced to me also that exercising with others is not only more fun, but is much more motivating. It's even strangely fun to listen to all the disco/techno remixes of popular Maroon 5, Ricky Martin and 98 degrees songs pumped up and sped up to keep with the pace of the class. Classic line of the day: "it hurts so good" (my brother says that too).
I think I may start doing pushups every night so that I never embarrass myself that badly again.
10.23.2006
I'm nerdy in the extreme, I'm whiter than sour cream
~Weird Al (White &Nerdy)
Since I seem to have a tendency at this point in my journey to be depressing, I thought it time to share some of the more simple joys in my life with you (at least those that can be linked).
1) Weird Al finally made it to the top ten. Check out the new video from whence my title came. This man is a genius.
2) Few things or people make me laugh more than Conan O'Brien. It's a shame I'm an old foage and can't stay up that late anymore. My all-time favorite Conan clip. It's worth the 7 minutes, I assure you.
3) This cute and hysterical ad never quite made it to television, but was brought to my attention by my fabulous cousin, Chris. Prepare to wet yourself laughing.
Why am I in such a good mood? I had a fabulous day yesterday. Fall still is resisting here in Eugene, and it was beautiful and 70 yesterday with the perfect chill in the air. I went to early service at church, went on a spectacular bike ride, and then had a wonderful 4 hour meal with my second parents, John and Mariley. They were coming through Eugene on their way home to Seattle, and stopped to see me. It's strange how a simple gesture like that made my week, even my month. I love these people, and we talked forever about pretty much everything under the sun. Among the topics of discussion was our decision that the Super Bowl should be a best of 3 tournament....3 days in a row. Let's see what they're REALLY made of. In addition, all the first string would be exhausted and injured, so everyone would see some PT (playing time). A spectacular start to the week, and next weekend promises to be fun as well. Enjoy the links!
Since I seem to have a tendency at this point in my journey to be depressing, I thought it time to share some of the more simple joys in my life with you (at least those that can be linked).
1) Weird Al finally made it to the top ten. Check out the new video from whence my title came. This man is a genius.
2) Few things or people make me laugh more than Conan O'Brien. It's a shame I'm an old foage and can't stay up that late anymore. My all-time favorite Conan clip. It's worth the 7 minutes, I assure you.
3) This cute and hysterical ad never quite made it to television, but was brought to my attention by my fabulous cousin, Chris. Prepare to wet yourself laughing.
Why am I in such a good mood? I had a fabulous day yesterday. Fall still is resisting here in Eugene, and it was beautiful and 70 yesterday with the perfect chill in the air. I went to early service at church, went on a spectacular bike ride, and then had a wonderful 4 hour meal with my second parents, John and Mariley. They were coming through Eugene on their way home to Seattle, and stopped to see me. It's strange how a simple gesture like that made my week, even my month. I love these people, and we talked forever about pretty much everything under the sun. Among the topics of discussion was our decision that the Super Bowl should be a best of 3 tournament....3 days in a row. Let's see what they're REALLY made of. In addition, all the first string would be exhausted and injured, so everyone would see some PT (playing time). A spectacular start to the week, and next weekend promises to be fun as well. Enjoy the links!
10.19.2006
He was showing his love, and that's how he hurt his hands
~Nickel Creek (The Hand Song)
Every day on my way to campus and back, I walk past a whole host of characters, some the same, some just once. The University of Oregon is quite committed to free speech and rights of all kinds, so pretty much anyone can give out flyers and talk to you about issues, which is great. Unfortunately, sometimes I just don't want to talk, so I've learned (along with the other 18,000 students) to avert eye contact, and occasionally fake a phone call. Gone are the days of SPU where I knew everyone at the booths, and walked to class with my head up, talking and smiling at everyone.
Let me introduce you to two of the regulars on the U of O campus. His name is FROG. The whole city knows him. He frequents the Saturday market, and every day I have attended the U, is waiting on 13th street by the bike shop with his shorts and waist-length white beard asking people: "have you seen the funniest joke book ever known to man?" I always say "no thanks," but according to one friend, he is homeless and is selling the books for three bucks apiece. Now, in a lot of ways, I have to give Frog props for actually being creative and trying to earn an income. But, I'm so sick of hearing his little phrase, so I usually walk down the other side of the street.
There are two older men who spend every day at the entrance to campus (not far from Frog). They, too, are well known in the city and can be seen most Saturdays at the market. These men have a different agenda, however. That is to bring the entire city of Eugene to God by holding a sign that says "JESUS LOVES YOU :)" They just sit there, and have a friend or two that comes to greet them every now and again. My favorite is an older guy who rides on campus every day with knee-length yellow socks and his whole bike outfit...today, he had his helmet covered in yellow plastic because it was raining. Every day I walk by them, and every day I wish they would realize that for 99% of these college students (or more), they aren't making a twit of difference. As a believer in Christ, I hate to be so cynical. But, the fact is that I've learned you can tell people about God and that he loves them, but until they experience something completely different, are forced to face their imperfections (dare I say sins?), or see Christians acting in a loving, merciful and contrary manner to the world in general, no one will get through. One day, these men must have been feeling a little more lucky, and were shouting a sermon-like tirade about hell and the eternal separation for God-haters. Wonderful, I thought, now whoever might have given them an audience thinks they are myopic, judgmental freaks. I have made my share of awful, judgmental and hurtful remarks throughout my growing up years, that I thought were for the good of the gospel, only to fear I might have turned people away. People need to be shown love, care and acceptance by Christians on behalf of the Christ they desire to follow...not have a sign pushed in their face and phrases about the damnation of hell rammed down their throats.
That is why today was especially interesting, and equally saddening. The men were out again with their signs, but this time, were opposed only a yard of two away by some guys holding a sign that read: "DENY JESUS: religion incites hatred and starts wars." My first reaction was to feel hurt by this comment, and also to chuckle at how this stalemate of signs began. Do the two parties talk to one another, or just stare in blind hatred?
Over the last hour or so since I returned to my apartment, I've really been mulling this all over. First, of course, the men with the DENY JESUS sign failed to realize that Jesus is not the head of every religion, and it would be ludicrous to say that Christianity is the only religion whose people make frequent mistakes and violent moves. But even so, saying that religion is what causes hatred and war in the world sets me aback. Certainly, people of so called "faith" throughout the history of the world have been at the helm of atrocious and scarring acts that do nothing but make people question what kind of god they serve. The Christian Crusades and Islamic "holy wars" still baffle me every day. Conversely, as you know, there do exist religions and Christian denominations which do little but preach pacifism and mercy. So, my main reaction to the sign is this:
We are all hopelessly fucked up. That's the simple truth. Religion or no, each person is unbelievably fallible whether they like to admit it or not. There certainly are those who use and have used their religion to justify acts of hatred, violence and intolerance. However, more often than not, I have learned that the wars, terrorist acts, violence and hatred that seems to come from people following a certain deity truly come from the inside of the flawed human being who is so overcome with their own wellbeing, opinion and oftentimes national pride that they have lost sight completely of what their "religion" professes and encourages. It is not Christians fighting with Islamic people in the middle east, it is Americans looking out for number one in a region they desire to exploit and control. If I may be so bold (and I may, it's my blog afterall), I would wager that even if every single breathing human on this earth were "Christians" as the majority of Christians live today, we'd have equal amounts of wars, violence, lies, betrayal and hatred worldwide. Why? We're all messed up and even as a "Christian" nation, there is so much to be learned about the Jesus who was killed for you and me, who hung out with the prostitutes and thieves, and who wanted his followers to show love in everyday settings to all people; being different, but never using their affiliations to put down, judge or hurt another who is loved by God.
I've been reading the Gospels lately, and just read this last night, which sums up my claim:
"[Jesus said] 'What comes out of a man is what makes him unclean. For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.'" - Mark 7:20-23
Stop putting the wars and violence we see every day on "religions." Have some balls and realize it is the fault of the people that are taking life from their fellow humans.
Every day on my way to campus and back, I walk past a whole host of characters, some the same, some just once. The University of Oregon is quite committed to free speech and rights of all kinds, so pretty much anyone can give out flyers and talk to you about issues, which is great. Unfortunately, sometimes I just don't want to talk, so I've learned (along with the other 18,000 students) to avert eye contact, and occasionally fake a phone call. Gone are the days of SPU where I knew everyone at the booths, and walked to class with my head up, talking and smiling at everyone.
Let me introduce you to two of the regulars on the U of O campus. His name is FROG. The whole city knows him. He frequents the Saturday market, and every day I have attended the U, is waiting on 13th street by the bike shop with his shorts and waist-length white beard asking people: "have you seen the funniest joke book ever known to man?" I always say "no thanks," but according to one friend, he is homeless and is selling the books for three bucks apiece. Now, in a lot of ways, I have to give Frog props for actually being creative and trying to earn an income. But, I'm so sick of hearing his little phrase, so I usually walk down the other side of the street.
There are two older men who spend every day at the entrance to campus (not far from Frog). They, too, are well known in the city and can be seen most Saturdays at the market. These men have a different agenda, however. That is to bring the entire city of Eugene to God by holding a sign that says "JESUS LOVES YOU :)" They just sit there, and have a friend or two that comes to greet them every now and again. My favorite is an older guy who rides on campus every day with knee-length yellow socks and his whole bike outfit...today, he had his helmet covered in yellow plastic because it was raining. Every day I walk by them, and every day I wish they would realize that for 99% of these college students (or more), they aren't making a twit of difference. As a believer in Christ, I hate to be so cynical. But, the fact is that I've learned you can tell people about God and that he loves them, but until they experience something completely different, are forced to face their imperfections (dare I say sins?), or see Christians acting in a loving, merciful and contrary manner to the world in general, no one will get through. One day, these men must have been feeling a little more lucky, and were shouting a sermon-like tirade about hell and the eternal separation for God-haters. Wonderful, I thought, now whoever might have given them an audience thinks they are myopic, judgmental freaks. I have made my share of awful, judgmental and hurtful remarks throughout my growing up years, that I thought were for the good of the gospel, only to fear I might have turned people away. People need to be shown love, care and acceptance by Christians on behalf of the Christ they desire to follow...not have a sign pushed in their face and phrases about the damnation of hell rammed down their throats.
That is why today was especially interesting, and equally saddening. The men were out again with their signs, but this time, were opposed only a yard of two away by some guys holding a sign that read: "DENY JESUS: religion incites hatred and starts wars." My first reaction was to feel hurt by this comment, and also to chuckle at how this stalemate of signs began. Do the two parties talk to one another, or just stare in blind hatred?
Over the last hour or so since I returned to my apartment, I've really been mulling this all over. First, of course, the men with the DENY JESUS sign failed to realize that Jesus is not the head of every religion, and it would be ludicrous to say that Christianity is the only religion whose people make frequent mistakes and violent moves. But even so, saying that religion is what causes hatred and war in the world sets me aback. Certainly, people of so called "faith" throughout the history of the world have been at the helm of atrocious and scarring acts that do nothing but make people question what kind of god they serve. The Christian Crusades and Islamic "holy wars" still baffle me every day. Conversely, as you know, there do exist religions and Christian denominations which do little but preach pacifism and mercy. So, my main reaction to the sign is this:
We are all hopelessly fucked up. That's the simple truth. Religion or no, each person is unbelievably fallible whether they like to admit it or not. There certainly are those who use and have used their religion to justify acts of hatred, violence and intolerance. However, more often than not, I have learned that the wars, terrorist acts, violence and hatred that seems to come from people following a certain deity truly come from the inside of the flawed human being who is so overcome with their own wellbeing, opinion and oftentimes national pride that they have lost sight completely of what their "religion" professes and encourages. It is not Christians fighting with Islamic people in the middle east, it is Americans looking out for number one in a region they desire to exploit and control. If I may be so bold (and I may, it's my blog afterall), I would wager that even if every single breathing human on this earth were "Christians" as the majority of Christians live today, we'd have equal amounts of wars, violence, lies, betrayal and hatred worldwide. Why? We're all messed up and even as a "Christian" nation, there is so much to be learned about the Jesus who was killed for you and me, who hung out with the prostitutes and thieves, and who wanted his followers to show love in everyday settings to all people; being different, but never using their affiliations to put down, judge or hurt another who is loved by God.
I've been reading the Gospels lately, and just read this last night, which sums up my claim:
"[Jesus said] 'What comes out of a man is what makes him unclean. For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.'" - Mark 7:20-23
Stop putting the wars and violence we see every day on "religions." Have some balls and realize it is the fault of the people that are taking life from their fellow humans.
10.10.2006
a little toooooo ironic...yes I really do think
~the most annoying song ever
(and, for completeness, my best friend Carrie says that nothing in that song is ironic, in the literary definition of the word)
I've been worrying lately that I have misused the word "irony" all my life. So, I looked it up tonight to set myself straight:
Irony - noun
1. the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning: the irony of her reply, “How nice!” when I said I had to work all weekend.
2. an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.
The latter is what I usually mean when I say it. I think I use "ironic" in the rightful place of "coincidental" oftentimes as well. So, never fear, English majors!! I am not butchering the language as badly as I could have. Although, commas always get me and always will. Nothing I can do about that.
Therefore, it is quite coincidental (and perhaps also ironic) that the two baseball teams I am a closet fan of could (hopefully) meet in the world series. I guess it's true, now that I'm away from Seattle, that I can like any team I want. But, I still have a place in my heart for Edgar and those Mariners. Hopefully they'll stop sucking really soon. But, I digress. So, these two teams, you might be wondering, are the Oakland A's and the St. Louis Cardinals. Now, I have been an A's fan for sometime, and more recently have become a Cardinals fan. There is a reason for this, and his name is Mark Mulder. I know, I know, I'm lame. But, he's a great pitcher (uh, when he's healthy) and quite handsome, I'm not going to lie.
I first eyed him back in the 2000 playoffs, and quickly backstabbed my hometown AL West team for their arch-rival. Of course, I still rooted for the Mariners in games where the two met. Actually, after the initial crush, I started to realize that the team is quite amazing. What they have done with a small payroll is nothing short of astounding. If you're interested, I suggest you read "Moneyball" (I own it, and it ROCKS). So, when Mark was dished to St. Louis, mostly because I don't have any National League allegances, I decided to follow them a bit. Low and behold (ironically) they are a darn good team (we'll let it slide that they almost blew the biggest division lead in history this year)! Too bad Mulder keeps getting injured and can't pitch in the playoffs this year.
So there we have it. Irony abounds, as I love saying. Especially because I now have a TV that gets 3 channels (hand-me-down), which is great for watching LOST and The Office, but of course, I don't get FOX, so I can't watch any of the series. Perhaps I'll need to take to bars for the sake of baseball. The A's lost their fist ALCS game tonight, and the Cardinals play tomorrow. Do it for Mulder!
**In other news, for you who don't care about baseball: the creepy old guy from Ohio that hit on me at church (see my post"Sending out an SOS") called me last Sunday. Didn't answer, and as such, have the funniest, weirdest message EVER. I was going to post the entirety of the text, but I thought that might be slightly mean. Thank God for caller ID.
(and, for completeness, my best friend Carrie says that nothing in that song is ironic, in the literary definition of the word)
I've been worrying lately that I have misused the word "irony" all my life. So, I looked it up tonight to set myself straight:
Irony - noun
1. the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning: the irony of her reply, “How nice!” when I said I had to work all weekend.
2. an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.
The latter is what I usually mean when I say it. I think I use "ironic" in the rightful place of "coincidental" oftentimes as well. So, never fear, English majors!! I am not butchering the language as badly as I could have. Although, commas always get me and always will. Nothing I can do about that.
Therefore, it is quite coincidental (and perhaps also ironic) that the two baseball teams I am a closet fan of could (hopefully) meet in the world series. I guess it's true, now that I'm away from Seattle, that I can like any team I want. But, I still have a place in my heart for Edgar and those Mariners. Hopefully they'll stop sucking really soon. But, I digress. So, these two teams, you might be wondering, are the Oakland A's and the St. Louis Cardinals. Now, I have been an A's fan for sometime, and more recently have become a Cardinals fan. There is a reason for this, and his name is Mark Mulder. I know, I know, I'm lame. But, he's a great pitcher (uh, when he's healthy) and quite handsome, I'm not going to lie.
I first eyed him back in the 2000 playoffs, and quickly backstabbed my hometown AL West team for their arch-rival. Of course, I still rooted for the Mariners in games where the two met. Actually, after the initial crush, I started to realize that the team is quite amazing. What they have done with a small payroll is nothing short of astounding. If you're interested, I suggest you read "Moneyball" (I own it, and it ROCKS). So, when Mark was dished to St. Louis, mostly because I don't have any National League allegances, I decided to follow them a bit. Low and behold (ironically) they are a darn good team (we'll let it slide that they almost blew the biggest division lead in history this year)! Too bad Mulder keeps getting injured and can't pitch in the playoffs this year.So there we have it. Irony abounds, as I love saying. Especially because I now have a TV that gets 3 channels (hand-me-down), which is great for watching LOST and The Office, but of course, I don't get FOX, so I can't watch any of the series. Perhaps I'll need to take to bars for the sake of baseball. The A's lost their fist ALCS game tonight, and the Cardinals play tomorrow. Do it for Mulder!
**In other news, for you who don't care about baseball: the creepy old guy from Ohio that hit on me at church (see my post"Sending out an SOS") called me last Sunday. Didn't answer, and as such, have the funniest, weirdest message EVER. I was going to post the entirety of the text, but I thought that might be slightly mean. Thank God for caller ID.
10.06.2006
This strange plan in random at best
~Built to Spill ("Strange")
What an odd year it has been. My senior year at SPU was a rollercoaster of really awesome and happy times and a couple not so happy ones. It was, however, my favorite year of college, mostly because I finally learned to strike a balance between working hard and playing hard, instead of just forgetting the latter. There was, however, this tiny little issue of what to do after college that every senior avoids like the plague. Being completely in denial that my undergraduate career was almost over, I decided not to think about it. I find that often, when I let go of my control of every little detail that things turn out well, so that was my semi-unconscious decision.
Fast-forward to late February, when the deadlines for Seattle U's MIT program was the following week and U of O's polymer program was two weeks away. On quite a whim, I went for the polymer program because I figured I'd be done in a year and I thought it would be cool to learn some new chemistry. I packed my bags two weeks after graduation, having absolutely NO clue what would transpire in the following 12 months, but confident that "everything would come out alright" as it always does. I found a place to live quickly (too quickly, in retrospect), started classes and immediately starting wondering if I'd made the right choice.
Things definitely have not gone how I thought and hoped thus far. I'm growing increasingly annoyed with where I live, I'm really lacking in motivation (although this week I've made huge steps in the right direction), I didn't get an internship in Eugene, I'm taking a Biochem class and I made a slightly silly financial "investment" (we'll call it) to get myself a job, which hasn't materialized yet, and I feel alone when I walk through crowds of students every day.
This sounds depressing, and at times, I admit, it is (although I find some of the above hysterical). As far as I can tell, I am a happy person who tries to stay positive, yet realistic. Yet, these last few months have tested me in ways I wasn't anticipating. However, I have hope that things will start to look up.
What I'm realizing is this: I need love. Not romantic love, but love from friends and family that says we'll get through this, I'm here for you and care about you. I don't just need people. There are plenty of people in Eugene, but I still feel alone because I don't have connection with most of them. I have found a really cool church, but because I'm leaving so soon I feel like it's not worth getting really involved. Why am I leaving, you ask? Well, I finally recieved an internship offer in Bend with a pharmaceutical company starting in January, which is exciting but quite scary! I definitely got shafted in the pay department, but what I'm most scared of is being by myself again. The people at the job seem great (and young!), but who knows what will happen?
So, what's the lesson from all this rambling? Maybe nothing. But, I guess I'm realizing that I don't want to spend life on the sidelines. I want to experience things with friends, learn new hobbies and enjoy life, but there is the reality that right now I'm away from the comfort zone I became all too familiar with, and that comes with a price. But, a good price. I'm learning a lot about myself, and this week began to really read the Bible and exercise daily for the first time in WAY too long. It could be the placebo effect, but I feel a lot better this week than I have in months. God has a great way of standing with me silently, waiting for me to choose to seek him, and whenever I do, he finds some way to bless me. Hopefully these new, unexpected changes that will take place in a few months will continue me on the path to self-discovery and maturity, and the realization that one bad day, week, or month shouldn't send me into a tailspin. I just have to look ahead with a excitement and a positive attitude and pray that I can makes wise choices as they arise, without regrets. I've also made a list of things I want to do, and intend to start crossing things off soon.
Because I'm into Built to Spill right now, here's another song I find fitting:
haven't had a half a hand in half of what i am
haven't heard of half the things that happened in the past
haven't givin half the time to half the people
and half the things i planned
you don't have to be so cruel, cause all i do is a little less than what i can
happiness'll only happen when it can
~Happiness
What an odd year it has been. My senior year at SPU was a rollercoaster of really awesome and happy times and a couple not so happy ones. It was, however, my favorite year of college, mostly because I finally learned to strike a balance between working hard and playing hard, instead of just forgetting the latter. There was, however, this tiny little issue of what to do after college that every senior avoids like the plague. Being completely in denial that my undergraduate career was almost over, I decided not to think about it. I find that often, when I let go of my control of every little detail that things turn out well, so that was my semi-unconscious decision.
Fast-forward to late February, when the deadlines for Seattle U's MIT program was the following week and U of O's polymer program was two weeks away. On quite a whim, I went for the polymer program because I figured I'd be done in a year and I thought it would be cool to learn some new chemistry. I packed my bags two weeks after graduation, having absolutely NO clue what would transpire in the following 12 months, but confident that "everything would come out alright" as it always does. I found a place to live quickly (too quickly, in retrospect), started classes and immediately starting wondering if I'd made the right choice.
Things definitely have not gone how I thought and hoped thus far. I'm growing increasingly annoyed with where I live, I'm really lacking in motivation (although this week I've made huge steps in the right direction), I didn't get an internship in Eugene, I'm taking a Biochem class and I made a slightly silly financial "investment" (we'll call it) to get myself a job, which hasn't materialized yet, and I feel alone when I walk through crowds of students every day.
This sounds depressing, and at times, I admit, it is (although I find some of the above hysterical). As far as I can tell, I am a happy person who tries to stay positive, yet realistic. Yet, these last few months have tested me in ways I wasn't anticipating. However, I have hope that things will start to look up.
What I'm realizing is this: I need love. Not romantic love, but love from friends and family that says we'll get through this, I'm here for you and care about you. I don't just need people. There are plenty of people in Eugene, but I still feel alone because I don't have connection with most of them. I have found a really cool church, but because I'm leaving so soon I feel like it's not worth getting really involved. Why am I leaving, you ask? Well, I finally recieved an internship offer in Bend with a pharmaceutical company starting in January, which is exciting but quite scary! I definitely got shafted in the pay department, but what I'm most scared of is being by myself again. The people at the job seem great (and young!), but who knows what will happen?
So, what's the lesson from all this rambling? Maybe nothing. But, I guess I'm realizing that I don't want to spend life on the sidelines. I want to experience things with friends, learn new hobbies and enjoy life, but there is the reality that right now I'm away from the comfort zone I became all too familiar with, and that comes with a price. But, a good price. I'm learning a lot about myself, and this week began to really read the Bible and exercise daily for the first time in WAY too long. It could be the placebo effect, but I feel a lot better this week than I have in months. God has a great way of standing with me silently, waiting for me to choose to seek him, and whenever I do, he finds some way to bless me. Hopefully these new, unexpected changes that will take place in a few months will continue me on the path to self-discovery and maturity, and the realization that one bad day, week, or month shouldn't send me into a tailspin. I just have to look ahead with a excitement and a positive attitude and pray that I can makes wise choices as they arise, without regrets. I've also made a list of things I want to do, and intend to start crossing things off soon.
Because I'm into Built to Spill right now, here's another song I find fitting:
haven't had a half a hand in half of what i am
haven't heard of half the things that happened in the past
haven't givin half the time to half the people
and half the things i planned
you don't have to be so cruel, cause all i do is a little less than what i can
happiness'll only happen when it can
~Happiness
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